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When you say recent, are you talking a month, a year ago?If the former, then I would say that you haven't left enough time to grieve for the loss of a child or to have come to terms with the breakdown or the reasons for it. If it was a year or two ago then that would be different.But either way you would have to discuss with any new social worker because its hugely important and will infirm the sw - and yourself hopefully - of the sort of child you are able/unable to parent.So I guess initially it would depend when placement disrupted, the reasons for it and how you have come to terms with it and what you've learned from it.

Hi, Kazevac -There are people who have posted on here who have gone through a disruption and then gone on to adopt "successfully".Regards,Corkwing

I havent been through this personally but do know others who have had a breakdown and gone on to adopt again. The biggest issue was they had to prove they had really thought about what went wrong and could reflect on this. They had already accessed counselling and received help through support groups, so at the time they came to apply again it was obvious they had worked through it and were ready to try again. They also knew key triggers for things that went wrong and so were very careful to avoid this happening again. I think they waited about 2 1/2 years after the breakdown to apply, and then it took about another year to get approved/placed.

Well we only had her 4 month and it just did not work out in the end. Our SW is fab but righ now the silence is not helping us as we are people that whant to know what is going on. It must be our work background . We handerd her back over a week ago now. And have a fab fam who helped us talk about it alot and since the w/end we have began a new chapter for our selfs as well as the rest of the fam . We just like to know if this will be like in our permanents report but no one will say anything right now this is makeing us a bit kross not knowing anything

Our SW is fab, i think we have seen it coming as the childs sw did not see eye to eye in what we said and we belive it is that is why it ended the way it did. as they started picking on me in the end too.

it will have to be in your report because its now part of your experience and it will inform any subsequent adoption, ie you will be more anxious next time,it may trigger anxiety in early stages of placement. SWs and panel will want to know what you have learnt from experience. life will never be the same again and it will have an impact on future decisions inevitably. Also depends why adoption broke down. Was child not as described/ was it not as you expected, were SWs not honest about needs of child . It's all relevant to any future adoption. its also very recent and you need to process the loss on many levels and then be robust for any future adoption. Certainty is important but SWs are probably processing it all too and reflecting on their position. takes time for dust to settle but in principle it should not stop you adopting again but its complex and not straightforward.take time to recover and heal so you are strong for future child.good luck

Wow. Well quite honestly with such a recent breakdown I suspect you're going to have to wait a whole lot longer before anyone will consider you again. You simply cannot just put this behind you and be ready to move on in a week. There will be a disruption meeting which you may or may not attend. You may want to put forward your views then on why it disrupted.I imagine the sws will be busy family finding again and as frustrated as you may be by the silence, I guess the needs of child must come first.Honestly, I think you need to do a lot of soul searching, maybe have some counselling before even contemplating the prospect again.

Dear KazevacWe went on to adopt following a disruption. It did take several years though. Initially we had to grieve and come to terms with what had happened. We were later given a new social worker and although we didn't start from scratch again it was a long process.B

