Hi, I’m looking into the possibly of doing foster to adopter. I’m worried the impact of doing FTA whilst having birth children and the possibly that the child could be return to their BF.
Any advice greatly accepted.
I have no experience as an adopter but as a foster care worker....
As a foster care worker, the minute you got the phone call asking you to take a placement, you prepared physically for the child arriving, and mentally you prepare yourself for either potentially moving the child back home or onto adoption.
As a foster care worker, you have to prepare yourself mentally in this way, in order for your own self preservation.
There is no difference with what FTA offers, it should be the same principle but if the decision for the child is that adoption is the route to be taken and the child remains with you then the benefits for the child is that you will still remain the principle care givers.
With respect to birth children, you don’t say their ages, but if it was me, I would explain what fostering is, I would prepare the birth children from the offset that potentially the child could return to the birth parents. You need to be honest with your birth children.. When the child arrives you remind birth children that you are fostering it until important decisions are made. Decisions that you have no control over. In order to protect the birth children, when the foster child arrives, that is what it is... a fostered child. Not a brother or sister. I apologise if this sounds harsh, but this is the reality.
Further down the line, when you have the court order, then you introduce the “ you are a big sister/brother “
That’s how I would deal with it if my children were younger.
Unfortunately , due to years of being involved in the system, and knowing how the system works , first and foremost, You need to protect your children, and yourself against the potential heartache of a child being removed from your care when you ideally want to keep it.
Also bear in mind, that in this period of preparation whereby you are in a position to protect and prepare your birth children, this could potentially be one of the last times that you actually put there needs first as once a placement arrives, it’s needs will be much greater and your birth children will inadvertently be on the sidelines. And this could be the situation for the remainder of their lives.
I wish you all the best and I don’t mean this reply to be negative but hopefully it is realistic, others with actual experience may have a different view. Good luck!
Hi Mojo,
Thank you for your advice. I have a AD3 and a BD15. I didn’t go down the FTA route last time due to this fear. My SW is telling me the rest of a failed FTA placement is about 1/20. However, I know from experience that before I got my AO. I felt like an unpaid FC.
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