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Hi,Congratulations on being headed to matching panel for your LO.If fcs are hostile, that sounds very difficult. It might be worth posting on the adopters board as I have seen some posts along these lines before.I am afraid I can't advise as I didn't have this experience but hope some people who did will come along and post soon.Keep in very good contact with your SW during intros. Hopefully your SW will be phoning you / texting you every day. And, if the fcs do prove hostile talk to your SW. I would think about mentioning it NOW if you can. So SW can offer you additional support if needed. It is their job to help support you during intros and they can also can liaise with the LO's SW about what is happening (if needed). Plus they might be able to adjust intros plan to help with situation. When you start intros, focus on LO as much as you can. Remember intros are time limited. Do you have a plan for intros yet??? If not definitely talk to your SW so things can be set up to help (just in case they do prove hostile). Whenever there is an opportunity to get out and about with LO take it. Maybe try (if poss!!!) to see the hostility as the fcs being upset about LO leaving (I am assuming this is where the hostility is coming from. Sorry if I have got this wrong) and that they cannot express this in any other way.The thing is fcs should be directing their anger at SSs for their decision NOT at you. At the end of the day, it is the LO that should be at the centre of all this. The other thing is it is possible that once they accept this IS going to happen they will be less hostile. Perhaps because you have not been to matching panel, they cannot yet get past their emotions in the sense everything is not signed and sealed so to speak. Sometimes when something is definite it is easier for people to accept it.I hope that things work out better than you seem to be anticipating. And I really hope some other adopters come along with some advice/suggestions.Very best wishes for matching panel.Minnie x

Also, perhaps if they realise you are happy for them to be part of LOs life in the future, this will go some way to helping them be more open to you. Also, do you know if they have moved a child onto adoption before? If not, then that might be complicating things. One of the couple had done it with my fcs and one had not. The one who had not was fantastic but I think found it hard especially hand over day.

Thank you Minnie7 that is very helpful. I think the FC were hostile as they don't want to let her go. I am trying to see this as a positive as they have obviously loved her and cared for her very well which is a wonderful thing. I will keep in regular contact with my SW and will talk to her about the plan for introductions. I think it will be key to get the introductions planned so that they will work well for me. I am feeling rather nervous about being on my own in a strange city and going to someone's home so thank you so much for your reply.

Hi.Have you read the post 'Introductions and Beyond?' (at the top of the Prospective Adopters board) Doesn't necessarily answer you question, but might be helpful to you

Yes I did read it thank you. It is helpful. I really wondered if any single adopters had a similar experience and could share how they managed. I was really excited but am now dreading the introductions which makes me feel really sad and I would love some tips on how to make this better.

Hi thereI'm single and didnt have the best intros, though far from the worst. The first time I was in the same room as FC she completely ignored me and had a raging argument with the SWs about the intro plan. The second time she managed to acknowledge my presence in the room and then slighty defrosted over the course of the next few meetings. On the second day she complained to SW that I wasnt asking her any questions - i did point out I was there for three hours, of which she spent an hour of that on the phone and another hour dealing with a customer(she breeds dogs and someone had come to collect a puppy). Simba had been with them for nearly 4 years, it was very hard for her to let go, she cried several times. On the fourth day I made a concerted effort to speak to her and by the end of the 8 days we were OK but not exactly best buddies.Because she was such a significant part of Simab's life, and she was wonderful with him, I would have liked to maintain contact with her but she hasnt been very forthcoming, we have seen her once, Simba has sent birthday cards, which havent been acknowledged, though he has received cards from her. I'm not hopeful about that, its sad but I cant force them.Remember that in the grand scheme of things intros are very short, they are difficult for everyone. Dont worry about future contact, grit your teeth and just get through it. If they are difficult let your SW know straight away so she can talk to theirs. Are you staying locally throughout intros? I went home every night - it was a slog but better than being stuck in a hotel on my own for long chunks of time. If not can you get a friend or relative to come and spend an evening with you so you arent on your own. Make sure you have people lined up to speak to, not just SW.If you are staying in a city maybe you could find a spa you could go to. I went straight to my gym on several days and just sat in the sauna and jacuzziSounds like it will be tough, focus on your LO and try and let other stuff go over your head. It will soon be over and you will have LO homeGood luck

