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Early stages - questions!?!

Limpopo2015 April 10, 2015 11:25
Hi, my husband and I have only just started thinking about adoption and I now have so many questions... We wouldn't be officially starting the process for a couple of years but, me being me, need to know all the facts I can first. My first question I guess, is do you guys think we would be suitable? I'm 25 and a teacher how works with SEN children at a primary school. My husband is 44 and works from home 3 weeks out of 4. He has two children from a past relationship, 14 and 24, however we have no contact with them. Also we don't have our own house yet, and I know on the websites that not meant to be a problem, but just wondered if anyone had any experience. Another question, once you start the process, if you move house and end up in a different LA, do you have to start over again or can it all be transferred? Thanks in advance, this really is the early stages and these are question I'm struggling to find the answers to.
Edited 17/02/2021
Donatella April 10, 2015 11:41
Moving house midway through a stressful process wouldn't be a good move. Probably better to move, get settled, particularly if it's a new area, before starting. They will question why your partner has no relationship with his children and will explore that in great detail. Possibly they'll want to speak to them and their mum. Well, probable rather than possibly. They'll want to know about support network. Who'll be taking time off to care for the child initially. But I think the main issue here is your step children and your partners relationship with them.
Edited 17/02/2021
Gilbertus April 10, 2015 14:12
Hi. To answer your question, no its not a good idea to move house during the approval process for the following reasons; Approval process is stressful enough Moving may reduce your support network that SWs find very important when considering your application You can not transfer approval to a different LA if you move out of area So the best advice is to move house before you start the process. SWs dont like you to plan to move house after a child is placed with you because they are traumatised children who require consistency and routine more than they need a bigger house. Also be aware that SWs will investigate why you DH does not have contact with his children and will interview the adult child and ex wife. But SWs are used to negative exes so dont worry too much. I think you need to be aware that agencies are currently being very choosy over who they take on to be approved just because there are far less children than adopters at present. And even after you get approved you have to "sell" yourself to a childs SW as they will have lots of prospective adopters to choose from. So no its not required that you own you own home but in this current competitive environment it helps. No you dont have to have a full time stay at home parent but it helps greatly if applying for the under 2 age group and a minimum of one year adoption leave for the under 5 age group. Again it helps when finances are stable. stable long term relationship etc et But you have huge positives with being a SEN teacher and husband being at home regularly. So its a very promising start and in next 2 years I am sure you can have all your plans in place Good luck G
Edited 17/02/2021
Barbados Girl April 10, 2015 14:37
It is better to move first. We moved during approval and I nearly had a total meltdown.
Edited 17/02/2021
Super Spring April 15, 2015 20:09
Totally echo the comments about moving, my advice is keep your life as simple and stress free as possible once you start the process. We had a similar issue and this was looked into in fine detail however this did not stop us from adopting. There are many reasons that relationships break down and this does not mean that you are not suitable to become adopters so don't let that put you off trying. It may be worth discussing this again before you start as once they start probing it will bring up all sorts of emotions. We made a pact to protect our relationship first and foremost so we communicated and kept talking it through making sure we both knew how we wanted to answer the questions and how this may be judged. Just for the record our first approval panel was fine but it was matching panel where they were quite harsh and brought it all up again despite this being dealt with in great detail in our PAR so be prepared for the repetition! Good luck its worth it I promise! x
Edited 17/02/2021
PurlOneKnitOne April 15, 2015 20:46
I think the pressing issue will be with the contact personally at 14 and 24 it's unlikey they are being kept away from your oh and are choosing no contact for some reason this will need to be explored your ohs ex will be spoken to and also I would imagin the children I think it will all hinge on this really
Edited 17/02/2021

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