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NEED HELP/ ADVISE

johnking99 June 16, 2019 20:43

Hi, just waiting on stage 4 of enhanced DBS. (which will be fine) however cannot book on adoption training course till its back. The issue is , we are aware of a child that is up for adoption whom we know. We didn't know she would be up for adoption till recently. The foster parents are friends of my aunty. We love her and would love to adopt her. The problem is, another couple have arranged a meeting to meet her end of july she has a disability which i wont go into. but that doesn't faze us.. The social worker of a neighbouring council is pushing them forward because the couple which has been matched, is the only couple who have come forward. Apparently we cannot be registered of interest until we are on the approved adoption list, and our fear is we will not have opportunity as time is against, us. The foster parents love us, so would want her to go to us, but like I say were not actually on the system yet of approved adopters.

Is there anything we can do? Anything the foster parents can do? Delays or anything? we are desperate to have her, and strongly believe it will be in her best interests and know the care needed.

if preferred if someone messages me I can speak on the phone as some things are confidential and not for forums.

Edited 17/02/2021
Safia June 16, 2019 21:32

I think it’s worth talking to your social worker about it - especially as you know the child (though bear in mind there’s probably a lot you don’t know too) We expressed interest in a child before approval - just as we were starting the assessment in fact- and when they’d visited and identified us as most suitable (they visited at least one other couple) they told our SW to “speed up the process” - not officially of course but stating their interest. I know of other people who’ve been through child specific assessments - for example for a sibling of an existing child or if they’ve seen a particular child who is hard to place and expressed interest - but going through the assessment doesn’t necessarily mean it will go through in the end. So you also have to accept you might not be chosen (for whatever reason) and accept this and that there will be a different suitable child out there waiting for you.

Edited 17/02/2021
Bop June 16, 2019 22:03

I'm not sure if the process has changed, but if you are still waiting to do an adoption training course, I think you are fairly early in the process and still need to go through the home study and panel, which can take a few months, and probably don't yet even have a social worker.

Meanwhile, this child has been matched to a potential adoptive parents who have already been approved.

It might sound harsh, but if these children are ready for adoption, it needs to happen as quickly as possible for them...so if you were their SW, who would you chose - an approved couple who could take them now, or someone at the start of the process, that at this stage you cannot even be sure will be approved? The process is designed to find the right parents for the child not the right child for the parents.

The one thing that might overrule that is if you already have a strong bond with the child. You say you know the child but how well do you know them? How much time have you spent with them? Was any of that without the foster carers? Merely knowing the child would not be enough - the child would need to know you well and have developed a bond with you. If this is the case, then the best route would be for the foster carers to speak to the child's social worker and identify you as potential adopters - if its agreed that you do have a strong bond, then you may be given priority and go through a quicker approval process which is specific to this child - I have to say this is rare and only usually happens for close family members of a child.

If there isn't a strong bond, then concentrate on getting approved - you will probably have to let this child go, but there will be another child out there who will be just perfect for you.

Good luck, whatever route you take.

Edited 17/02/2021
Serrakunda27 June 16, 2019 22:14

I'm afraid I agree with Bop. You also need to consider that you do not know everything about this child's situation. If the FC has given you information then you need to be very careful as they will have broken the child's confidentiality.

Please also remember that there is another hopeful family in this, they are approved and ready to go. It won't do you or the FC any good if the FC attempts to engage in tactics to delay things. It could be equally devasting for the other family and to be honest I think it would be very unprofessional of the FC.

Edited 17/02/2021
Donatella June 17, 2019 19:09

I think you need to tread very carefully. It’s not clear how much you do know about this child - hopefully not too much as that would mean her fcs may have breached confidentiality. It sounds as if you already know more than you should tbh. Not sure fcs should have shared that much information with you so I’d be quite careful about how you approach this.

There are child specific adoptions - ours was one - but it will then mean that you are only approved for one specific child and if anything goes wrong then that approval won’t be transferable.

I understand that the fcs want what’s best for the child and at the moment that would appear to be the approved adopters who have already been linked. Hopefully they will be able to support that plan for the child.

Edited 17/02/2021
GK1309 June 18, 2019 22:15

I do also agree to some of these comments, I haven't heard of anyone just liking a child and actually getting matched with them. I am not a SW so who knows, you say you are waiting for the DBS to come back so you can start your courses, to give you an idea on a time scale. Our DBS check was done back in March 2018 and we were approved in November. We are now waiting to go to our matching panel, some of these processes take weeks and weeks. Each stage takes such a long time and there are still many more to do after approval, this is such a long long process. I do agree though there will be a child that is perfect for you at the time you are approved and ready to adopt. I have learnt SO many things from my adoption classes and having an amazing social worker, I would parent so differently now and I am so ready. Everything will happen at the right time. :-)

Edited 17/02/2021

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