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Starting school - questions about family

Siliwen48 August 19, 2020 00:05

My AD is starting reception this September and the class is going to be talking about families in the first few weeks. Any advice about how I can help prepare my daughter for talking about her family and handle any difficult questions? Specifically why she doesn’t have a daddy and whether to talk about being adopted. We have done some life story work over the last year so she knows she has a birth daddy and mummy. Any advice very gratefully received!

Edited 17/02/2021
windfalls August 19, 2020 10:34

Hi Siliwen,

I would speak to the school/class teacher and ask them how they will be approaching the subject. Hopefully they will be approaching it from the viewpoint that families come in all shapes and sizes and that is ok and to be celebrated. The children shouldn't be expected to say why they don't have eg a "daddy" - that I would think would be very insensitive and I would complain about it. re: adoption, speak to your daughter and see what she wants to do - she doesn't have to tell anyone that she is adopted if she doesn't want too. If she does then just keep it simple - eg " I have a birth mum and dad who couldn't look after me and so a new mummy was found for me who I love very much". Children at that age are very accepting and will take it all with a pinch of salt - but they may repeat it to their parents and that is where you may get problems with nosy parker mums expecting you to give all the details and so you will need to have some stock replies ready in order to deal with this.

best wishes xx

Edited 17/02/2021
Serrakunda27 August 19, 2020 14:49

I'd be very surprised if she was the only child from a single parent family, and at that age I really wouldnt mention that she is adopted.

Whilst I agree children are quite accepting, its the parents you need to be careful with.

The reception age children next door to me where quite confused and did have questions when my son moved in, and another child we knew was a bit alarmed at the idea mummy and daddy couldnt look after you.

All she needs to say is that she lives with her mum. Its useful to think of it as its private, not a secret

Edited 17/02/2021
Mama Bear August 27, 2020 10:34

Hi

I would be tempted to speak to the teacher in advance. Not because the adoption needs to be specifically addressed in the family topic but in case your LO ever mentions it ( not just in the family topic) and the teacher needs to support/help manage any questions from other children. My two have mentioned it in casual conversation at school and it’s been useful that their teachers have been onboard with how we wanted to handle it.

Serrakunda is right, we’ve always gone with ‘private not secret’, we’re reasonably open about it because both kids are but we don’t make a big deal of it.

Don’t stress about it, there are so many different family make ups in my children’s classes they don’t feel especially different x

Edited 17/02/2021
Siliwen48 September 1, 2020 23:44

Thanks so much everyone, really helpful x

Edited 17/02/2021

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