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difficult time
janef61
September 6, 2009 19:10
Hi everyone I am new to adoption uk, but its lovely to find somewhere to talk and hopefully find others that understand all the issues of adoption.We have an adopted daughter of 15 who has been with us for nearly 7 yrs, she was removed from her family due to emotional abuse. We have recently started to let her see the birth family as there are 2 siblings still living with the parents ,and this seems to have always been such a pull for herSince the last visit with them, she exchanged facebook profiles and now communicates every few days. I must admit I am finding it hard to come to terms with it all. I know she needs to know her family of course, but to see all the love hugs and kisses exchanged, its very hard to understand at times, and she shows no anger towards them at her past treatment.I also will admit to having feelings of jealousy and of being excluded..she just dosent want to share her feelings with me on this.I am afraid she may feel she dosent need us at some point, although we have always had a good relationship up to now, albeit at rollercoaster at times.Any advice would be very welcome
Shes like the wind
September 6, 2009 19:29
I think at 15y many children dont share with their parents about much.....thats okay.......I think just letting her know you are there and will listen if you want to...that you love and support her is just what she needs.Yes you feel excluded; i think that would be a normal feeling; something is happening in your daughters life and you want to be there....At some point all children grow up and they may feel we as their parents are not needed but i think th most important thing is that if you are there she knows about it...and if she needs you she knows youll be there.I think you have done a great job for her to be able to mange herself in this way..Take care
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Darcy
September 7, 2009 08:33
All I can say is that AWOL is living with birth brother at present, what a receipe for disaster. Some of it down I suspect to initial contact through facebook.Love Darcy xx
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Angelsmum
September 7, 2009 08:42
Hi janet61,I dont have any experience of this, but I think we are all very forgiving where family are concerned - and possibly she can do this because she feels safe with you - but why dont you tell her how you feel really all you're saying is how important she is to youAngelsmumx
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Johanna
September 7, 2009 09:09
Our 15 yr old Teen Miss has been with us for over 7 yrs too.She has direct contact and at the moment her birth mother has resurfaced.Yes it is hard with all the kissy-kissy stuff and wanting to spend a lot of time together. I have to sit on my feelings; and just be there for support. It was like she denied the awful childhood she had.However there are insights at times, and she is closer and more loving in a genuine manner at other times towards us.PM me if you wish.Johanna
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