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Congratulations Pawprints :-) Has your SW got any suggestions? Do you have a date in the diary to meet up with the FCs. If so could you mark it on a calendar/visual timetable type thing? Are you 'allowed' to phone the FCs for a brief chat? We didn't have this problem (which is a good one to have as it were....our son settled in without a backwards glance (at first). We were advised to have just one visit with the FCs and then never see them again, which we didn't agree with and have seen them several times. Some SWs seem to think the child will be confused if they see the FCs and perhaps some may be, but IMHO if the FCs are willing to meet up that is hugely beneficial. We were blessed to have FCs who are generous hearted.

You do need to seek advice from your SW but I am a big advocate in early contact with foster carers and then a gradual withdrawal to whatever level of contact you want to maintain as you move forward. Our children lose so much in their short lives and why should they lose the one positive attachment/relationship that they have had. Old school thought among SW-ers is that the children need to forget foster carers in order to make a good attachment. There is little evidence to back this up. One good attachment predicts the next. Children can have more than one significant attachment in their lives. A therapist once said to me that when a person gets married their main attachment shifts to their partner but no one asks them to forget about their parents and never see them again. Both atrachments/relationships are maintained. I know that for a child with less understanding of relationships this is not a like by like comparison but I think it is helpful in putting ourselves in the children’s shoes. Could you perhaps organise a FaceTime call over the weekend with the carers so that the child knows that they are still alive and that they are thinking of them. Then push for a face to face meeting in a neutral place over the next week or so and then perhaps another one a few weeks later. We have been foster carers in the past and although both children were pre-verbal toddlers when they went back to birth family we maintained regular contact for the first couple of months. Their parents said that these early and regular visits seemed to help settle the child more and more after each visit. They children realised that we were ok, we had not abandoned them, they could see we were giving them permission to to be with their family and gradually transferred their attachment to their parents.

what bakergirl said! I have seen several of my previous fosterlings face to face quite quickly following placement, from 1 week to a month or so (slightly odler but with skype inbetween times). without exception it has been of benefit to the children concerned (from parental reports), not one of them wanted to come home with me though the older ones do ask to make sure everything is still as they remember it. all these children remain in contact, some years down the line, not necessarily face to face now but they know who I am and are in communication. its lovely for me, but for them I hope its still an assurance that they remain loved and thought about despite the distances between us.

The plan for introductions we had for dd2 (then aged 2) worked really well. The sw in charge was very clear about best practice. After taking dd home for good, we had a planned meeting with fc who came to our house - within 2 weeks (can't recall exactly) and then another a month or so later. It was fine. Dd didn't cling to her or want to go home with her. She was still at the stage of being wary of us, passive during hugs, avoided physical contact etc. She did accept our care in other ways though and strangely, it always felt like she understood we were her new family , even though she was so young and her speech wasn't that developed. I think it would be good to contact or meet up with them. We were told it was important that it was at our house - shows the fc acknowledges the child now lives there and supports their new family.

Thanks everyone, the FC has gone away on holiday this week so we may see if we can do a FaceTime while they are away and then set up a meet for when they are back. It’s all been very rushed so I think it has been very confusing for her. SW is visiting again next week so will have a chat about it.