"...we feel ready to go and put it all behind us"I'm glad that you're over it so quickly - find that pretty amazing - but everyone reacts differently I suppose to events. What I will say now will not be popular.. and I mean no offence to people who have struggled and fought for help for years and have finally had to let their child go back into care...BUT What about the child in all this? do you think they're 'over it' I ask as someone who adopted a child after a disrupted adoptive placement - she was damaged by her birth parents - damaged by 'care system' and then the disruption was the final straw - no wonder she came with such attachment / anxiety / anger issues when she had been shunted about like a parcel and even now 6 years on still is so insecure and with such a range of issues. I'm sorry if I don't appear more sympathetic - I know what my DD is like to parent and I agree she is hard work and parenting her is like nothing I could ever have imagined - but I am getting more and more upset reading these boards seeing that disruption is an option for so many in the early days when things don't work out. I'm sorry but these are CHILDREN - not a pair of shoes ordered from a mail order catalogue that you can 'send back' when you've had enough and they don't meet your expectations. I know my opinion will not be popular and I stress that I know there are adopters who are now parenting from a distance because after years of trying their children are not able to cope with being in a family. These comments are not directed at them at all and I mean no offence - I know what a brave decision people have made after years of violence and hurt. But I really feel that people need to get away from this 'giving them back mentality' and to appreciate that the early days and years are often a real struggle and not the 'happy family' that we dream of as propective adopters. I have at times sympathised as to why the previous adopters 'gave my dd back' and why they couldn't cope with her... I know how hard she is and we have been to hell and back with her... but I can tell you - that for me the hardest part of my dd's story isn't what the birthparents did or didn't do... but that the people who were going to adopt her - gave up on her... She was 'abandoned' by them and the damage that this has caused is immense. We live with it everyday - her terrible anxiety, her lack of trust - all would have been there due to the joy of the UK 'care' system and the contact orders etc why they sorted things out for her... but it was certainly compounded by the adopters when they 'distrupted' the placement and turned her little world upside down again. I'm sad for you that your dream is gone and I sympathise that you want to be a parent - but I sympathise more and feel more for the damage that will have been done to this child and I know from experience - that they will not get over it as quickly as appear to have. Please engage fully with the disruption meeting and be honest why you couldn't parent the child. That child will grow up knowing their story and this further rejection by an adult will probably be internalised and they will believe it was their 'fault' - That they are inherently bad as not only couldn't their birth parents keep them - they were so 'bad' that an adopter couldn't keep them either and that's why they were 'given back' As damaged as so many of our children are - it is not their fault - no matter what they do - they behave this way as they have been so hurt, let down and damaged by so many people. They are not easy to live with and I'm not pretending they are - but 'disruption' should be a last resort and I'm struggling when I hear how common it seems to be on the boards in the early days of placement. I'm sorry if I have offended you - but I beg that you really consider fully what has happened and don't rush into anything until you really are sure. Meg.

Well said meg. Couldn't agree more xx

yes, this will be on your permanent record and even if you change agencies another time to adopt you would have to declare it, and it would be found out if you didn't. but, to be honest, if you present the disruption in the terms you have here I doubt an agency would consider you to adopt anyway. this is a huge event, even after 'only' 4 months its a huge event, and if it isn't a huge event for you then I would personally be very concerned about placing another child with you. one of my foster bubs recently had a disrupted disruption, didn't go home with them even, but was very severely traumatised by it, I was traumatised by it as her fc, and I know the adopters were too even though they only knew her for 10 days. and it concerns me that you sound like it isn't a serious event in your life, and not a thought of the effect on the child.

Ditto couldn't agree more.

I find this post so sad. I am trying hard not to judge as I know I don't know the situation or why it 'did just not work out'. My LO is 17 months and has also been with me for four months. I find it incomprehensible that I could 'hand him back' and be ready to move on to a new chapter in my life a week later. I find the choice of words 'hand them back' a little hard to take to be honest! Like I said I am I am trying not to judge but it just struck a cord as my LO is of similar age and been with me for similar length of time. And I can't help but see this from the child's point of view. :-( Anyway, ill leave it there. Hope things work out for your LO and for you and your family.BM x

Hi, you do appear quite detached about this all now and perhaps that is just your coping mechanism rather than the reality. You know, don't think about it and then it is not real. In a way dissociating from the events of the past few months. It is way too early for you to think about adopting again and also way too early for you to be considered for adoption again. I think you are inevitably going to have a moment of when it hits you and you will need to take time then to look at the whys etc. I am pretty sure previously people have said at least one year. I hope this little girl finds the right family for her because really at the end of the day that is what adoption is all about.

There would have to be extenuating circumstances surrounding a disruption for adopters to be considered again (I'd hope). I imagine only a minority disrupt and go on to adopt again.

Thank goodness there are some people who can post so well like MegandMog.Would not be good to say what I feel about 'being able to move on' a WEEK after living with your child for 4MONTHS.xxxx

I also note from your previous post that you have three birth children and I would be surprised if they would be able to move on so easily from such a traumatic event as losing a child they thought would be their sister. I wonder if you are maybe suffering from a bit of shock and given time you will start to grieve this loss and feel differently about starting again so soon for all your family???

It can be done, yes. My son suffered a disruption after six months and I heard on the grapevine that the prospective adopters were placed again, with a very different child. I don't know what, if any, extenuating circumstances applied.But. It took nearly two years after disruption for my son to find his way home and they took longer. It takes time - a lot of time - and there are certainly no guarantees.

Can I say here that disruption is a life changing and totally traumatic experience that you never get over. Please do not judge others without knowing the full story.