December 12, 2020 23:16
My husband and I had our first visit in January and were due to have our training soon after which was cancelled due to Covid. Instead, we had a two-hour online workshop which didn't feel like an adequate replacement for three days in-person training with other prospective adopters. After this and hearing we had passed Phase 1, we decided to take a break and now have a few weeks to make the decision of whether to continue to Phase 2.
In part due to the pandemic and other events in our lives, I have developed a strong anxiety that I am not suitable to become an adoptive parent. I suffer a lot from anxiety and am worried that my mental health would not be robust enough to adequately support a child, particularly if the child had complex needs. My husband would like to proceed to Phase 2 but is open to stopping the process completely, though he would find it hard.
Another issue is that we have been advised to gain more experience of taking care of children, but this is not possible due to Covid restrictions. The agency has indicated that this lack of opportunity to build up that experience would likely count against us in Phase 2 and yet hasn't proposed an alternative.
Did anyone go through these doubts and either decide to go ahead or not adopt? And has anyone had similar challenges to the process due to the pandemic?
I'd be grateful for any shared experiences or advice. I am finding it difficult to make a final decision.
December 13, 2020 18:12
Thanks so much Safia for the response. I'm exploring the anxiety issues with a counsellor so I'm glad that would be seen favourably. That's also great advice to register with organisations where we might be able to volunteer, even if it might not be for a while. I'll look into that. Thank you again.
December 17, 2020 19:46
Thanks Serrakunda27, that's really comforting that these kinds of doubts are normal. Yes that's a good suggestion to say we'll commit to getting some more experience before panel, I have looked at volunteer opportunities but they're currently limited due to Covid. We have a follow-up meet with a social worker in January so will ask them then what might be possible.
Thank you again.
August 1, 2021 14:20
Hi Sun-ra, I know you wrote this post a while back but thought I would write just incase you are still having the same issues. I am a 38 year old woman who was adopted at the age of 2 years old. my adopted mother had a difficult childhood and although she had all the best intentions she found it hard to bond with me once I was adopted into the family and wanted to give me back. Due to pressure from the rest of my adopted family she kept me, but it led to her resenting me and I didn't have a very pleasant time and nor did she. I don't blame my adopted mother for this as she had an abusive upbringing herself and had a lot of issues that she hadn't dealt with and she had no idea that having me as a little girl was going to bring up a lot of her issues. I'm writing this to say that if you are really having doubts then it is good fo you to explore where they Stem from and really make sure that you are in a good place before committing to taking on a young child.
I think my mum felt trapped when I was adopted as she knew she couldn't give me back. An adopted child is already suffering from issues of abandonment, not feeling loved, self esteem issues etc so being placed with a family or mother who are going to reinforce these feelings can be extra detrimental. I think anybody who wants to adopt needs to be 100 percent sure that they have dealt with their own deep rooted issues as much as possible and that they will be able to treat the child with acceptance and love even if they don't feel love for the child straight away. Good luck with whatever path you choose.