Edited 17/02/2021
Planning for when you are no longer here.
lilyofthevalley
December 9, 2016 18:59
I have recently revised my will and I have been thinking a lot about this subject. I thought I would start a discussion. Do you have a will? Many adults in the UK do not have one. I think we are reluctant to think about our own deaths. We think there is plenty of time. We vaguely plan to do it later, when we are older. We lead busy lives, have more urgent priorities. But we cannot foresee the future. We could be the victim of some awful accident, develop some debilitating illness or disease, or even die. So the question is 'What happens if you die without a will?' http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/6438627/What-happens-if-you-die-without-a-will.html The article explains about the rules of intestacy, (what happens if you die without a will), and warns about the perils of do-it yourself wills. You need to decide who will be your Executor (carry out your wishes). Where will you leave your will? I heard recently about a case where the will was destroyed in a house fire. The main copy of the will can be held at the lawyer's office. Similarly the deeds of the house and funeral plan can be held there too. Have you thought about a funeral plan? You should also consider whether to give someone Power of Attorney over you if you should become incapacitated. There can be huge problems if there has been no determination about this previously, for instance if someone starts to suffer from dementia. In my case I have given joint Power of Attorney to my younger brother and sister and DD. I have set up a Trust for when I die. My only real asset is my house. I do not want DD and DS to inherit large amounts of money. They would not be able to deal wisely with it; DD has a propensity for addictions (I knew an alcoholic who drank himself to death within a few months after inheriting a large sum of money from his mother on her death); I do not trust my daughter in law who has a personality disorder and comes from a criminally inclined family; it would adversely affect any benefits they are on and they could be charged with fraud if they fail to declare it. Basically my house would be rented out and they would each be given a payment of £500 twice a year. This would help with necessary household purchases, pay for a holiday etc. It would be a large sum of money to them. Of course all my careful planning could come to nought if I end up needing expensive nursing or residential care and the house has to be sold to pay for it. So I am hoping for a quick and sudden death! Lily
Bop
December 9, 2016 19:25
We have been thinking a lot about this recently and trying to decide what to do, especially since we are estranged from our girls and there are addictions issues. I worked as a drugs counsellor and like you came across cases where an inheritance became a death sentence. Our current will leaves it in trust for them until they are 21, but that feels very young now as DD1 approaches 17 and has a plethora of issues. Scots Law had the added complication that you cannot disinherit a child - so if we wanted to say give a substantial amount to charity and leave the rest to the kids, they can challenge that and get it anyway. Not sure what we will decide to do - at the moment we know we need to do something but seem to be stick in terms of what that something is!
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Midge
December 9, 2016 19:25
We've had wills since our eldest child was 3, I was 25 & DH 33. We made them after my dad literally went to the local shops and never came home (RTA - unsurvivable head injury). Prior to that my parents or sister would have looked after our son. Now as we have grown up BS (27, 23 & 19) the older two are named as our 11 y o AS guardians and also controllers of access to money for the other two until 25. I'm wary of trusts because admin fees can be horrific, so we're lucky having BS who can do the job. Our house would be sold - I was left tenanted houses 20 years ago, they've been the bain of my life in terms of maintenance, urgent repairs, and problems with tenants. I got rid of them as soon as I could.
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Larsti
December 10, 2016 07:20
Like Midge and her DH we made wills very early on. We too have older birth children (similar family shape to Midge's) but haven't altered our wills yet. Currently we still have ouur closest friends named as guardians. We had wills drawn up by a solicitor and revised them just before we adopted. MIL had been named as guardian but she passed away. We have said in our wills that we want to be buried but we haven't got funeral plans. It has been on the mental to do list to choose our plots! We want woodland burials. My FIL had a woodland burial and we really liked that......wicker coffin an all :-) Only yesterday my DD who is a pharmacist said we must have a conversation about our wishes in later life. She is very interested in end of life issues and did some work in an elderly care home. My husband had power of attorney for his aunt and his mother so we are aware of that but haven't done anything about that as yet. So...thanks Lily for the reminder! Also plan to get in touch with adoption specialist about setting up a trust for youngest. The other thing I have been meanng to do is make a folder of info for if my DH predeceases me. He has his own company with a few part-time employees. Currently all I would do is contact his accountant who is also a good friend and say 'HELP!!' But I think a few things need to put in place. I once heard someone speak about being widowed and she said to everyone.....learn how to do all the things your spouse does. She had never paid a bill in her life. Not a clue! With us its online banking. My DH does all that and I don't know passwords etc, even although its a joint account. I don't think its morbid to plan for death. I just think its sensible ;-) Programme currently on Radio 4 Joan Bakewell 'We need to talk about death' http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b084ys5v Thanks Lily!
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strathbeg
December 10, 2016 10:41
Hi Lily, My husband and I made our will just over a year ago as Dd1 was approaching 18 and living with awful boyfriend and spending all money on alcohol and drugs. We realised that if me, husband, dd2 and dd3 were killed in a car crash she would inherit everything when she turned 18. Our house, our life insurance, money from our jobs etc. It was a frightening thought and I was more concerned about our parents having to watch her waste it all as I thought it would kill them. Our will basically puts everything into trust. We were told we had to trust out trustees and all of them have to agree with what money they give out. We have 4 trustees who are our own brothers and sisters and a niece. We were told to leave a letter to the trustees at the solicitors for what we would want the money given out for eg money to rent or buy a flat depending on how responsible the trustees think they are. The trustees could also choose not to directly give anything to dd1 but the money could then be used by her children and grandchildren from the same trust. This means that dd1 is part of our will so legally it keeps everyone happy and she can't challenge that as in theory her or her children/ grandchildren would get everything. We can rewrite the letter to the trustees whenever we want and put it at the solicitors. I wasn't planning on doing a will and it seemed to cost us quite a bit but every time I drive past the solicitors office I have a feeling of peace that I have put things in place to save those left behind a lot of pain. The only one in pain would be dd1 as she would be stamping her feet to get her hands on the money shouting at everyone "it's mine", but I know the trustees will have none of it. Strathbeg x
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Johanna
December 10, 2016 17:51
We have made and revised wills through the years. Our BD would have stepped up of needed in earlier years. Currently money will not be left to the girls as it affects benefit money.If they take up jobs then our wills alter to reflect this. We do help out financially with the next generation. We also have an Education pot for the girls as we believe in ongoing education. Johanna
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Curly100
December 10, 2016 18:28
It seems so sensible to think about wills and we are in the process of revising ours. I feel terrible but I just don't want them to give our money to their birth family or the hundreds of birth family they have ( one child is one of seventeen the other one of twelve ... that we know of!) we will be putting it in trust!
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Milly
December 11, 2016 09:52
Good advice Lily. We wrote wills when we had our first dd but suspect we might need to revise them or at least check them now dd1 is 16. I don't have any specific worries at this stage but it will depend on how things evolve in the next few years.
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lilyofthevalley
October 18, 2017 18:55
Am bumping this up. Lily
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lilyofthevalley
August 13, 2018 17:37
Am bumping this up.
Edited 17/02/2021
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