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For me, it was less about feeling a connection and more about whether I could parent this child, or rather was there anything about this child that I was certain I couldn’t manage.

From there it was an information gathering exercise. Thinking about what else I’d need to know, reading between the lines, interpreting what was said into what was actually meant! Busy child could mean something entirely different!

At one point we were information gathering on a baby and initially there didn’t seem to be a reason to say no - then some months in something was discovered, something bm had fibbed about, which meant that we knew we wouldn’t be the right family for this child.

Start with your head, ask the difficult questions. Is there any reason for an outright no. If not, the connection can grow the more you know.

Good luck

I was like you, looking for a ‘pull’ connection but to be honest it’s not really feasible at this stage. Much better to follow Donatella’s advice and look at the practical and logistical evidence. Once you get more info and you know more about them etc then you may feel more of a match and even a connection. Don’t rush into anything though x

We adopted twice and the second time, in particular, read a lot of children's profiles. Sometimes I felt a "pull" but the circumstances around the child weren't what we felt we wanted to deal with. Other times we went forward to meeting the child's sw but weren't matched as another family was chosen, but it was more about the sws wanting to meet us than the child feeling like "the one".

We did feel strongly about the child who became our first daughter but mostly I think because she was much younger than we had expected (a baby - which we had been told wouldn't happen) and because there was nothing in the little known of her that put us off in any way.

For our second child we didn't feel anything special. We had had to wait a long time for a match and there was nothing in her details that we felt we couldn't manage. I didn't even feel that excited the day we went to meet her or even after meeting her, but we had made a commitment and we got on with it. We wanted a second child and were glad to get on with our lives. That was 12 years ago- she's totally part of our family and we've never looked back.

There's been ups and downs with both children but they are ours and we love them. I think doubts or worries are natural because you don't truly know how things will pan out but you need to make a rational decision as to what's right for you - the feelings will hopefully develop, though maybe not straight away or even for quite a while.

Good luck!

Sounds like unhelpful fairy tale adoption mush being thrust at you and frankly you don’t need that pressure! At this stage it’s most definitely head over heart. You have to weigh up lots of things. Can this child be parented by us in these circumstances with these skills?

For us, we did feel a pull to our little one's profile, but I think that's because it was really well written and completely conveyed his personality. We wanted to know more and when we were reading the CPR, it was a case of, is there anything here we couldn't cope with? I definitely agree with Milly, we were more concerned with his social worker thinking we were the right family rather than wondering if he was right for us. Luckily they thought it was a great match too.

I felt a connection with the information but when I met the real child I didnt - maybe because I had a long wait to meet her I had built up a picture in my mind that wasn't how she was. I also felt so sorry for her reading what she had been through - so I let my heart rule my head. In many ways I shouldn't have adopted her as she needed so much and things were so difficult - but we have come through the hard times, we have a very strong relationship and she is now doing very well - so I don't regret anything - just wished we had had the support we needed from the professionals who nearly destroyed us.

So as others have said - let your head rule your heart and don't worry about connections with a photo and a piece of paper

Thank you all for your responses, they’ve been really reassuring and helpful.