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Asian Adopters?

Munki October 21, 2011 13:11
Hi Guys,Can any of you tell me whether you are Asian adopters? There''s been a lot of news in the media about how there is a shortage of adopters for Asian or mixed children, but to me it seems as if this isn''t the case. Hubby and I are both Asian, but have been categorically rejected by a large number of LAs and VAs because they feel they will not be able to find us a match. I''d love to hear your thoughts.
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maggiemeik October 21, 2011 21:31
that seems ridiculous - there are lots of mixed asian children so surely they could be a match to you? how daft!
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Bengan October 24, 2011 21:50
Hi, I think it depends on what type of 'Asian' you are. In our experience the vast majority of 'Asian' children in the care system are from a Pakistani and/or muslim background, often dual heritage. We're a dual heritage couple (white and Indian (sikh/hindu)) and have lost count of the number of times we won't be considered for such children because we're not muslim/Pakistani. It is soul destroying, having been told at the outset, and prior to approval that we would be 'snapped up' as a dual heritage couple, only to find the reality is very different. Maybe consider it a blessing that the LAs & VAs you've approached have been honest with you. We certainly wish our LA had been more candid with us. However, if you wish to proceed with adoption, and have not already done so, you could try contacting LAs with large Asian communities, although having done this ourselves we've been told firstly, that there are very few children for adoption matching our ethnicity. Secondly, having said that we would be open to adopting a pakistani/muslim child, we've been told that we would not be considered, despite having muslims in our extended family. Apparently, that is too tenuous a link!!. Have you considered adopting from abroad? Maybe from where your family hails. It would be interesting to hear the experiences of other couples, where one or both are "asian'.
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Anita November 6, 2011 20:54
Hi there,we have the same problem as you have described. we are white british and indian sikh and in lots of cases weren't considered because the mix wasn't quite right.One LA's made it very clear that not being muslim, they wouldn't even look at our profile. And some of the children we have enquired about are still advertised It is very frustrating especially when we were told at the outset that we probably would get snatched up immediately as there are plenty of mixed race children.And we are as you Bengan open to other ethnicities and religions. Anita
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ducks November 7, 2011 12:16
I would suggest writing directly to LAs in mixed areas (eg any big city ...), if you already approved and looking for a match or trying to get a LA to take you as prospective adopters.If the LAs with big Asian communities are being fixated on exact matching you might do better with an LA where there is a wider mix of people in the community and they might be more open minded about matching kids.pm me if you wantducks
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Dusty January 17, 2012 11:11
Not sure if you are approved to adopt or trying to get taken on to become approved. We ended up going through an independent agency as it appears that local authorities have their own hidden agenda on who they will take on as it depends what children they need placing.
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Sanam March 7, 2012 13:10
Hi,We are an asian muslim couple that were approved towards the end of last year. Like you we had read the media about the shortage of asian adopters and thought it would be easy to get a match.We were flexible regarding age and a cultural mix as long as the children would not look out of place with us. We also wanted to adopt a sibling group.We found it more difficult than we anticipated but hopefully have been linked with asian siblings. We went through a VA who were very good and they look for children nationally so are not restricted to a particular LA. Our experiences with LA's during the matching process have been extremely variable in that we almost considered inter-country adoption, which we had never considered previously. Fortunately we have an excellent social worker who supported us through this difficult stage.I would suggest going through a VA rather than the LA. If you would like any additional information please get in touch.
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jmk March 7, 2012 19:47
SS place too much emphasis on BM's wishes and if she wants her kids to go to a muslim adopter then SS won't look at any non muslim adopters They'd rather wait until the kid has sat in care for a couple of years than upset BM.
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Sanam March 8, 2012 10:01
Unfortunately it was the social workers who have the issues. We were prepared to consider mixed race children and do have mixed race children in our family and friends.I think social workers wanted an exact ethnic match, we were rejected twice because they felt that we could not appreciate the childrens culture fully. We have both grown up in the UK and live in a predominatley white area.Unfortunately some of these children will be in care a long time if social workers are so picky. I feel sad for the children.
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lovelybee March 8, 2012 11:59
Links to a couple of articles which you may find interesting are below.Good luck and wishing you all a quick and smooth journey through the proccess.http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/nov/03/inter-racial-adoptionhttp://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2010/nov/19/adoption-children-birth-parents-religion
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Bobby74 August 6, 2012 18:55
Me and My husband have just started the process, attended first initial round up at our LA. Both of us are Hindus and vegetarian, hence our LA cannot help us. I am disappointed.
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Rangoli August 6, 2012 21:09
Hi , I am a single British Indian who is vegetarian and who has strong spiritual values. I have to fight to get this far and also had a few SW who have pushed me along. While trying to apply to one authority I was told that in 2010 there were 4 Hindu/Sikh children on the adoption register in the whole country. The head of the dept told me to go to a large multicultural authority where I could be taken for a mixed. Race child provided I could support the child's heritage. My current SW told me the Asian kids were all Muslim or Muslim mixed and the parents would want the child to be in a Muslim home. I asked her , how is it that the white parent is ignored and how is it that a white single mum is saying the child should go to a Muslim home and she couldn't answer.My top tip of the day? Don't take NO for an answer, if they say no we will not take you, tell them you will go and ask Tim Loughton , why is it that he is saying ethnicity should not be an issue, and yet it is for them.
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peckhamprincess August 7, 2012 23:04
Hi MunkiI am an Asian adopter. My husband and I were approved to adopt in Jan 2011, and our kids were placed with us in Jan 2012. However, it had taken over three years to get to this point.We are of South Asian origin and are non-practising Christians. It was huge struggle to get accepted by an agency. LAs rejected us at the initial phone call stage, citing our ethnicity / religion as an issue. I tried LAs with a large Asian communities - this was pretty fruitless!We had the similar problems with VAs, but I did persist and finally a VA did take us on.My tips would be:1. Don't give up. 2. Don't take no for an answer. 3. At that initial phone call stage - really sell yourself - what you have to offer as potential parents. (I had a list!)4. Be flexible about what children you are willing to be considered for e.g. siblings, older children, different cultures etc. This makes you a more attractive potential adopter.Yes there are more muslim children waiting to be adopted but there are other Asian children, but they might not be babies / toddlers.In the end we've adopted older siblings and I have absolutely no regrets. Having said this - the easier bit (though not at the time!) was trying to get through the process - the real hard work is when the kids come to live with you.If you want to do this - don't give up - your child is out there waiting for you!
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Munki August 9, 2012 09:45
Thanks all. I have sent some private msgs.
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Birdsnest October 9, 2012 19:48
Bobby74 and Rangoli, I am interested that you cite vegetarianism as a potential problem. Did they tell you this was a problem? I ask as we are a veggie family, dual heritage (not Asian though - White Britsh/Black Britsh Caribbean) and nobody has said anything about being veggie.We have been told by our sw that they no longer prioritise exact ethnic matching so we will not nec be prioritised for a dual heritage White British/Black Britsh Caribbean child. The child could go to another family who don't match ethnically if they feel they have other qualities that we don't!In fact, we have been told not to expect an exact match but to be open to White Eastern European and Black African children.It seems so much depends on the authority.
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rosyposy July 29, 2013 15:50
Hi there,My husband and i are going through our assessment now and found your advice valuable.I am from a Hindu background, my husband from a Christian one and I agree that social w seem to be too hung up on exact matches.We are thinking of adopting an older child/ren and wanted to know how it went with you because you said that you had older children?I would really like to hear from you.Thanks.
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