Archived Forums

I don't understand, where would they be? Must have missed something

If you have a look at the pinned thread at the top re the website that might explain

Oh okJust thought you would see where they are going without being able to access it

As far as I know, it is a temporary absence - hope so anyway.

.... " I really wish when everyone left, they had considered the huge loss to lurkers..."Everyone hasnt left, though huge numbers will soon excluded by AUK so perhaps pose your point to them.In light of the threat of making most boards (and presumeably that includes the ones we adopters most commonly use) only accessible via payable membership, we are being forced to find alternative free methods of supporting each other. The lurkers are suffering a loss as a result of the decisions of AUK against the wishes of "everyone" that is "leaving", sorry would love to continue helping others, but I m not paying for the privilegePS I dont think everyone has left yet, just massively disheartened and weaning ourselves off the boards so we wont have to all go through withdrawal and detox when AUK pull the plug :-( :-(

It is interesting that you noticed the difference, I wonder if others did too? I have certainly noticed the lack of posts, and that the breadth and richness of experience I have valued hasn't been available in the past couple of days. I notice some familiar names back in circulation today, all have been much missed.

I said it was quiet. They moved that thread to the Discussions board. They'll probably do the same with this thread in a minute. AUK have always underestimated the huge resource these boards are. And now they're trying to break them. bizzy

I have noticed how quiet it is here. I am not really clued in to what is happening/what the changes are. But what has struck me is that there are far fewer posts. It is such a shame as I have really valued the advice I have got either from posting looking for some or by reading replies to other posts. Given I am clearly not clued up, where has everyone disappeared to?Minnie x

HiIf you look at the pinned thread 'Adoption UK website project' you will see that Adoption UK intend to revamp these boards and make most of them private to Adoption UK members only.So quiet is how these boards may be in the future. I agree that it would be a shame, as now it is possible for people to get advice without having to ask.

It was a temporary absence, in the hope that it won't become a permanent absence caused by AUK deciding to charge to access the boards.

As far as I can see posts are still getting replies and I think if the "regulars" are taking a break maybe other people will emerge to give their responses. I imagine there are many lurkers who would like to join in but may feel unsure whether their contribution will be of value. Many times I have started to post and then deleted it as I feel that the regulars will take over anyway.I was a member of Adoption UK long before message boards existed and remember that if we needed to talk something through we were linked up with people with similar circumstances and could email in complete privacy.The message boards opened up a new world and perhaps they should have been exculsively members only from the beginning with perhaps one open section for people to "try before you buy" As far as privacy goes - when you've been on the boards for a while you get to know the people who can help you/think along the same lines, and it is easy to contact them in private to discuss your problems, you don't need a message board for that. There are also ways to have group chats away from the boards, there is one set up for users of these boards already I believe.

Homebird - I couldn't agree with you more.The regular posters stepping aside would be a big loss for the boards without a doubt, however I do think a large number of lurkers are put off and it would be good to see a bigger variety of posters. I've been a fully paid up member for 5 years and don't post terribly often but read several times a day.I think nothing in this life is free - and websites with forums are very expensive to run. It might be useful for AUK to give a figure of how much the boards cost - AUK don't make a profit on membership fees, if people don't pay then there will be no boards at all, free or otherwise. As for private boards then yes I'm in favour - it will help me feel even more that I'm getting my money's worth though I do feel the magazines, support groups and helpline offer very good value for money already. AUK have made it clear that some boards will still be accessible by all. I think we need to trust them on this. They are listening, nothing has changed yet and they are professional people doing a very good job under difficult financial circumstances. I never stick my neck out on this site, but AUK are being misrepresented here, and should be supported rather than criticised.

I am an AUK member and hope the majority of the boards stay open and free so people thinking about adoption, professionals open to learn about adopters experiences, as well as experienced adopters are sharing views and informationthere has long been a need for a private board for adopters who need non-judgmental support when they are facing extrme challenges due to their childs level of complex needs or are coming up against education, sw or camhs who do not understand the long term nature of attachment and trauma difficulties and blame current issues on current parentingalso for those being investigated for allegations or child protection concerns, those at risk of their children becoming Section 20 (voluntary LAC) or at risk of have their children removed through the courtshowever there would still be a need for some anonymised lessons to be learnt from these threads ? summary articles in Adoption Today

Well put Baz and Homebird,It has been long requested that these boards are more private and not open for all the world to view. Having boards for members only is, in my opinion, one way to keep the discussions and comments more private. As with everything, you cant please all of the people all of the time but we should perhaps continue to offer our views to AUK and trust that they will (wanting our membership fees and support) listen to the users and come up with an acceptable and usable answer...

