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where oh where have the children gone

samson66 August 12, 2010 19:12
my first post, so here goes...is it me or do you find that you were misled as to the availabilty of mixed race siblings. we were told that there are so much available and we will be in so much demand......its not that we have been waiting long, but rather the misconception that ther are so many children out there...i did have to explain to our sw that we wanted mixed race as my wife is white , they kept sending full black children as if colour wont matter to us....also why do all social workers only work part time lol...
Edited 17/02/2021
maggiemeik August 12, 2010 20:11
it's very frustrating isnt it? make sure you're on the national register and the local consortium which widens your search. - there are lots of children out there - so keep going. we sent flyers (well our sw did) to areas which could have children with our ethnic mix.
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mommycat August 15, 2010 19:09
I have found there are definately more single boys than sibling groups but we have recieved loads of profiles of prospective matchesDuring a visit however we definately got the impression that the sw felt that white women couldnt bring up a black child and that we didnt live in a "black" enough area! The child we were interested in was exactly the same mix as us!
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gimli August 20, 2010 18:19
you perhaps need to be looking in areas of higher racial mix.ie birmingham /london to name two.we never had any of this problems and we are a white mam and black dad.although to us children that were lighter or darker than us dident matter to be honest.there is a site called london kids i think you sw might know it.good luck
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Midge August 21, 2010 00:47
Curvycat I have always had a feeling that SW's prefer mixed couples where the mum is black or mixed and the dad white rather than the other way around. I have a personal theory that the SW's recognise that often the majority of someone's 'heritage' comes via mum, so there is a preference for black/mixed mums over white ones.I have no scientific basis to back this up other than the fact that mixed race adopters where the mum is black seem to be matched exceptionally quickly.Interesting.Midge
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mommycat August 21, 2010 11:57
Midge I agree with this theory as one of my black friends the other day told me that all mixed race children were messed up as they were brought up by white women who had no idea how it is to be black or promote heritage she said that only when a mixed race child is brought up by a black woman would they have a chance! I am not saying all black women think this way but there are definately some!
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samson66 August 22, 2010 06:59
gimli sorry i think you miss understood... we want MIXED race children to reflect OUR FAMILY make up. a single race child will always be seen as one of our children not both. as the world is not colour blind i do not wish the speculation of where my full black child came from whist under my whit wifes care. further morewe are building a family not a benaton mix like brangalina..sorry but understanding that the world is not colour blind is an important step in understanding the issues that the children will face...i know i may cause offence but people still have some racist attitudes and as your children grow you will no doubt realise this ...
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mommycat August 22, 2010 11:34
316carolyn are you with a va or a la and if you are with a la how long have you been approvedwe went with a VA and I have approached sw's through cww, bmp, london kids "thanks gimli" I also wrote a profile and sent it to family finders who worked in more mixed areas such as london/leedswe have had lots of responses and although some have not met our ethnic match "I am white and hubby is black" there were a few possibilitys.I do understand that you want your child to be a close match to how your child would of looked if it had been concieved as we feel the same We have noticed that with a lot of the profiles we have looked at the children have been blond and blue or green eyed when I have dark hair/eyes and complection and hubby is dark skinned and so it would be unlikely that our children would have looked like thatWe have a natural preference towared the darker skinned photos and I am sure that is because that is how we would of imagined our child to look
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jmk September 3, 2010 22:42
Interesting that SS are sending you details of fully black children - We had this too, albeit 8 years ago, when we were approved to adopt, despite saying we wanted mixed race children. I'm white DH is black.So it's ok for a mixed couple to have a fully black child placed with them, but not for a white couple to have a light skinned, possibly blonde, mixed child placed with them!!!Also I have many mixed couple friends who have birth children and in each case the children are all different shades.One friend (black Dad, white Mum) have 3 kids. Eldest is quite dark skinned, middly is medium, and littly is very light skinned all with the same Mum and Dad. It just depends on who gets the stronger white/black gene.Naturally most couples want to adopt a child who will look as if they belong to them.Ironically for us, our youngest adopted DD looks very similar to DH and our deceased BS looked nothing like either of us, so you can never tell,but we think all our children are beautiful anyway.
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gimli September 14, 2010 14:05
lol im not offended just laughingi have six children some adopted some notwe are a white mam and mixed race dark skinned dad(hubby looks black not mixed)our 23 yr old eldest is dark skinned and black hairedour 21 yr old is very light and brown hair(these two are our full sisters and look nothing alike in colour)our 18 r old lad is dark and dark haired(17 and 18 yr old are full sibs)our 17yr old is medium dark with brown hair and blue eyesmy 9yr old is very dark with dark eyes and hair(apears full black)and my 4yr old is very light with light eyes and hair.all are mixed race and all match us in the fact they are mixed race lol.your right the world is still racist but as parents its our responsibility to make them see through the racism and become confident in their own colour and heritage of both sides.a black child could be explained as taking its colour from you or a light child from mum so to speak.all i mean is see the child not just the colour to blend.as for brad and angelina i would find it insulting for my family to be thought of as such.i wish you luck in finding your children and im sure it wont be to long.but always remeber that two black parents can make a white child just as two white a black child rare but it does happen.i live in the inner city of a very large city and we have every colour and nationality close by perhaps im lucky.
Edited 17/02/2021

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