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Any ideas on how I aquire that some thing special!!??

LW August 19, 2009 10:06
Hi there,have been told by a couple of agencies that as a single you have to have something special to offer a child (to compensate for not being part of a couple). Anyone got any ideas?? can successful adopters share information on their special talents/etc with me? I am determined to do what it takes to be accepted - but need to know what that is.Any advice gratefully received.best wishes LW
Edited 17/02/2021
Jillycats August 19, 2009 11:27
For me the 'something special' was my experience of children with special needs. Maybe you could volunteer with a group that has children with special needs - if that interests you?I would guess that agencies are looking for anything that helps you to better understand the needs of an adopted child.Jilly
Edited 17/02/2021
raspberrysmoothie August 19, 2009 12:55
HiyaI am with an agency and they didn't say that to me, sure they said it was harder and would take longer but they look at your life experience and other stuff such as working with children or experience of caring for children with or without specific needs.Think about your life experience, education and jobs etc. have you cared for your friends children or supported them with their children? It may be something as simple as having moved schools lots of times or homes or experience of loss/grief,being bullied. I was a counsellor and i have worked in schools/still work with teenagers plus have lots of personal life experience that I can empathise with children with.If you don't have stuff like that you can still make yourself 'special' as they put it by doing voluntary work with children of different abilities, think about applying to be a school governor. Ask your agency what they actually mean by 'special' too.Personally I think being a single person, with all that life experience brings and also considering adoption shows that you have an incredible amount to offer as you can give all of your attention to a prospective child.Sorry that doesn't make sense, what i am trying to say is that being single and having to deal with stuff on your own through life is not always easy and i think that makes us quite 'special' as they put it.good luck Raspberrysmoothie x
Edited 17/02/2021
kangas August 19, 2009 13:19
I wouldn't just look at it as something you acquire - think about what makes you different from other people. Do you have hobbies? Do you maybe speak a language? Do you have friends with certain skills, or from a different culture? Do you live near a good school or other facilities?Anything positive about your house or garden? Pets? Are there potential disabilities or problems that don't worry you but would put other people off?For example, we live very close to a hospital which meant we would be better placed to take care of a child with lots of medical appointments than people who live more rural and needed to travel 2 hours.I expect that if you think about your strengths you may come up with quite a list of things that you maybe consider normal but that may not be something that everybody else could offer. For me the prep course was good in that respect: seeing the other couples (who potentially were the competition) showed me in what ways we were different.
Edited 17/02/2021
flower_star August 19, 2009 17:34
I am a single adopter of a girl aged 5 at placement. My entire process from initial phonecall to placement of my daughter was 20 months, and I must adnit that my LA never found that me being single was ever a problem, however, I do have lots of childcare experience. I was not pushed into having an older child, infact I was prompted to have a younger one, it's just that the CPR of my daughter 'felt' right, I cant explain it but that gut instinct is what I went on and although it's hard work, I have never looked back. Please feel free to pm me if you would like anymore information. Good Luck with everything x
Edited 17/02/2021
bovary August 19, 2009 19:52
I agree, we all have something special to offer, single or not - it could be your cultural background, your interests, your job.... It IS ALWAYS important to have a really good support network, and to be able to show how you would offer a child a role model from the opposite sex (in my case from my extended family and friends).I have been linked to a child and am waiting for matching panel. There are so many little things that make this seem like the right match- the cultural background of people in my extended family, an enjoyment of the outdoors, me being from the same area as the FCs and having the same accent, our church-going.... Nothing as 'special' as plate-spinning or being able to speak an obscure language! And in my case, the agency were definitely looking for a single person for this little one.My advice would be to have a look at your life, and embrace all the bits of it that make you you. You don't need to change, just consolidate.Good luck!
Edited 17/02/2021

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