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Most adopters are probably older than you, but that's not to say you couldn't adopt at your age. SWs will scrutinise your motivations, and particularly your thoughts about birth children. Do you have plans for birth children as well, are you prepared for the possibility that the needs of an adoptive child may mean that may not be possible. From a personal point of view I'm glad I was older when I adopted. Adoptive children can be very challenging, my son is probably a lot easier than many but he needs a lot more input than children of a similar age, I'm glad that I've done my travelling, had my years of freedom, realised career ambitions etc. But everyone is different. I understand that as a teacher you will have seen children in the care system but if you haven't already done so you should do some research into the reasons why adoptive children end up in the system, the impact of trauma and what this means for their future. Love helps but it it's not enough for adoptive children, they tend to need more specialist parenting. You have time on your side, you don't need to rush into this, personally I'd take the time to research and be clear about your motivations, and thoughts about birth children.

In relation to understanding why children have been put up for adoption I can safely say I've had a lot of input in that area. I've seen more social workers in the last 6 months than I could count on one hand, been involved in meetings with prospective adopters, met legal guardians, had meetings with parents to help put in place procedures to help them keep there children, been to hospital with children, spoken with several foster carers and psychologists. Unfortunately I work in a school in a deprived area and have experienced first hand how being in care has affected my little ones and experienced different behaviours. One thing my school does praise me on is my behaviour management and empathy for the job. I have been told by my superiors that there isn't many 23 year olds who could handle my job with as much maturity as me. If I only had one adoptive child and they were happy, I'd be happy. Just because it isn't a birth child doesn't mean we wouldn't care for it or love it and less. Maybe having a birth child would be easier, but doesn't that say something? We want to go through this process, this is how we want to start our family. Not to be 'saints' but just be two people who could offer a home.

I'm not suggesting that you would love a birth child more, or even questioning your motivations myself, but SWs will. I was 42 when I applied to adopt, had been single for some time, but I was still cross examined about birth children, why I was choosing adoption over other methods of having a child, even though my options for producing a birth child were clearly getting a bit time limited. You obviously have experience which will stand you in good stead, speak to an agency and see what they say, but be prepared to be scrutinised about these issues.

You will be asked about having birth children in great depth. Are you planning on having birth children? If you are then most agency will scrutinise you. How would you feel if the demands of an adoptive child meant you couldn't have birth children? . Most people come to adoption after long journeys through IVF and other such treatment. Some people do make the choice to adopt instead of having birth children but these people tend to be slightly older or single. Other people have birth children and then adopt but there tends to be a fairly large age gap between the children. There are some people who adopt and then have birth children but these birth children are happy surprises. . You are young but that isn't an issue and as you say you have had experience of children in the care process. . Having said that you need to ask yourself what your family and life plans are. All the best

Personally I think 23 is too young to start a family of any type - birth or adopted. Your career has barely started, a 4 year relationship from teens isn't that long - particularly when you consider the strain that parenting a traumatised child can and does place on a relationship. It's good that you have a basic understanding of some of the issues that these children face but working with them in school can in no way prepare you for the reality of 24/7 parenting them. What age were you thinking of? What disabilities Woukd you be able to consider? How would you and your partner share childcare? What if the child wasn't able to cope with you leaving or with childcare? Where would the possibility of birth children in the future figure? Because of course the needs of an adopted child may preclude that. At 23, yes I think too young. But too young to be a parent full stop. Live first.

Any agency will of course need to see that you have the right motivations, knowledge, stability, empathy, resilience, experience, attitude and openness to all that adoption can bring. If taken on you would have 6 months to explore all of this with an agency, and I would hope they would be willing to consider you seriously on the basis that you might have all the things above, just as someone in their 40's might. Good luck!

Well I was in my twenties when I adopted and I'm horrified at how very young I was! My thinking is this, look into adoption but don't push it to being a crusade to right the wrongs of systems that are broken. My thinking was I couldn't help lots of children but maybe I could help 2. Looking at it now I would do stuff very differently I'd only take one child for a start Teaching has a heavy hours commitment and leaving a job you are good at and clearly love is a big thing especially when the children's need will require looking at doing less paid work. I'm now around 40 my adoptees are young people and we've had a rocky ride as it turns out the traumas of loss are life long and remain unfixed although better and generally as happy as they have capacity to be. I do think the benefit is having 'younger' grandparents My mum and dad have been such an important part of our support, and you WILL Need support. Please ask questions Pear tree Ps have you considered looking into foster care?

I was 23, when we first enquired about adopting, we didnt have birth children and decided that we never were going to have any. we went away and thought about it and came back, did stage one 26 and matched at 28 they were home by age 29, my partner is slightly older at 33. it was hard work convincing the SW that we could do it, that i was mature enough and that we were not going to change our minds and have birth children. its hard parenting adopted children and although were are new to it still (its only been 4 months) its nice to finally feel like a family. our stage two took so long as we only wanted to consider older children and ours are 6 and 8 we agreed up to age 10 and they were concerned that would make me appear to have had children very young. as i say its early days and its hard but if it feels right then go for it.

Hi Chesterdog, your posts resonate with care, committment and fairness, from an adopter whose main support during our dark times was fom education and police....yes says a lot about Social Care...I would urge you to use your skills and further your career in to quote "the best interest of the child", yes you have love and space but with your experience you could help a lot of children and families in the short term then after a while look again at adoption. best of luck whatever you decide.

Hi We were 25 when we started the adoption process, and at the time didn't know of any fertility issues (ironically this is now not the case) I'm not going to go on about my experience or life because it's yours!! I would say go to an introduction evening, see if you can meet up with someone who has adopted. Select a few (not loads) of people who know you both well and you trust and chat it through with them Age isn't everything and there aren't many adopters in their 20's so your unique - that can be a positive Best wishes whatever you decide Xxx

I was 24 when our children were placed, been with my partner 3 years, married less than one year. We took 2 children, aged 3 & 4, one with significant medical/development needs. 7 years on our relationship is stronger than ever and our children are amazing. It's not been a breeze by any means but life is good.

As someone who had their first birth child not long after my 22nd birthday, I can't say 23 is too young for a family. I had my kids in my 20s with big gaps and worked full time until I had my third at 30. It worked for us, in my 40s now and my birth kids are all grown up and getting on with their own lives. Our adopted child came to us as a tiny baby when I was 38 as a foster child who stayed. We started fostering when I was 34 and a SAHM. Adoption is so very different. Aprilshowers post resonated with wisdom. You can do SO MUCH being that empathic well informed teacher that so many adopters never come across. Working with and for these children is nothing, NOTHING, like living with them and parenting them. Several years ago my LA thought it was a great idea to recruit residential children's care home workers to their salaried foster care scheme for children over 10. After all they knew and understood the kids cos they worked with them and the LA wanted them out of children's homes and into families. It was an unmitigated disaster. The recruits discovered that despite a £30k pa tax free allowance, it was a different kettle of fish inviting the kids into their homes 24/7 than going to a children's home, working a 12 hour shift, and then going home to the peace of their own home. Most didn't last more than a couple of placements before resigning. They couldn't cope with the destruction of their homes, theft, absconding, verbal abuse, threats, not knowing who the child might be inviting into the house when they weren't there. If you think you may want birth kids you need to wait, do that first. At the moment there are more prospective adopters waiting than there are suitable children needing adoption. The shortage in adoption terms is for children with significant medical or disability issues, significant enough that it would make working almost impossible for one parent. Many average adopted children, even young ones, don't manage childcare well which can make it hard to hold down a full time job. How would you feel about giving up your career so soon after having started it and experiencing the halving of your income as a result?