Edited 17/02/2021
Telling my AD she is not coming home on discharge
jollymummy
August 9, 2013 12:20
At 2pm this afternoon, I am going to be telling my AD that she is going into residential care when she gets discharged from hospital next week. I am absolutely dreading it. She will be devastated!I keep wavering in my resolve, but have to remind myself WHY! It is in everyone's best interests but we are all still heartbroken. The hospital are pushing us to tell her today as she is asking why she isn't allowed to have leave even though she is being discharged next week. My h cannot come with me so I have to tell her on my own, although there will be a staff member there, too. To support her and to be an independent witness to what is said to her. (In case she doesn't hear what is being said/misrepresents what she is told.)If only it could wait a week, as it is her birthday next Wednesday and that is going to be spoiled. I feel so guilty, but it has been HER choice to behave the way she has and the decision has been made because she is unable to make safe choices.My sister is taking me and will wait outside to give me some support when it is finished because I am expecting to be in bits. Not like me - I am usually a really strong person who rarely cries.
lilyofthevalley
August 9, 2013 12:38
I really feel for you. Sometimes we have to do some very hard things. But you are right. You are having to follow through on this difficult decision. You have done all you can. Things can improve over time. My AD went to a residential school at the age of 14. She went on to supported accommodation and then got a council flat. She is now 27 and she is lovely. She works, is responsible, and I have a close relationship with her. Hope things go OK for you.Lily x
Edited 17/02/2021
jollymummy
August 9, 2013 12:45
Thanks Lily - I saw you had posted this somewhere and it gave me some hope. Although we do not know where she is going yet. It would be easier to tell her if we did know.I am also worried about the effect it will have on her twin (who is in a low-secure unit, waiting for a forensic bed) and her younger brother.JM
Edited 17/02/2021
amh
August 9, 2013 12:46
Yes it is hard but sometimes it is the right thing to do.glad you are getting some support with this difficult situation.Hugs for today.
Edited 17/02/2021
Tokoloshe
August 9, 2013 17:55
I hope it went as well as possible You are doing the right thing for her, difficult as it is. Try to take care of yourself
Edited 17/02/2021
Teletubbies
August 9, 2013 20:20
(((jollymummy)))Please take good care of yourself - you have done the right, most helpful thing for your daughter but I know how hard that must have been & how much that must hurt you to be in such a position.I hope your sister was able to help you with plenty of hugs & a shoulder to cry on. You'll need a lot of sleep after all that emotion & the anticipation of having to tell her.Thinking of you & wishing we could help more.Let us know how it went.Best wishesTeletubbies x
Edited 17/02/2021
mama1
August 9, 2013 22:34
Thinking about you xx
Edited 17/02/2021
jollymummy
August 10, 2013 09:11
Well telling her went much better than I expected in some ways but was harder in others.I expected her to be angry or to start bargaining with me but she just hanged her head down and cried (silently). She said she isn't angry with me and just blames herself. Unfortunately, she takes on all the guilt for everything that happens and then you feel sorry for her! There were a lot of tears - mainly from me. Unfortunately, there are questions from her (but echoed by us) about how frequently we will see her/she will see her brother/ where she will be (location wise) and what the place will be like. None of which we have answers to, as they have not identified a place for her yet.She rang me later that evening and she was fine. She says she doesn't blame me and she is looking forward to seeing me today (when I visit her at the unit). So I am feeling a bit better today but still feel guilty and as though I have failed.Thanks for your messages of support. JM x
Edited 17/02/2021
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