Edited 17/02/2021
When to address being adopted?
sandyc
May 8, 2010 22:35
Hi AllI have not been on here for some time but would like some advice...what age did you talk to your children about being adopted?My two are soon to be 4 & 3 this year. Both have not seen there birth mum for 2 years and don''t remember her they haven''t seen birth dad for a while but do talk about him sometimes.I am also worried about the eldest going into school and talking about being adopted and people asking questions its not that I am not open about them being adopted but I chose who I tell I don''t want everyone knowing and the school gates talking. I believe it is up to the children to tell their story if they decide to tell their friends not for me...if that makes any sense.My social worker thingks around 5 just wanted to know what you guys think.By the way I am a kinship carer.Thanks
abiee
May 9, 2010 07:07
i have never felt there should be a particular time when a child is 'told' but that they should always know. our ad is 4 now and has always known in some way or another that she is adopted. in this way she will hopefully accept it and we have not kept secrets from her.so i would say the sooner the better, but i would drip feed a bit at a time rather that a sit down serious conversation. it could perhaps begin with a general conversation about babies growing in tummiesgood luckabiee
Edited 17/02/2021
Lonsdale
May 9, 2010 10:36
we sat ds down at almost 3 to talk about it & at he end asked if he had any questions, to which he replied Can I go & play now? Over the years it's come up sometimes from him, sometimes from things in the news eg: recent russian/american adoption issues, but I think giving children a 'script' for potential questions is probably the most useful thing for going to school. We didn't in reception & it did cause some problems, though as the teacher knew ds's situation she was able to sort it out at the time.l
Edited 17/02/2021
sandyc
May 9, 2010 15:09
Hi AllThank you so much for your honest replies it is helpfull. The eldest is approaching 4 so it may be time to start reading some books at first I guess to get them used to the idea thanks for the book suggestions they are great.I have Nutmeg gets adopted but not sure I will start with that one right now think I will order some others and go with them.I think I will just drip feed infomation at this time as suggested. They still call their birth dad daddy x (his name) and me and my partner mummy & daddy. I still talk about before about you came to live with mummy & daddy you lived with nanny & grandad as they did for a long time but haven't really gone further than that as they don't recall their birth mum she is not allowed contact and the reaction to her the last time they saw her two yers ago was an unhappy one. We have letter box contact once a year though we don't receive anything from her...she is on drugs.If I am honest I'm it chokes me now that I will have to have the 'chat' soon and explain to the two most important people in my world that they didn't grow in my belly they grew in X's belly... I can't imagine how children respond to this or even understand maybe Im the one with the issues lol!Will have to try and get my hands on their lifestory book too.
Edited 17/02/2021
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