Jaspers Girl
July 23, 2009 08:22
Having sent off for further info, in bid to become a prospective adopter, I''ve found out they''ll need to interview my ex. Whilst I have nothing to hide and nothing to fear in one sense, I''m a bit alarmed by this, to say the least. Things are very acrimonious and he''s hardly likely to be supportive of our plans; he''s very, very bitter that I''m remarried. Also His Nibs doesn''t even know where his ex is, so not sure what happens with that one. Has anyone been through the ex interview bit already and can advise/reassure? thanks!
Colliecross
July 23, 2009 08:27
Please don't worry too much. Sw are usually very tuned-in when it comes to exes. They really ( I think) just want to ensure there was no history of you being violent/abusive. They tend - I say tend tentatively here- to only want to interview exes you've lived with or got children with and quite often it's only in the form of a letter- although my dh ex was interviewed face to face but that's only because we had an issue with his daughter
Golden_Girl
July 23, 2009 12:38
Hi - I was worried about this too!My ex husband has disapeared and no effort was made to contact him to get a reference. My husband and his ex's split was very acrimonious although they are starting to be on talking terms again, our SW decided not to interview her as dredging up the past could damage the new relationship they are building. She just interviewed both his grown up children instead, who would have been interviewed anyway. The SWr did say that they take whatever ex partners say with a pinch of salt especially if it has been a bad break up.So don't worry
Jaspers Girl
July 23, 2009 14:04
Thanks both. I was trying to reassure myself that SWs would recognise sour grapes a mile off- just rattled me a bit; on verge of deciding to go ahead so don't want issues before we've even started!!
hoochie
July 25, 2009 15:52
The social worker wanted to speak to my ex, he lives abroad now and i didnt have any contact details and we did not have any children. I made loads of calls to try and get his number and eventually got it, sw then told me she needed an address, loads more calls made, unable to get his address, so i advised sw to phone him herself, as far as im aware she hasnt followed this up. so in a nutshell lots of worry and time consuming phonecalls and divulging of private information to his friends and him for nothing. Its frustrating and unnessesary if you ask me, but who are we to argue. Dont let it put you off though,i think i've hd a particularly bad service from my agency, and not everyone has this. Good luck with it. xx
milly1
July 25, 2009 16:02
Hi,Both DH and i have been married before, DH has 3 children with his ex-wife.Our SW didnt speak to any of oue ex's in the end. I had no idea where my ex was and DH ex refused to see any SW's. Our SW did speak to his children though (14, 12 and 9 at the time)and we said that if DH ex had anything nasty to say she would have jumped at the chance.However this proved to be a problem with the Matching panel for a child we felt was perfect for us and in the end we didnt get her as panel were not happy and refused to see us even when we finally got DH ex to write a letter saying she and the children didnt have any probs with us adopting and the children were excited, DH was a good dad etc etc. That said we have had no problems (fingers crossed) with the current match we are going to panel for in 12 days time!!!!!!Hope everything works out for you.milly1
Jaspers Girl
July 26, 2009 08:52
Thanks Guys. It's really interesting to hear other people's experiences; seems between everyone there's a whole spectrum.Have now contacted our LA, as the VA can't offer places on preparation classes until January, so having got to the point where we're ready to take the plunge, don't want a delay before we even start!!Will take the talking to ex thing in my stride I think, as I say, I've nothing to fear.