It's a shame if people are put off from sharing their experiences. However, I've only been coming on these boards for 6 months but have never felt 'shut down' by any 'regulars'. I would encourage everyone to contribute

Baz - I co-own a site that runs over 30 different forums (and a media magazine) and can tell you - they really don't cost all that much to run. Once the initial software is bought, it's just server costs - and they are very inexpensive nowadays.Most message boards costs are fully met by ads, which I understand AUK wouldn't want to use, but even so, costs wouldn't be all that high and could easily be covered by a small fee from all the many users of these boards (if they charged).I always find it sad when people post that they are afraid to add their opinion on a thread. I don't always agree with opinions posted, but have never been met with true aggression over a differing opinion. Arguments against my opinion - but never anything I felt was personal.It's sad if others feel this is the case .

Hi,The reason some of us regular posters decided to have a break from the boards was to show that without these regular posters answering newcomers questions the boards would be so quiet, the people asking would get no replies. Auk only answer posts if the person appears to be in a crisis, they do not generally bother answering the more general, or trivial questions, relying on us regular posters to do so for them. All of us regular posters “do” want more security on the boards. We have been asking for “one” secure board for years and were always told that this was not possible. However, it now seems that “most” of the boards are going to be private and for some of us it seems to big a jump from what we have now and we are concerned that it too much of the boards are private, then newcomers or prospective adopters will be left out of any interesting/informative discussions which may be all on the members only private boards. I think the danger is it will become even more cliquey than it is now and will create an “us” and “them” situation.What I proposed on the website thread, was that apart from one informative open board telling people about adoption, how to go about it etc, the rest of the boards should remain as they are at present, but that everyone using them should pay a fee for this service. If it was say, £24/year, that amounts to 50p/week and I think most of us could afford to pay this nominal amount for the chance to chat to other adopters in a more secure environment. It would also keep trolls or BF members away as they would be unlikely to pay a fee to join and they would have to register themselves in order to do so, which would put them off. Then I also think there should be just “one” more secure board where people who are experiencing more severe issues could go to discuss things in a more secure environment. I think this extra board should only be available to people who have already had children placed, and not to prospective adopters, or those approved but with no children placed yet. In other words you should have to have a genuine need to apply to join this board. Auk would probably have an additional charge for this secure board, but I'm sure as long as it was a reasonable amount most people needing this facility would agree to pay this extra fee for the added security.Homebird – there is nothing to stop anyone from replying to anyone's posts and the reason us regulars reply so much, is because quite often we see a post from someone asking for advice and no-one has replied so sometimes we feel obliged to respond.By the very nature of the boards there are always going to be differing opinions offered and you are not always going to agree with every reply, but most of us pick and chose the replies we think are most helpful, and ignore those that we don't agree with. I actually find your comments about us regular posters quite hurtful, because without their posts there would be no boards and no support. What people forget is that they are giving up their time to help and support others, to share their knowledge and to try and prevent newcomers going through the same stress that they may have been through themselves. They do this for free and to support other adopters and to condemn them for this is very unfair. Remember there is nothing to stop you posting more.

I've noticed a touch more variety in the replies in the adopters section over the past couple of days. It's a welcome sight, and no doubt an encouraging one for the daily users (who've expressed concern that a new and more general 'open' section will be deserted. Clearly there ARE others out there who're just as willing to give their time and advice; it'll take the pressure off of daily users who currently feel obliged to provide all the responses).This thread has had in the region of 800 views, but only a handful of replies. So, if you're reading this as someone who lurks only through fear of posting, please DON'T be afraid! Your fellow adopters would love to hear from you

Hi,To give an example, I have posted queries on a couple of occasions on the free ERIC (childhood continence) message boards. The replies from other parents are very few and far between and I have not really found the ERIC moderators' response to be that helpful - in fact, on one occasion it just felt like they were trying to sell me a particular product. I would hate these boards to be reduced to that.What I value here is the richness and diversity of experience. I am big enough and ugly enough to sift through this and decide what is of value and what is bonkers (and sometimes some of it IS bonkers, but hey!)When I was new on the boards, I could only comment on what was true for me. As I have found my feet as a parent, I feel I can comment on a wider range of issues with more confidence - but it's only MY experience, it doesn't trump anyone else's, and that's the point - we can potentially give you lots of perspectives, and you can choose the one which fits best for you. In fact, I have found recently some very vociferous posts from more recent adopters, and am often surprised that they are so sure that their experiences are more valid than those of others.