Edited 17/02/2021
Boundaries/"Discipline" (not keen on word) and toddler???!!!
minnie7
September 2, 2013 20:22
Hi,I have a toddler who is heading towards being 3 years this winter. He is generally easy, well, for a toddler!!!However, I am struggling with putting in boundaries and knowing how to cope with managing some behaviours.I realise he is little but also know he needs some boundaries too. Today has been trying!!! I just feel so unsure about how to do any "discipline" (I have that word but not sure what to use).He will only stop something if I get to a shouty voice (not what I want to be doing). So without shouting, what do people use? Does anyone use any form of time out for such a little one? And, also for adopted children?Not sure if I am being clear here. My brain cells are bit fried today.Any help/suggestions appreciated. Want to stick with nurturing stuff so as not to undo bonding etc but also need some ideas about best way to manage behaviour in adopted little one (realise supernanny ideas probably not the way to go!!!).Minnie x (bit of desperate Minnie after very very very trying day. Did I mention it was a trying day?)
minnie7
September 2, 2013 20:23
I meant to say I hate (not have) that word.
Edited 17/02/2021
Flosskirk
September 2, 2013 20:28
It is hard to get the balance right, I think.They say you can use time outs from about three onwards, but a lot of people don't agree with them. The thing is, the child has to be able to self regulate and reflect on what he has done and what happened, so he can choose to do better next time. A lot of three year olds won't be able to do that. A lot of older children can't do that either.And then, you can get into a very traumatising situation (for both of you) as you try to enforce a time out and it isn't obeyed.Have you tried just picking him up at the first hint of trouble and redirecting him? That's the only thing that really worked round here.
Edited 17/02/2021
Larsti
September 2, 2013 20:38
some people use a 'thinking chair'. Child has to sit for 1 minute for each year of their age. Have never tried it myself. Do a search for 'time in' (before boards disappear tonight!) and you might find something?Distraction is definitely a good strategy for a toddler I think, as Flosskirk says. Also I heard someone say once that routines are good for encouraging co operation. If you always tidy the toys away before tea, say, then the child knows what to expect.Also in the same vein, you can say, 'when we have done X, we will do Y', or 'once you have brushed your teeth I can read your story' or whatever.Don't know if that is a bit advanced for a 3 year old but its a useful strategy to remember. Its better than 'If you don't do X you can't have Y'HTHLarsti
Edited 17/02/2021
Milly
September 2, 2013 21:38
Comment on the behaviours you want to encourage, ignore, distract or redirect those you don't.I think bargaining can work with this age group ie what Larsti describes - if we tidy x, we can then do y etc.Go down to his level and establish eye contact when giving an instruction. Repeat firmly but kindly. Help him start the behaviour you want.Time out at bottom of stairs worked for one of mine - gave her the chance to rethink but was too shameful for the other and just riled her.It's a case of picking what works for your child. Carrot rather than stick though, and very immediate. Also check he CAN do what you are asking and don't sweat the small stuff. (Insisting on picking up toys for example)
Edited 17/02/2021
minnie7
September 3, 2013 07:30
Hi, As this might disappear in next few hours, just wanted to say thank you for replies.You have helped confirm my thoughts/ideas. And reminded me, that distraction can be a very good thing. I was tried and not functioning well yesterday, so doing more telling off than distracting which doesn't work with a toddler!!!Thank you. Minnie x
Edited 17/02/2021
kstar
September 3, 2013 09:10
Incidentally I know someone who is using time in very successfully with two little ones even younger than yours (time in is essentially time out but you keep them close to you instead of sending them away from you). So it is just a case of what works for you!In terms of rewarding good behavior, a friend of mine runs a nursery and they use a kindness tree. Each child has a set of pictures to represent them and every time they are seen doing something positive, one of the leaders hangs one of their pictures on the kindness tree. The children very quickly start doing things especially to get themselves on there (the children are from 2.5 up).
Edited 17/02/2021
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