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No advice on the s20 as we are not in England so the rules are different... However I do want to ask what you are doing to look after yourself as it sounds to me like you are struggling with blocked care/secondary trauma (google it) and need to look after yourself. Its quite common amongst adopters parenting the most damaged kids and tends to hit those who are most empathetic. You can recover, but need to find space to look after yourself - if you have a good GP they may be able to help. Hopefully someone will be along soon who can help with the s20 stuff. Out of interest how old is your son? Good luck and ((hugs))

As is 6, BD is 10. I have been to see gp, I'm on anti-depressants (have been since November) and seeking advice and help from a counselor but still doesn't do much. I hate everyday in my house and don't want to get up.

Six is very young - I can see why SW are reluctant to accommodate him.... Hopefully someone with more experience will be along soon...

can you make a case for safeguarding concerns about your BD? Do the SWs have a timescale for removing him? I'm sorry things are so difficult, please take care

No timescale given, but that's what I keep saying what about the safety of BD, they just say we have to manage it and have concern for his emotional well being, I'm worried about them both and what might happen while he's here still.

What support or help are they offering in place of removal? How long has he been with you?

I’m so sorry things are so difficult for you all I just wanted to send you my support- I’m afraid I don’t know much about s 20 etc But on a practical level, could you book your son into another few days of play scheme to get you through the week and then next week he will be back at school. At least this will give you some breathing space and time to think, talk, make calls etc You do (understandably ) sound very low. Would it be worth going back to the gp to review your medication? Maybe they could do more to help to get you through this difficult time? Self care is so important and you must focus on yourself as well as the kids. Does your son have any diagnosis? Has he been assessed? When my ad was younger I found her very challenging. She has since been diagnosed with adhd and the medication, along with various therapies, makes an enormous positive difference Sending love x

You can ask for respite care which may be considered as you are having huge difficulties I think.you need some diagnoses too ...... if there is an underlying condition then as Freddie2 says there is a chance for behaviours to improve with therapy and/or medication . It does sound that you are at the end of your tether trying to meet the needs of your children I know that you must have tried so hard and when you cannot see progress it is heart breaking. We had to fight to get our girls' needs recognised and we had to use Section 20 but we had SGO's and they were teens. It worked for us but our situation was very complex. As others have posted, you also need to look after yourself. Keep a diary of behaviours and video it. Take pictures of bruising caused. It is all evidence which will help in the long run. There are a lot of conditions which may be affecting your AS. ADHD has already been mentioned. Others such as ODD may be considered. Or FAS. If you make a doctor appointment and take in notes of behaviours and stress caused in the family then it is a start for referral to someone who can diagnose. Press for respite while this is going on. If things really become unsafe them you must have emergency numbers to hand ....The Duty desk provides cover. Is there anyone close by who can.offer some respite? All the vety best. Hugs. Johanna

Have you thought about getting in touch with your local MP and seeing if they can help put pressure on SS ?

I would say that you need an emergency planning meeting and you need a timetable towards a move. Ss will seek to delay this and often cause greater problems. Respite can be a shortcut by saying following respite there must be a planned return or a planned move. At least you and your other child aren’t being hit in the meantime. Recently I’ve heard of families applying and having their adoptees made wards of court this has advantages as s20 is not under court scrutiny and so social care cannot get away with not meeting the ward child’s needs.

I’m so sorry to hear you are having these problems however I’d counsel caution on pressing SS that your BD may be in danger because one of their options is to move her to emergency foster care.

I things have got a lot worse he pushed daughter down the stairs yesterday. I have spoke to the safeguarding team directly myself and waiting for mash to contact me today. I have also reported the incidents to the police. Social worker just says I need to arrange my own respite care but I have no o e is able to take him at the moment. I know this sounds awful but I really do t want him in my house and do t want to pick him up from his playscheme today. Have been debating on taking him to children's services and demanding they rehone bit scared I'll be done with abandonment though I wouldn't leave him u til they'd sorted something. Hubby is speaking to adoption disruption specialist solicitor today to get advice as well

It does sound as if your relationship with him has completely broken down. How long has he been with you? We’re you made aware of any issues before he came to you? If he was an older child at placement then I would hope SS would have been aware and Information was shared with you. I don’t really know what to suggest - are they offering any sort of therapy or are you certain it won’t work? He is still awfully young for S20 and even then he’ll stilll be your child, but you’ll be parenting from a distance. This is assuming you have the AO already?

Here, social care will threaten you with ‘abandonment of a child’ if you try and get a child made s20. It’s hot air. But horrendous to hear when you’ve sacrificed so much. Stick to your guns. I’ve known people plan to take their child to school and then refuse to collect them to force ss to act, but it’s an extreme course of action. Others have gone to meetings and in process of being fobbed off once more, point to their child’s packed bags in the corner. I would get on the phone to radley and Hall, specialist adoption solicitors for help. I would be requesting a placement like the SAACs in the midlands

We informed SS hat we would not be allowing our 16 year old back in the house and they collected her from school and found somewhere for her to stay that night. We contacted them just after 9am. We were never threatened with child abandonment. The reality is your daughter could have been killed being pushed downstairs . If I regret anything I regret not acting sooner to put daughter into care. You and your daughter do not matter to SS , so you have to fight for her and yourself. I know it was the hardest decision in my life to make but was the best one in the circumstances

Hoping that SSD are listening to you. They need to provide immediate help to you and are failing in their duty of care to ALL of you if they are not. Johanna

They only want to do a planned move even though that as again threatened to kill my daughter and myself, then went to try and get a knife I stopped in going in drawer and they're all away but he had the intention. We are thinking of giving social services 72 hours notice to sort something or we will be taking him and his belongings to the office for them to take him

The Duty desk for Social Services is contactable over weekend. Advise the police also on non-emergency line. Request help. Hugs coming your way. Johanna x

I really believe he needs to be out of your home now, this very minute. What if he is successful in his attempt to kill you or your daughter ?