Hi, I've had a little bit of advice on here before when I was last in a difficult situation a while ago and that advice etc did help, so I thought I would ask again as I'm now in a completely different difficult situation and I think I've already tried everything for advice or help and I feel desperate now to be honest as I've already tried everything for help, sorry. I don't know if anyone on here will have any advice or help about this situation but I've tried everything to get help/advice and don't know where else to get help or advice from now but I'm hoping someone on here will have some advice or help because I'm really desperate now and I can't go on like this but I do understand if no one knows what to advise or anything. I'm 19, I was adopted when I was a child, I still live with my adoptive parents, I have high functioning ASD (autism) and ADHD. My adoptive parents won't speak to me about what's going on and won't try and help/give advice, I think they want to help/give advice but don't know how to help or what advice to give. At the start of November I was arrested for multiple alleged assaults (physical assaults) that I didn't do, it's a long story but someone basically set me up and it also kind of links to my birth family as well but it's hard to explain fully without going into too much detail. I wasn't charged but was bailed and told to return to the police station in January. The police seized my phone so I have a cheap pay as you go phone at the moment but I don't have any of my friends numbers in this phone and can't remember my social media passwords to sign in again and the duty solicitor told me at the police station not to reset the passwords because it could cause issues with the police if they try to look at my social media on the phone that they have. I've been suicidal since I was arrested, the only thing I can think about every moment of every day is suicide and hurting myself and I'm crying out for help but it seems impossible to get help anywhere and no one (including my adoptive parents) are listening to me or will talk to me about the entire situation. I tried speaking to a family friend (she is a friend of my adoptive parents) just over a week ago but she just said that she wasn't the person to help and that was it, she didn't say anything else really. I didn't have any other way to contact her and it took me weeks to be a brave enough to knock on her door so I'm still upset to be honest from the fact that she wouldn't help or even just listen to why I'm not ok and why I'm struggling. My adoptive parents won't sit down and talk about the police situation so I can't explain to them how I feel either, I think they are struggling and don't know how to help but they keep refusing to sit down and talk calmy without shouting (they shout pretty much everyday at the moment). When the police seized my phone I asked them if they could get me one of my friends numbers off the phone for me which they did. I only asked for 1 number, it was for the friend that I always confide in when I'm thinking about running away or hurting myself or committing suicide. I spoke to her the day after I was arrested and then she has been ignoring me since and then yesterday she told me it's because the police have told her not to contact me or speak to me anymore so that means we can't speak anymore now. I feel completely isolated and that is part of what is upsetting me so much. I can't contact any of my other friends as all their numbers are on my old phone and I don't remember their numbers either and also I can't access my social media to speak to my friends either. I just wish my adoptive parents would talk properly about everything so I could explain how I feel about everything and how suicide is on my mind and how it is all I can think about. I don't know why the police have told my friend not to talk to me because she is not involved in the investigation or anything as far as I know. I'm also worried about the lawyer as she told me to say no comment in the police station so I couldn't even explain how I had been set up. I guess the entire situation is overwhelming me and I just want my adoptive parents to listen to how I feel but they just don't seem to want to, they won't just sit down and talk about everything but then I don't have anyone to talk to about so I need them to talk about it really. I don't know why the police have told that friend not to speak to me as I had explained to them that she is the friend who has helped me in the past when I have wanted to hurt myself or worse, I use to feel like hurting myself a lot and then I manage to stop feeling like this but now this police issue has made me feel like this all over again.
My birth family also keep trying to contact me so that also worries me as well, this was happening before the police issue as well, they have been trying to contact me for months now.
I'm at the point where I don't think I can go on like this anymore, all I can think about everyday is hurting myself or running away or committing suicide. I'm at the point where I don't think I would be able to stop myself from doing something. I want to tell my adoptive parents that I feel like this but they won't just sit down and talk properly about the situation so it's impossible to tell them I feel like this. I know they are struggling too but I just really need their help or just need them to at least listen. I feel like I'm crying out for help and no one will listen and I feel like no one cares anymore to be honest. I've tried everything to get help and I've tried to speak to the people I can speak to but no one will talk either about everything. I feel like I'm at the point where I won't be able to stop myself from doing something to myself and I hate feeling like this.
I'm so sorry for how long this post is, sorry if it comes across like a rant, I'm so sorry. I just wanted to try and explain everything as best as I can.
I don't know if anyone will have any advice or help but any advice or help is really appreciated, thank you so much in advance. Even if it's just advice on how to speak to my adoptive parents about everything and how I feel, that would still massively help. I love my adoptive parents so much and I just want them to talk and listen to me about everything, I feel like all we have done for the past few weeks is argue and I hate it being like this.
Thank you so much in advance and sorry again for how long this post is. Any help or advice is honestly really appreciated even if it is just advice on how to speak to my adoptive parents. Hopefully this post all makes sense, I know it maybe comes across like a rant but I didn't mean it to come across like that, I was just trying to explain everything as best as I can. Thank you so much again in advance, I really appreciate it. I feel like I have tried everything for help and now I'm desperate and don't know what to do.
Sorry for how long this post is and I understand if no one has any advice or help on this situation. I just thought I would ask for advice as last time I was in a different difficult situation a while ago the advice on here was very helpful.
Thank you so much in advance for any advice or help and I understand if no one knows what to advise, sorry.
