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Hi, When we started our adoption journey our BS was 2 years old. The whole prpcess took us 2.5 years so our son was almost 5 when we were placed with 10 months old girl. When we started the process we wanted the gap to be less then 2 years, but now we think that the bigger the gap the better. Our AD was still a baby and our BS has already started school and they adored each other, no jealousy at all, no competition. Our son is perfect big brother but I think it would have looked much different if she was only 2 years old younger than him.

We have a six year age gap, think it depends on child, but glad we have a large gap. Less competitive and means our BD can cope better with needs of our AS!

Hi Moptop,We've just got little bear home after 2.5 years on the adoption rollercoaster. He's 8 months old and BD, big cat, is 6 years old. We initially wanted a small age gap but when we had been approved and were looking at profiles we changed our mind about what would suit our family.He's home and I have lots of time to play and cuddle and fuss and generally coo over him, without any reserve as big cat at school. And big cat taking on the big sister role well and just a bit sad about not having Mum and Dad to herself but she's adjusting. And we've adjusted things so she gets big sister privilages like playing with me after little bear gone to bed. I feel it was absolutely the right descion for our fanily to have a big age gap as I can really attend to his needs and my daughter without feeling totally compromised. But every family is different so have fun finding out what suits you guys.Good luck.

I would agree the bigger the age gap the better. I have two BS, three years apart, which was fine. Then five and 8 years between BS and oldest AD. Five year gap doesn't work brilliantly, I dread to think what it would be like if it was any smaller, but the 8 year gap has always been fantastic. Now new AD has arrived, and there is a seven year gap between her and her big sister, and 15 / 12 years between her and the boys... all of these relationships are working really well. Oldest AD has a lot of needs, and I was apprehensive about how she would cope, but she has surpassed all my expectations. I think the seven year gap means little AD is no threat to her, but is clearly someone who needs to be nurtured. And obviously the gap means daddy-time and other sacrosanct activities can carry on after the little one has gone to bed without any trouble! You might not want to go to quite the extremes our family has, but I have to say, it is working!!

HiThanks for the replies. It does all seem to be pointing to as big a gap as possible! Which is making me wonder if another birth child may instead be the way to go, though don't feel that close to a decision either way!Strange how the social worker said they could go with an 18month age gap potentially. Any differences between them development wise would really be noticeable that close in age ey.Hmmm.,....!

Hello moptopThe age gap between our sons is 18 months and 4 1/2 years. Both work fine but are very different in itself. The two boys 18 months apart share many interests and that is very good. The two boys being 4 1/2 years apart play even more together, but the younger obe profits enormously form the older one. And biggest and youngest are 7 years apart, which makes the oldest son a truly big brother to whom little one looks up. What I mean to say is that life finds a way so that things work out well. Most scenarios will work, in my opinion. The only exception I could think of is an age gap smaller than 18 months as you then can have two children in the same schoolyear which is not ideal. Does that help you in any way? Hope it does. Fara

please keep in mind your child is 2 but it can take about a year to to even get to panel and also another couple of months to get matched so your bc will be more like 4 and if you go for a child under 1 you child will more than likely be at full time school or just startingI think in terms of big age gaps it depends on the type of child you have already and whom you are matched with

Thanks for your replies.Yes it does all help. I wonder how much it is really possible to predict how things would all work out when, as people have said, so much comes down to dynamics and individual personalities etc.My partner and I have quite a laid back "well itl be alright" attitude in general, but this is a pretty big decision for us to have our usual approach to! :D

You cant predict just like when you have birth children i know many people who have two birth children they fight the whole way growing up then rarely see each other apart from family dos My next door neighbours son row all the time she is so worried about when she dies one taking all the money and selling houseing form under the youngest she is making a will now You cant predict anything when it comes to children thats the kicker you dont know what will happen till they move in Its all guess work tbh