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kinship advice needed

emma228 April 14, 2011 19:58
hi i was conctacted by a family member last week regarding my cusion shes due to have her baby in 5 weeks time the other 2 have been adopted out already.the baby is being taken at birth and they wanted to know if we would be intrestered in adodopting the baby so it stays in the family.i was the only one put forward and know i have found out there is the bf''s aunt who has 5 kids already is also put into having the baby.i my self dont have any children,and i really dont know weather i should carry on as i feel the other woman will get the baby cos she has 5 kids already.i dont know wot they look for in deciding who the baby goes to, if anyone can give me some advice i would be greatful
Edited 17/02/2021
Lonsdale April 14, 2011 20:19
things you need to considerDo you really want this child?If yes thenyou will need to fight the whole system for the baby & this will stand you in good stead for any future things the child may need (fighting to get support for your child is often a key skill in the world of adoption)You need to consider what type of access birth family will want and that's both your cousin and the bf's familyAlthough you think bf's aunt with 5 children is more suitable, do you have any evidence for this?SW may be looking for a home where baby will be number 1 priority and be given the attention they need and a parent who will have time and finances to support them (money is big consideration at the moment, so you need to look at your finances)there's lots of points for both sides and if possible try not to get into I'm better than you, as it may be the aunt has only agreed as she thinks no-one else will willingly take on the child and she might be glad to know someone else will.SWs may also take your cousin's feelings into consideration, so if she prefers bf aunt, then sws will look into that first, but that doesn't mean sws will agree.The bet thing is to consult your family to see how they feel about you agreeing to this and then approach social services to discuss the 'admin'. You'll have to go through a gruelling approval process, but sws are generally in favour of keeping a child within the family if at all possible, so the chances are in your favour - though in the world of ss & adoption this can soon change.Hope it works out for you whatever you decidel
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loadsofbubs April 15, 2011 15:15
adoption is not the only course of action that can be considered here, long term fc with you as a kinship carer can be considered, special guardian ship can be considered. whatever course is decided on they all require extensive assessments and every aspect of your life will be examined so you have to think if you are prepared for this, any skeletons you'd rather the ss did not know about for example? there is also all the stuff lonsdale has said as well to consider. the first and foremost is do you really want this child or are you only thinking about it becoz you were asked? its a whole lot different to normal adoption/fostering becoz its been kind of foisted onto you, but other than that you still need to be 100% committed to the idea and to acccepting all the difficulties, this is not going to be like raising a birth child. first thing the ss would do, assuming they consider you a viable candidate before assessment, would be to do a viability assessment which assesses the practicalities for you to raise this child in terms of housing, income, life style (do you smoke?), safe guarding (can you protect this child) etc, after that would depend on the kind of long term solution that is being sought (FC/adoption/special guardianship etc).anyway, good luck with this whatever the outcome,
Edited 17/02/2021
emma228 April 15, 2011 20:28
hi yes i do want this baby, the baby is being taken by sw at birth, there is a court order which says she has no say over the baby nor does the so called dad due to past neglict and abuse of the last 2 that have been adopted. so its down to the nan and great grandparents and the sw xxdont get me wrong i only want wots best for the baby, we are doing ok with money we both work husband is in the forces and im a nurse, have a large house with loads of room and we dont have any childrenx thank you for your advice
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Zara71 April 15, 2011 22:09
Hi EmmaYou have had some very good advice already from the other posters. If you want to put youself forward then you need to contact the SW ASAP and in writing as well (you will be surprised just how many times they didn't get your call) because as soon as the baby is born it will be taken into fc and its then a nightmare to get them back with us. SS are supposed to look at family and friends placements firstly but in my experience not all of them do. SS do not favour adoption within the family in fact I found that they were very against it. During our assessments when asked I said I would be willing if it was ever an option but never mentioned the A word to them. I know some people have gone on to adopt their relative but they are very few and far between. They will want to know why you haven't any children yourself yet and do you intend to have any and how would little one fit into your family then. They will not leave any stone unturned. Be prepared for a long fight and the most valuable advice would be to get a good solicitor that specialises in Family Law and keep a log of everything that happens from here on. The contact arrangements are what they will look into but remember what contact SS will want may not be what the judge will agree to. Luckily for my little one the judge said 4 times a year for BM and BF and nothing for any paternal family. So far BM has seen him once last year and BF still waiting for him to show (and thats my own brother)It is very worthwhile once it all comes together. My nephew has been with us now on a Special Guardian Order for the last 2 years, its been a long long road but so worth it, especially as he is now tucked up in bed safe and very much loved.Good luck and all the very besta great website where I got all my advice and info is www.familyrights.org.uktake careZara xx
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homebird2003 May 16, 2011 10:19
Hi Emma,You have been given plenty of good information here but I'd like to just say that it might not be as tough as others have said. It depends on the social worker. Our niece was being removed from mum at birth We hadn't been approached by social services although we'd had dealings with them because of older siblings. We offered to foster baby when she was a day old & the social worker arranged everything so that baby could come home with us at 3 days old. A year later we applied for adoption. I don't know what the prefernce is nowadays but if adoption within the family is not the right thing for baby you could apply for a Special Gurdianship Order.In our case income was not an issue,in fact because I was only working in a temporary job & was prepared to give up work to be home with baby, we were offered an adoption allowance. I have since gone back to work but each year we fill in the assessment form & are still receiving the allowance but at a reduced rate.I wish you well in your journey. You will need to be strong & determined, but its all well worth it.
Edited 17/02/2021

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