Hi there,I have just finish my introduction last weekas a single adopter. My LO went to her foster carers straight from the hospital at birth and she is now approx 18 months. I was warned that the foster carers might be hostile. This also made me very nervous and unhappy but I reassured myself by say they Loved her and had grown very attached to her. Which is a good thing to some point. At first they kept on trying to find fault with me but I ignored it and focus on my LO. I used my social worker and the family finding social worker is a great sort of support.(Calling me, texting at any time I needed it) I general reminded them that my LO was the main focus and needed to see us work together so that she gets permission to move on. All reminded them that any future contact would depend on how my LO settle in particularly during the introduction period. (Sorry but this gave them something ti think about)Also I found because the main of foster carer made me for very welcome in her house whilst the 2nd foster care made me feel very uncomfortable I just tried to keep out of her way and focus on my LO (Saying to myself it's only for 10 days and then she would be home with me for good) but my main advise to you would be use your social workers as a form of support. I have a wonderful social work and social work team which helped. It also helped me to know if things became unbearable that my social worker and the social work team was willing to end the introduction and move my LO in with me straight away. (which I did not want) but things was not to bad in the end. I struggled to get her belongs but they gave me them in the end. My LO has been with me nw for 7 days and is settling in well, apart from bed time. But we are both loving it and it is was worth all the heart ache and unpleasant feelings with the foster carers when i see her sleeping in her cot or when she give me a kiss and a cuddly. Good luck and I hope this helped

Thank you Serrakunda and Lexus. It really helps to hear from people who have got through this and come out the other side! I'm afraid I will be too far away to go home but I will think about the accommodation carefully, I don't much like staying in hotels as a sngle woman. They have suggested a premier inn which is fine for a few days but for 10 days I think I would much prefer an apartment rather than feeling trapped in a hotel room, maybe an apartment with a gym and pool is required Lexus congrats on your LO, it is lovely to hear things have gone well for you and it helps to imagine a time when I will have my LO at home. I will try very hard to focus on the long term and use my SW as much as possible.

10 days far too long in a premier inn on your own, the first few days you will have a lot of time on your hands as your initial visits will be short. Definitely an apartment - argue tha you will also need somewhere to take LO if the weather is rubbish. If its 10 days you should have a rest day in there so it might be worth considering going home then. Simba has been home 15 months, intros seem like a lifetime ago

Thank you that is brilliant advice about the accommodation, I will definitely try for an apartment. I think that is a great argument for having one rather than the premier inn! So lovely that you have had Simba for 15 months! Thank you so much for your help

Albery girl, I did intros far from home, as a singly, and booked a cottage about 20-25 mins away from fc's who were near a city. it was lovely. Almost the best part of intros really, coming home at the end of the day, lighting log burner, having glass of wine, and my parents joined me in spare room for last 2 nights. My intros were a bit grim tbh, but my lovely cottage holds very fond memories for me. I'm sure you can be creative with the accomodation, best wishes for it...

We had a very similar situation with very hostile FC. We had a family appriciation day where she turned up told me she wanted to keep my kids, would I take two and let her keep the 3rd and then proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong with my girls. I got to see 1 photo on her phone before she left and after she had ripped my house to pieces. The floor too hard etc! This was all done infront of sw.We were all really worried re intros. As it was they went suprisingly well. We had a very robust intros plan in place but did end up changing it as that was what the children needed. We did however have a secondary plan in place where we had been told to have everything ready so that if intros were needed to be shortened they would be on day two! As it was we managed the week with only one whinge at us or childcare re not putting a nappy on tight enough. Was hard though when just me there and the FC , their partner and grown up child all having a go. Suprisingly easy letting it go.It may not be anywhere near as bad as expected as we were truly expecting a terrible time and wa suprisingly ok even managed a nice dinner together one evening.Good luck and remember is only for 10 days then they are all yours

Hiya,We had a rough time during intros after FC had asked to keep one our two girls.The two things that helped me were reminding myself that FC not wanting to let go is a good sign and I know someone whose FC wouldn't let them in her house during intros so I just kept thinking it could always be worse.Be really really kind to yourself, concentrate on bonding with your LO. I really wanted to stay in touch with FC but it would not have been in the interests of our LO's.

