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Go on the holiday and leave him with your parents! you deserve it, and do not feel guilty!

go - you need it - it will make you stronger for him - without you - he will sink

He has been looking forward to the holiday and I am worried we cold do more damage than good and he would feel abandoned? But I seriously need timeout.x

can you make staying with GPs a treat? so he feels he has something special?

Not really as this is supposed to be our fist family holiday abroad. So fed up of problems every day. Possible ADHD and appointment in a few weeks so hopefully get some news. He already has disorganised attachment disorder. We knew it was going to be hard adopting a slightly older child but would have been nice if we knew everything upfront but never mind moving onwards and upwards.x

I would take him too. You will only worry or feel guilty if not. I think it would be very hard on him if he thinks he is going to then be told he isn't. Has sth recently upset him? Is it the return to school? Is he feeling 'wobbly'? Can you help him to talk about his anger? I have a 3.5 yr old and know how bad tantrums etc can be, but I genuinely don't feel it would be right not to take him in my opinion for what it's worth. Can you try to make him feel occupied during the holiday? Is there a kids club if you need a break? Can you and hubbie take it in turns to have a break and do sth on your own while the other looks after him? Can you agree some holiday rules before you go? Good luck, we are off on hol too soon with our LO.

We are going to have a family chat tomorrow as we try to include him in things. He says he is 6 going on 60 and that is very true. He has seen way to much for a little boy. He tries to act like. Grown up and everything he says is what he has heard from history. I can't imagine leaving him behind as this is something we planned together but feeling so annoyed and frustrated. Nothing we do seems to work. He seems to be getting worse with his behaviour. Oh we'll tomorrow is a new day.x

I don't think that you can leave him since he has been expecting to go. He has experienced too much rejection in his life. This would not be rejection but he would see it as such. Maybe try to increase the number of sleepovers with your parents to give yourselves a break and make sure you buy them lots of flowers!

I would take him - and work on his behaviours the whole time. It's a good opportunity to spend a lot of quality time with him. Life isn't going to be what you expected when you first adopted him - he is going to need a different kind of parenting, one where you have to do masses of specialist work to make him feel safe and secure. He isn't going to be the kind of kid who can easily go on holidays, be left while you go away etc. I know it's tough - I have had one of them for 12 years now and we can't go away on our own and we put up with adhd behaviours and so on. All you can do is work out what works for you - it might be holidays away in future, but since you have said he is going and it could make things much worse if you don't take him, personally I would take him. Life isn't always about us and getting our fun in, unfortunately - when we adopt we do get these massive issues in our lives which we have to find a way of transforming. Parents of autistic children will be facing similar difficulties to what you describe - if you can, find out ways before you go to try to keep your son regulated. I know this is a long term activity but still, you do have some time. Work on the basis that things will go wrong on the holiday from time to time but try to have as nice a time as possible anyway by focusing on the good stuff and let go of the bad stuff as quickly as possible. Don't underestimate how stressed your son is - see his tantrums etc as panic attacks. Just work round his anxiety as much as possible - if he doesn't like museums, don't go to museums. If he can't cope with a kids' club, don't put him into a kids' club. If life goes in the ways he can handle, then I bet you will have a largely good time - it's when they feel out of control that it goes wrong. Best of luck - I have been there (I remember Madeira with our younger daughter!!) but in the end we just relaxed and worked around what she wanted more than what we wanted (we let her eat plain pasta every evening for example) then it was fine.

No because you promised him it is not good to leave him behind. You have to plan this better next time, lol- Ofcourse you can go on a holiday, especially as he can stay with family he knows well, but it needs to be clear from the beginning that this is the case. Work on the fact that he speaks disrespectfull to you first, you do not have to accept this. He talks rubbish, give him a consequence. Every time, consequently. Take controle over his behaviours. The behaviours you describe are often found in adopted children, has your son special needs? Or did you adopt him as a 'mainstream child'? Does he has a statement or is he academically avarage and at the same speed as his class mates? I ask because often adopted children have disabilities what are not clear when they are placed but when they grow older the problems become more obvious.

I would also take him, but I find if I have very low expectations things are usually better than I expected. It has taken many years for us to figure the best holiday for us - never did hotels, self catering villa works very well for us. I used to take the girls duvet covers and pillow cases with us (now just pillow cases). I was very nervous about our first flight - ed was a very anxious child and I had visions of her refusing to get on the plane, or screaming the entire time! We read Topsy and Tim go on an aeroplane probably 1m times, and she was an absolute gem on the flight. She actually really enjoys the journey. We have also taken my parents with us in the past which did give us the opportunity to go out in the evening. We used to take our family book with us, - they found this really reassuring with all the photos of home. Also, remember to tell him that you are coming home together.

Well today was a new day and he got up as he said a new boy..lol. He is my little person and we love him and its so hard when he struggles. New class probably hasn't helped but we are planning the countdown to our first family holiday abroad. I was so upset yesterday and obviously we could never leave him behind. I would have cried for the whole week. Thank you all for your support.x

Just a thought: perhaps this is actually about two separate things. The holiday is one and you and your OH getting a break is another. Since your parents have offered to take your son while you go away, could you consider planning a short break for just you and your OH. My parents have taken our boys one weekend a year since they were five and seven. I know that I'm incredibly lucky and not everyone has such support. But, if your patents are willing, it might be a good thing for you all. As for the holiday, beginning to look at ways to make it more if a break sounds like a good plan. What were the worst parts of this year's holiday? Can any be avoided? Could you take favourite snacks and avoid some food troubles? Would he be less demanding if you made a written list of which choices are his and which are yours?