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Ask away, Tyger!Of course, if you read these boards you will see that there is a broad spectrum of experiences for us singlies as well as for couples who adopt - some of us have more or less challenging children and circumstances.I count myself one of the lucky ones - so far! Never say never! I dread his teens!!! My DS is infuriating, but also delightful, funny, charming... He is thriving in school, has a small circle of very close friends who adore him, to all intents and purposes he is doing brilliantly. But the effects of his early life are there, if you scratch the surface - he is hyper-anxious, very controlling, and I would describe his attachment style as insecure. It's something I factor into every day of our lives, and usually that extra mindfulness is all it takes so that we can function well as a family unit. But the wheels fall off the bus a bit more easily than with most kids, I think.Are there specific questions you want to know about? How we manage the school-work juggling act? Finances? I think it's good to try to paint a picture now, I can remember not really having a clue how the theory of it all would apply to me and a real child!

Hi tyger I too am a single adopter and just starting to negotiate the teenage years, so far it's not as bad as it could beAsk away as there's a wealth of knowledge on here and nobody knows the reality quite like we doSuze x

I'm also a single Mum, feel free to ask any questions. My son came home nearly 3yrs ago, he is a fantastic little boy, and I feel so blessed. I remind myself of that when running myself ragged trying to get everything done that needs doing. I have an important baby pressie and sibling gifts to buy, the baby was born a week ago, and I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't had the chance to purchase gifts yet. Its the childminders grandchild, so we have seen her most days since the birth and I feel quite embarrassed as DS is close to the siblings, but I just haven't had the time that I thought I would have this week. Last week I ordered DS shoes to be delivered to the local Clarks shop, its only about 15miles away, but again I haven't had time to take him for a fitting yet. Thats a brief snippet of the juggling challenges that us singlies can encounter. When I collect DS from the childminder I want to spend time with him, not trail him to late night shopping venues.

Thanks everyone!I guess I need to know about the challenges and the good bits, but especially finances during the first year. Would anyone actually be willing to speak to me on the phone or in online chat?Tyger

If you'd like to PM me, I'd be happy to share what I can.

Thanks Bovary. I was wondering if you would be willing to actually speak to me live so to speak?Tyger

I found it very helpful to meet live single adopters and their even more lively children before going too far with the process. It does help to ground your ideas, and also to imagine possibilities for the future.If you search for 'meet up' or 'meetup' on this single adopters board you can find very useful, informal support - especially the greyspeckledhen camp. There are always single-adopter families there, a relatively high proportion for some reason.

Happy to help too if I can. This time last year I was enjoying my last holiday by myself while my SW prepared my PAR for panel. Now I've got a lovely little girl full of life (bumps and all) and we've recently had our adoption order through. So early days for us, but it means I've very recently been through the end to end process. I'm still on adoption leave and absolutely dreading having to go back to work and all the juggling that entails - but have to think about it soon!I'm happy for you to pm me to start with. I'd also second the recommendation if you can get to greyspeckledhen's camp where you'd be able to meet and chat with lots of adopters with different experiences. Might also be worth asking your LA/VA if they can put you in touch with one of their single adopters. I found that absolutely invaluable and gained a good friend for me and my little one from it Finances can be a tricky balance as you need to show you can support a child to get approved - but later you might want to prove you need an adoption allowance! It's a hard one to juggle as every LA will be different in what they want to see.I've been fairly lucky in that I've got a well paid job with good family policies (thanks to TUPE!) and decent savings built up. So no worries at all at the initial stage of proving I can first of all take the full year's leave, and then return on reduced hours. I was pretty sure I'd then be shafted by those same things when it came to applying for an adoption allowance, but as my little one is an older child and therefore considered hard to place, and I have an excellent SW that argued my case, I got a small settling in grant and I get an allowance. And actually that allowance, SAP, and child benefit have kept us going with our normal day to day costs. I'm going to lose SAP in a couple of weeks so the next few months will be tight and will eat into savings a bit, but I fully expected to be doing that long before now without an adoption allowance!One thing my SW loved was that when I started thinking about adoption, I put 20% of my salary into a regular savings account every month so that I could practice living on a reduced salary (and of course have that money to get me through adoption leave!) I also followed good advice from here about stocking up on non perishable household items - detergents, toilet paper, etc. Lucky to have the attic space to do that of course, but it really has made it easier being able to skip those aisles and the expense in the supermarket. There's other things like tax credits to investigate which I really must do myself once I work out my working hours!I've found LO's activities and days out have been sufficiently funded by no longer being able to do many of the activities and evenings out I used to do when it was just me Although thanks to kind friends (who owe me lots of babysitting) I am finally going to get out to a gig this weekend and I can't wait!The biggest challenge for me was the intensity of going from living alone to having a needy child in the house that needs you all the time. Even when she's asleep, I'm still on call. There's no tag teaming, no nipping down to the shops for a pint of milk by yourself for five minutes. I was listening to my friends complain about their husbands being soft on the kids one day and how the kids would play it. I responded with "in our house, there is no good cop". Which is both a plus and a minus! There is no division or playing parents off each other but you do have to be the one to monitor and secure the boundaries at all times. But it's also amazing to see how she has come on - just how much the one to one attention has benefitted her. She's got me all to herself, doesn't have to share with siblings or a partner and it is exactly what my little girl needed. The two of us together really works for us right now and I wouldn't want it any other way. It's a hard old slog and I've really needed the full year's adoption leave for me, never mind her. I wouldn't have the mental energy for work right now as I adjust to my new life as a single adoptive parent. And I would consider that I've had it easy so far. It is not for the feint hearted and the rewards can be slow to come, but I cannot describe the joy and the pride that comes with the simplest of accomplishments (hers and mine!) when you know how hard earned they really are

I think dating can be a real issue You will be amazed how many men will be perfect for either you or your little one but not both and dont underestimate how painfull it is to feel you found the love of your life only to relaise it wont work out with your child Or to meet somone your chikd adores and then having the heart beaking choice wether to keep it going for there sake know it wint work aout between the adults Also watching out for users some one who wants theres dinners cooked who they know will be at home most of the time ect It took me six years to meet my nowoh i kissed a lot of frogs

Can I jump in here? I am just about to start home study as a single adopter, could you please explain about the greyspekledhen camp... sounds interesting, not something I've heard about before. Thanks guys x

Hi, just to say well done and don't worry it will all work out financially I say that as a single mum to 2 BC age 22 and 19, I was widowed when they were smallI am a single foster carer of 5 years and have started adoption assessment of my LO So I'm hoping to follow my own advice, things are sometimes tough financially when things go wrong but I can manage every day ... Sort of lol I've learned to deal with problems myself , cry at night and laugh with my kids as much as I can I wouldn't want it any other way Good luck on your journey you will be fine x

I have messaged Dizzydebs. If anyone else wants more info about the camp then let me know!

I would! thank you

@Bovary yes, all of those things, warts and all! Many thanks, Tyger x

I would also love to know why people decided to adopt as a single person.And what the best and worst bits are!Would anyone be willing to meet me in the unofficial adoption chatroom say on Wednesday at 9.00 pm?Tyger x

Thanks to all those who offered to chat, and sorry not managed it yet. I keep popping in to the chatroom so hopefully will 'bump' into some of you there!

Yes please to more information on greyspeckledhencamp - Im a prospective single adopter recently approved and in the waiting room stage...

I've loved it so far. My little boy embraced the whole process and has been a joy. He is demanding, but only slightly more so than any 5 year old.Of course, who knows what will happens when the hormones arrive...?