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I heard this reported in R4 yesterday with a campaigner for open adoption interviewed. This former SW seemed to be advocating all adoptions should be open and her own AD had been in regular contact with Birth Family since age 6. She spoke of how she entered adoption knowing she was giving a place to a child who needed her, not creating a family, very worthy but would suggest what she is doing is more akin to fostering, not adoption. Unfortunately this can help create a public perception of adopters generally being in to for selfish reasons only. A statement followed fromAUK where they pointed out the risks of a blanket open adoption approach. As much as you can feel for this and many other mothers who loose their children because of the terrible collateral damage from certain mental health conditions, the vast majority of children in modern adoption are from backgrounds of neglect and abuse. My feeling is at some point all mothers who have lost their children for whatever reason admit to themselves they love them and want to let the children know that in a genuine way. However, those children also need to be able to have a new family life without disruption. My belief and experience is that contact and the prospect of contact are the most disruptive things in adoption today. I think it is expected of adopters and used as a method of placating the birth family. My feeling is that it gives a greater benefit to a SW struggling with a birth family’s loss than to a significant proportion of adopted children who, like my children, live in fear of their birth family knowing anything about them.

I think those are very good points FP and my children - while younger than yours at placement though still at risk - never got anything from contact - not even useful information really except on one occasion when BM mentioned having SALT difficulties as a child - we also had BD give a sample for genetic testing though that could have happened anyway as it was after letterbox stopped. It’s of dubious benefit to the birth parents too as each year they are reminded of their loss (which they are responsible for) and encouraged to feel the need for a connection which maybe they need to move on from and accept the loss. Maybe counselling would be more beneficial for BF in some cases. However I do know that many families have different experiences of contact and have found it beneficial which just goes to show there should be no blanket policy. Also ours continued up to 18 because each year both sides were encouraged to send something in - for many years at the end we just sent basic info and no photos and BD just sent birthday cards which weren’t looked at. A meaningful later life type letter may have meant more - perhaps SWs need to think of a number of options and what will work best in each case and keep some flexibility so things can change as necessary

...and then this popped up on AUK Facebook. https://bit.ly/2HYtAEm As if to make the point.