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Thanks Mrs Reg - I really am worried and dont know whether to mention it to SW or FC.Also, forgot to say in my earlier post, that we are also having a name issue.BS is refusing to call twinkle by her name. He says he doesn't like it (not too fussed on it myself but I'm sure it will grow on us) - and it is embarasing, so when we are out he has started calling her by a completely different name. I have explained that her name is important to her, and her sense of identity, but he still says its awful and he cant bring himself to say it or tell his friends, I have also asked him to perhaps think of a pet name for her if he has a problem with her name - but no.I really am in a bit of a tiss - I just burst into tears watching the news! - DH thinks I've lost the plot !Cx

I can understand how upsetting this is, but I rather think this is pretty normal and to be expected behaviour. It must feel as if his world is being turned upside down, and I would think he feels rather awkward about the whole business. But I am sure it will pass, especially as he is able to put into words something of how he feels.If it is any consolation I had an elder brother 11 years older than me, and we had a lovely relationship - and my eldest adopted daughter is 11 older than the first of my birth sons. Again after a short time he became devoted to her.best wishes, Queenie

We have a 13 year old and intros were hard for him too... but I guess we are lucky as he has 2 older brothers and one younger half brother so was used to being a brother. It may take time for him to get used to being a brother. I'm sure you are'bigging' him up when he is round her - we found giving DS some sense of responsibility helped - things like - could you get her off the swing - she only wants you to do it. Then we used to tell him a few white lies like telling him that when he wasn't there she got really upset and wanted him there.I know how hard it is to tone things down when DS is around - I still can't do it. I must admit that I wouldn't tell the SW - but only because I have had some bad experiences with sw taking things out of context and over reacting to comments we innocently made - nearly jeapodising the placement.Days alone with one of you, special time with grandparents and I'm afraid to say presents may work!He has had his nose put out of joint which in the long term will actually be good for him but in the short term is upsetting at best.Good luck. x

Hi Claire54321I can empathise with you. My AD has been with us for 6 days and my BD (11) is showing signs of jealously. Before AD moved in my BD could not wait but the reality of having to share me is now setting in. I am also a single adopter so my BD world has been turned upside down. It will get better I set time aside for my BD with DVD nights and popcorn and she is coming round!. AD is also quite jealous at the moment but this is also improving. Just keep spending quality time with your son and he will come round. He will probably be the best Big Brother!!!D.

I have a similar age gap too. Hope you are congratulating yourselves on having a boy who can share these feelings with you ! I suggest 1.completely over the top bigging up of him in every way. Probably what they all need at this age so lucky to have an excuse !!2. making sure he knows his needs come first - actually they both come first of course, but he needs not to have been relegated to 2nd ! Twinkle is little and can reasonably be expected to follow big son's schedule of football practice or whatever while you entertain her on the sidelines3. sympathising with him (or asking for sympathy from him !) about how Twinkle is irritiating in some ways ! eg arrange to take big son to cinema and leave Twinkle at home with dh. In car say, wow I am sure glad to have a night off from Twinkle ! she's lovely but if I had to pil those bricks up one more time I think I'd go mad !4. more bigging up5. don't worry too much about 'tripe face' - he's 12 - you were about to get a lot of that anyway !!!6. letting him have time on his own (eg computer games, reading etc)7. bigging him up to Twinkle. And saying stuff to him like 'I so love it when you make her laugh like that' and 'wow she's all happy now, she was in such a grump with me half an hour ago'8. identifying stuff that makes her laugh and passing over to him as his special game without either of them noticing you did a switch !! make sure dh knows how clever you've been or this one makes you grumpy ! usually involves a mess too ... eg piling up those stacking cups and knocking over, or hiding under sofa cushions and saying boo, or falling off sofa onto every cushion in the house.I think teens and toddlers are a great mix. Congratulations.xxx