My intros were pretty dreadful due to the fc's behaviour towards me. I won't go into details but it was an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. Due to fc's behaviour after placement it was decided by SS that our contact is only by letter box now which is a shame as I had hoped for much more. Anyway what helped me during the week was firstly my sister came and stayed with me for some of the intros. I cannot tell you how nice to was to go back to the accomodation and see a friendly face. My SW rang every evening to see how the day had gone and was available 24/7 as was the FC's support worker. The rest day was invaluable and I actually drove home just to escape from all the negativity for a day and spent an evening with supportive friends. Happily intros are short in the scheme of things so you may have to grit your teeth and survive them. Hopefully it won't be as bad as you fear.I do believe that the intros had an impact on how the girls settled with me intially but now they are a dim and distant memory. And we are very happy together. So if we can do it, I'm sure you can

Can totally sympathize! I can't honestly say my FCs were hostile, that would be too far, but they certainly didn't make me feel welcome. They didn't provide meals when they were supposed to, didn't really speak to me and from day one I was left completely alone with LO with no guidance or support I also had a similar experience to Serrakunda in that FC spent ages on the phone, including while I was waiting to pick up/ drop off etc and I was just left standing there. LO had been with them a long time so I wanted to maintain contact but don't really see this happening. I am only ten weeks into placement but intros already seem a lifetime ago, they were the be all and end all at the time but quickly fade into insignificance.In terms of accommodation, definitely an apartment! I was away for 8 days and SS booked a holiday flat for me. I also had mum with me for five of the days, which really made a huge difference - if nothing else, she cooked so I came home to a nice comfort food mummy meal every night!!!

i had a similar experience with my second lo fc's. me and AS had to travel and stay over 300 miles away from home and FC;s did nothing but criticise the two of us, kept telling us and SW how unsuitable a match we were. it was the most horrendous time of our lives but i just kept focussing on AD and thinking we would soon be home together. halfway through the ten days it should have lasted I ended up phoning SW and telling them i was cutting short the intros and going home and they could either let my AD come with me or bring her later. it was having a real detrimental effect on my son. they let us all go home together!

Hi AlberyGirl,Congrats about your match how exciting. So sorry that FC were hostile. I am a single adopter also and have had my little one for 15 months now and it has been the best 15 months of my entire life. I never thought I could love someone so much!! So get ready for the most amazing change in your life.However my introductions were outrageous!!! The FC's had helped 3 other children go for adoption so had no excuse for not knowing how important positive body language, language and actions were. One FC was a little better than the other but both were very negative. Whenever we went out then came back they all ( birth child and an adopted child of their own) made a huge fuss of LO. It was like I had taken LO away and they were so happy to have LO back. She said on the first day that they didn't want to confuse LO so could they call me Mummy then my name. As LO called her Mummy!!!!! I obviously told her NO and that I was going to be Mummy. I made sure that I referred to her in her christian name. He continued throughout introductions to refer to himself as Daddy!!! WHich I am sure if I had had a partner he wouldn't have been so down right rude!!! I ended up feeling like a glorified babysitter. I did say that to them one day after a particular horrendous time the day before. He knew that he was being a jerk but said he couldn't help it??? My advice is keep in contact with your SW and the family matching officer they will help you. Also if you can get the apartment try. As I did have to spend quite a lot of time in a premier Inn by myself 100's of miles away from home. I cried most evenings but did have a photo of LO with me and that kept me going. Also family and friends were brilliant. Luckily for me LO and I had a brilliant connection straight away so all of our time together was amazing and I focused a lot on this each night. I wrote a diary of each day and this also helped.My 2 weeks of intro's was way too long for a 2 year old and for the way both FC's behaved. Once out of the situation and safe and secure with my LO I can clearly see how so many of the things they said and did were so wrong and that they should have been told off. I ended up having phone calls from the FC, letters, christmas cards and gifts and many many inappropriate texts. The last review the LA decided that a final meeting with LO would be detrimental to my LO and to the FC's. I know that this may not help you? But I really wanted to share with you my story as it seems similar to what you may have ahead. To be honest I feel it's better to be forewarned. I wish you lots of luck and hope that yours go better than mine. Just keep in your head that you will have your LO home with you very soon. Now that is when the true bonding and love beginsPlease feel free to message me if you want any other help. Take care and good luck xxxxx