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Yes, initial visits can be long. The look around the house is not major, they just want to see how suitable it will be for a family. What age children and how many children your home might be suitable for.Re the fact that your partner is still married, yes it does matter and yes he will need to get a divorce and be warned it is very unlikely that any agency will progress you until this is done and sorted. Some agencies may also ask for a cooling off period post-divorce before they will take you on. It would be the same if you were moving house; they'd put you on hold until you had moved and been settled in your new home for 6 months.While he is still married to someone else it makes the fact of him becoming a parent to another child who is not his former partner's more complicated. SS will want to see a final resolution to the marriage and financial support provision made for his child.Divorces don't have to be big solicitor led dramas, I know a couple who DIY'd their divorce quite successfully. If both parties are in agreement and there is little fuss over finances it can be done.Good luck,Midge

The looking round the house stuff is completely normal for sws. But I agree with Midge from a sws perspective your partner is legally committed to someone else and as that person is not you, if anything bad happened to them, then legally that person could make decisions about finances etc. so if partner was in an accident and couldn't communicate she might make decisions based on her best interests and not adopted child's interests. I'm not doubting his commitment to you or your relationship, as with already having a daughter, I think that might be the reason for not getting a divorce, but to a SW this doesn't look good legally as well as possibly lacking commitment to your relationship and your future children. It will be very tough whichever way he decides to go with this and sw will also interview bd to see if she agrees to adoption and his and any of your ex partners too. Hope you get through it l

you will defintiiely have a 'cooling off' period. i left my ex 10 years prior to applying to foster and all was going well til they decided that i we were still married (technically!) that he would need to be assessed as a fc too (even tho he lived over 6000 miles away). i challenged that decision and won, then he asked for a divorce which they said 'great' coz it would make every thing easier but that i had to take at least 6 months off from teh process. i did have to push for a time scale, it was all a bit airy fairy with 'when you're ready' etc being bandied about, but i did get a definitive 6 months, and 6 months to the day from the date of the divorce papers i rang the agency back. it was very frustrating as all the emotional stuff had been dealt with years before but i still had to wait. get your partners divorce on the go as fast as possible to minimise the delays to your application to adopt. should be a simple thing to do, assuming no animosity to the idea from the partners wife.

Thanks for all your replies.... Thats depressed me I`ll have to have a good word when the SW comes back on the 19th, maybe begging might help, but also she hates dogs so i might let them out to have a word aswell.All she said was he needs to get a divorce so maybe the council we are with see it a bit different.Oh well, fingers crossed and thanks again.Matt

Forgot to say aswell that my partner and his former wife get on great and there have no issues at all with each other... could this help a little?Matt

it's generally a standard policy mattio and nothing teh sw can say any different about, a major life changing event (and divorce is counted as such) means a delay to teh process to give every one time to adjust. its very frustrating when that adjustment has already been done eyars before but its very unlikely that any LA or any other agency will say differently. sorry to be bearer of harsh tidings. my divorce took around three months to sort as it was a simple uncontested one, (only minor delays were to financial support for me which worked very much in my favour as his idea of support was far more generous than mine so i never told him my idea!! and coz it went over christmas), and then the additional 6 months from date of the decree absolute, ss didn't count the nisi as being complete, had to wait for the absolute. so 9 months in total, plus the additional 2 months to wait for a sw to be reallocated, so actually 11 months. worth the wait, though i'd have preferred not to have had it.

It is so frustrating, a 6 month delay would be horrific. At first the sw was eager to get us going and was talking about a 9 month timescale, and the only resaon it gets delayed for months and months is due to people being after the perfect child or references not being given etc...Now this!These quick divorcies take about 6 weeks dont they?? I am so mad about this!We moved 2 weeks ago and they werent concerned about that... im just hoping you are all wrong and they are ok for us to continur lol...oh well....Matt

you can always live in hope, i wouldn't delay starting teh divorce proceedings though! a quickie divorce is usually reserved for simple situations, ie no children or property to sort out. courts want to be sure that children are suffieciently supportly. anyway, good luck, and hope all goes well in your adoption journey.

Hi Mattio,I think you'll find that waiting and a need for patience is a pre-requisite for adopters. A very FAST timescale for adoption is around 18-24 months from initial enquiry to placement with a child. There are many adopters on these boards who take that long just to get to approval and another year plus beyond that waiting for a match. A more average timescale from first enquiry to placement is 2-4 years. You need to get your head around the fact that waiting is big part of the whole thing.Midge