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Why being apologetic about it? That is not something to be ashamed of.Finding the family what can meet a childs needs is important, race is only a small part of this. Children need homes to call their own, that should be priority. What is more damaging? living in care or in a family what does not reflect ones race.Often the first I would think.

Interesting how the pendulum swingsI have an adoptee I know who was adopted by a white family and when she went to uni struggled to fit as she was White nin culture and yet she didn't feel her identity there and she couldn't fit with the BMe grps either. Insecure attachment style and it was ever so tough for her. For me, it's about the right match and celebrating the positive about their bf culture as much as possible. Not sure if this would work! What do you think?

I was at school with a girl who is of afro-caribean decent (nearly 30 years ago!); she and her brothers were adopted by white parents, they were fab with all three and enouraged their awareness of their heritage - not so dissimilar to you Jet, what comes around goes around and all that!MF

Think times have changed which is good, but I still think it is important for the children to have at least one person in their family that they resemble. All 3 of your children have a similar heritage Jet, so they can relate to each other and I'm sure that helps them a lot.I still have a problem with white couples adopting black or mixed race children as the children cannot see any similarities with their parents and adopted children need to feel they fit in more than birth children.

I'm not sure that its a question of being back in fashion. I'm deep in discussions about a mixed heritage child, white mum, African dad. If he was to stay within his birth family he would have a white mum, just like me and would probably have very little exposure to his African heritage. He is with a white foster family in a very white part of the country, no other black or mixed heritage children in his school. If we are matched he will come to a diverse city and go to a school with children who look like him. I have a lot of personal knowledge and experience of Africa. I feel that I will be able to make sure that he experiences both sides of his culture. I couldnt say this if he had Caribbean or Asian heritage as I dont know anything about those cultures.My ex husband,( born in Tooting Bec )is of West African ethnic origin. When I met him he had no idea about his African culture, could not speak the language, knew nothing about the history. He spent a fortune on those awful skin lightenin creams. He was extremely lacking is self confidence in his identity as a Black Briton or as an African man, because his African parents couldnt be bothered to give that to him. It was me that encouraged him to have pride in his African identity. As part of a mixed heritage couple in the early 80s when there werent many of us about, I can also say that I have experienced extreme racial prejudiuce from both the black and white communities.I never set out to adopt a mixed heritage child but I look at his photo and read the reports and think yes I can give a future to him. ( Incidetally his SW approached me) This child unfortunately ticks all the boxes that put him the hard to place category because of age, gender, special needs, ethncity. Surely it is better for his long term life chances to be placed with a family with a well developed understanding of racial and ethnicity issues, can give him exposure to that part of his heritage, than to leave him languishing in a system which we all know is flawed in so many ways ?

Serrakunda you will make a great Mum because you have been in a mixed relationship and have experienced racism first hand which a lot of "white couples" won't have. That is my point. A lot of very well meaning white people adopt for all the right reasons, but they can never really know what it feels like to be a minority, or to be always judged purely on your skin colour. Barrack Obama is always called the first black President - People forget he is half white and had little or no contact with his African father throughout his childhood. Society will always see him as black despite being brought up by his white Mum and white grandparents.Good luck with your little one - You sound like you are really informed and he will be a lucky little boy to have you as his Mum.

Thanks jmkI very much hope as we all do that I will be a great mum when the time comes and that I can give this little boy the chance he deserves. We are a little way off a final decision as yet but I hope in the next month we'll be there.I think everyone involved is more concerned about ensuring that his special educational needs are met, the mixed heritage part almost seems to be secondary.I do think this is a minefield though and white people need to think very carefully before going down this route. Because of my travels in Africa (not confined to Thompsons hotels) I have often found myself as the only, or one of a handful of white faces in the village.It can be quite disconcerting, because its just not something most white people exeprience. Most white people also really have no idea how subtle racism can be, its so much more than calling people horrible names. I do agree that unless you have experienced some form of discrimination yourself its really hard to understand how it feels and the impact it can have on you.As I also said my experience and knowledge is Africa, I dont feel I would be able to do such a good job if he was of Caribean or Asian origin because I just dont know enough.I feel it will be my job to develop the confidence and self esteem so he can go out and find his place in the world, proud of who and what he is. So fingers crossed - it would help a lot of his SW worked more than two days a week though