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church and adopted children

tad March 8, 2013 21:13
Thinking of starting a new Sunday group for a number of adopted children (& their families) who are not finding it easy to cope with church/kids groups. Anybody out there ever tried doing something similar? If so, your suggestions of things that worked, or warnings of things that didn''t would be great. Thanks.
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Baz March 10, 2013 10:39
Sound like a fab idea. Church can be a real struggle at times. Care for the Family have just launched a campaign to better support adopters/foster carers/vulnerable children in church. Their website is homeforgood.org.ukThere might be something there that helps.Bx
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tad March 10, 2013 21:24
Thanks Baz. We've been watching the start of the Home for good campaign. It's looking great
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loadsofbubs March 11, 2013 09:04
ooh. could have done with something like that for small bubs, she found church environment really hard and have a young man, who comes occasionally to our church, who really struggles too. must go take a look and present it to the leaders maybe as an idea coz I always have foster bubs in and theres very little understanding of how fostering affects them or how adoption does. actually we have other adopted children in church too, but am so used to them now i'd forgotten, they cope better though usualy.
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Pear Tree March 11, 2013 10:59
Great idea!http://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/adopt/May well support you andhttp://www.familymatters.org.uk/what-we-do/dadtalkToo...If you are a member, adoption uk ran an article in the April 2007 magazine on church and adoption about how the support for and understanding for our families could be done better in churchesWorth getting hold of the article.All the best
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BermudaBlue March 11, 2013 21:29
Hi Tad,Slightly different, but may be of interest to you. Two of ours have disabilities- including severe learning disabilities as well as attachment disorders etc etc). We, along with some other families in our church who have children with special needs have been piloting a special session for them/us. One of the other main families involved is also an adoptive family. After our last session one of the other families in church who have adopted children (supposedly non-special needs, but now diagnosed with several special needs between them). They have been thinking of joining us, as the children are not coping with the family service.Space is an issue for us...we can only have the hall when the 'regular' groups are not using it, so have our session when the monthly family service is on (no Sunday school).We do lots of multisensory things; try to make sure we have something that every participating child enjoys; use visual timetables. If you are interested in more details of what we have done you can msg me BB
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tad March 13, 2013 12:03
for those following this thread, there's a brilliant article in the Dec/Jan edition of the Children's work magazine by Krish Kandiah about adopted/fostered children & the church. I've also just started reading the book he & his wife have just written called Home for Good. Very thought provoking so far.Plans for an alternative group are coming on. Just need to convince people now that it's a good idea!!
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Baz March 13, 2013 13:45
I've ordered the book, just waiting for it to arrive. I'm going to make it my holiday reading -we're off to Spring Harvest. Apparently there is going to be a reception there for adopters/foster carers and people interested in supporting vulnerable children in church so I'll be going along to that hopefully.
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tad June 23, 2013 21:27
Started our new group today! 3 families, lots of activities, stories etc. The usual struggles actually getting out of the house! A few things to work on, but good to make a start
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Pear Tree June 23, 2013 21:34
WoooohoooWell done tad, I'm ever so impressed to read its up and running.
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phoebe67 June 23, 2013 21:43
tad,I think that's great! Our church is very supportive but there's a lot more we could do, for sure.Maybe you can put your ideas forward to New Wine or similar? They could look at planting it into lots of churches. For so many families, church is an absolute lifeline but so hard if kids cannot cope.Phoebe x
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BermudaBlue June 24, 2013 14:30
Hi tad,Glad it went well.BB
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tad June 30, 2013 22:34
Hi Phoebe 67Sadly New Wine haven't always been great at supporting Adoptive families in our experience, but my Husband is going to the Home for Good tour this week & will hopefully get to share ideas there.I'm happy to share the format on these boards if anyone is thinking of trying something similar
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loadsofbubs July 1, 2013 08:14
i'm getting increasingly frustrated with the attitude in our church, not just to adopted children but all children, but particularly adopted ones (and my lac ones). we sell ourselves as a family church, but there is an element within it that clearly think children should be seen and not heard and scarily one of these people teaches in sunday school. yesterday one of our mums with an adopted child had to take him home becoz of problems. he is a difficult boy but there is just no understanding, and worse no sympathy (certainly no empathy) for the problems he comes with. I had similar issues when I still had sb and stopped attending with her at one point. just don't know how to get through to the leaders how damaging their rejection of this adopted child is for him and his mum, and ultimately for the church.
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mummyTJ July 1, 2013 10:11
just recently started going to special needs sunday school with my littlie set up by very understanding church - very different from my sense of isolation at old church where I was literally in a room on my own most sundays...
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pingu123 July 3, 2013 00:15
Our church has a very long and traditional main service so our rector started a short contemporary service which has been great for the kids and teenagers whom we normally lose as they outgrow Sunday school. (Also great for those of us that like contemporary stuff!) the key thing i think is that It only lasts half an hour and includes at least one activity that gives the kids a chance to move around or at least get out of the pews to do something like a puzzle, or make something( (Adults take part on this activity as well) There is a very brief talk and a prayer and a few worship songs. Because its so short a service, even the kids with short attention spans can manage, and nobody worries about noise!! If the kids want to wander or lie on the back pew that's ok as well.but we tend to involve them as much as possible, my ds2 does the PowerPoint page moving quite often, and the young teen regularly brings his drum kit!The traditionalists don't understand us, but we love it!!!We are lucky though that the rectors wife not only does Sunday school but her day job is teaching special needs kids!
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tad July 6, 2013 22:08
http://www.krishk.com/2013/07/calling-all-church-leaders/Hi for those of you who have posted that you are having difficulties with your church communities not understanding the issues facing adopted or looked after children and their families, you may be interested in the link above. Krish Kandiah, who leads the Home for good Campaign, here talks especially to church leaders. If your church leaders don't have time to read the home for good book, you may be able to get them to watch this. If all else fails, maybe look for a more inclusive church?!
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pingu123 July 6, 2013 22:32
You could try the education angle too. Our sw came and talked to the church MU ladies about adoption and fostering and how they could help support those involved !
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pingu123 July 6, 2013 22:35
Also Scripture Union publish books for Sunday Schhol teachers including one on working with special needs children. It might help Sunday school teachers how don't realise they need to approach some kids differently from usual.
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