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Oh run mum i am so sorry to hear this it must be v hard for you to deal with. I dont have any real advice but just wanted to send my best wishes . X

Thanks Wizzy, the letter he sent was probably the most emotionally honest he has been with me in years, he is usually such a closed book or just angry, I think that is what has got to me the most. He does have some literacy problems so reading the letter reminded me of the struggles he has faced.

There are wing officers a chaplaincy and pastoral care as I understand. There are different categories of prison depending on the crime. I have had experience of telephone calls to prison officers and chaplain but that is some years ago with our former foster child. The probation service can be helpful too but I am not sure how much cutbacks have affected them. Understand what you are going through It is ok to cry ... I must have filled a lake over the last 35years. I do believe that there are always new opportunities and in the end self care pays off because you are stronger when the dramas erupt. So sorry this has happened Btw if there are pre sentencing reports it is always worth submitting your own to the solicitor. Johanna x

I'm really sorry to read your news. Here's a link to a useful website, the information seems to be quite accurate, they also have a section on gifts to prisoners - it is important to check with the prison as they can set their own rules and things are different for people on remand and those who have been convicted. Take care of yourself https://www.offendersfamilieshelpline.org/index.php/visits/

I am so sorry to hear this runmum. I don't have any experience but I have been getting enewletters from this charity for a while https://www.shannontrust.org.uk/ Also I know that Timpsons employ ex offenders, so thats maybe useful info when he gets out again. Found this.. https://www.timpson-group.co.uk/timpson-foundation/prison-training-academies/ (((((((runmum)))))))

Thanks for all your supportive comments and suggestions. So frustrated because before he ended up homeless he had a full time decent job and was just about to complete all his court ordered service, he went out the night before his final court appearance and made a whole heap of wrong decisions. We shall see where he goes from here.

Hello run_mum So sorry to hear the latest news. Please contact The Potato Group (Parents of Traumatised Adopted Teens). I’m certain that you will get support there: https://thepotatogroup.org.uk Email: ---- EMAIL REDACTED ---- There are other adoptive parents in the Group in your situation. Lily xx

I’m so sorry to read this, run_mum. I agree with Lily; the Potato Group will be a very good place to get support.

Hi runmum Just very very sorry to hear your son is in such trouble. Blossom was going to get custodial last time in court but got tagged instead. So its not a completely set thing, but I fully expect she will go to prison at some point I find it hardest when my ac seem to have been ok even improving slightly and then the reality of awfulness hits you harder Sending our support

So sorry to hear your son is in this situation and the distress and worry you must be experiencing. If you can make a submission to the court in his favour whether via presentencing or directly via a solicitor it may help in getting the right support for him within the community rather than anything more punitive. Sometimes it takes things to get to this point and work with the probation service or others. Hope you can find the support you need for yourself whatever happens. Thinking of you both. Mx

Sending you all a big hug on here, I'm sitting having a good cry reading these as I'm having a bad day too. My AD who is 19 left home last year and has sofa surfed for a year, I helped get her a flat with assisted living but she was evicted. It's been a nightmare 18 months and at the moment she is not speaking to us. She has blocked us on social media after getting aggressive and demanding money on our grandsons birthday. She refused to come in to see him despite me driving for 2 hours to collect her and hasn't spoken since. According to my sister who can see her FB she's happy and enjoying life with her new boyfriends family, this being the 5th family she has moved in with since leaving home because she can't live with us. She told everyone we threw her out and constantly craves attention on social media about one drama or another. We adopted her at 5 year old and she is the youngest as we have 3 BC. They are furious with her and told her so because of the way she has treated us all, the boys especially worry about me and the eldest has asked that she has nothing to do with his son until she grows up or changes. She has attachment disorder and has had play therapy and counselling over the years but it's always going to be an issue so I understand why she keeps moving and moving in with another family but I am finding it really hard. Her dad loves her but is more black and white than me, I miss my little girl, our shopping trips, doing each other's hairs and just general gossiping, it hurts that she doesn't care and doesn't miss those times. I look at pics and can't believe she's not around, I feel that she has just disappeared from our family completely. I know it has been hard over the years with her as a family but there were lots of happy times too. I just feel so sad and empty, it's compounded by my 26 year old step daughter who I have jointly brought up since she was 3 seems to have disappeared a little from our lives. I know she's an adult and busy but we only seem to see her at birthdays and events. She has distanced herself because she clashed massively with our AD and has told us she's not her sister. Because we would not take sides and told them both to stop she's angry with us so I feel like both of my girls have disappeared from our lives and although my eldest is my step-daughter she's always called me mum and I have done all the mum things and always knew she loved me completely. The issues with her sister have definitely affected our relationship. I apologise for the feeling sorry for myself post but just feel really sad and disappointed and really did not think that this journey would end like this, for our family we are all going to recharge our batteries in a few weeks and have a few weeks in the sun in a villa, myself, hubby, 2 sons, our grandson and my step daughter and her boyfriend. I am hoping it will give us a chance as a family to talk about the trauma of the past few years and move on together hopefully stronger together, whether our daughter chooses to be a part of our lives again in the future we will see but if she doesn't then i might need to come to terms with it Big hugs xxx

Hugs to you too Leslie, Sounds tough but also sounds like you have lots of lovely family around you to support, I do too and they have been great. It sounds like you have tried everything and are at the end of your tether. I think you need to look after yourself and your remaining family for the moment and as you say if your AD wants to be part of your life in the future then see what happens, but to protect yourself have ground rules, do it on your terms. I know my BD does get angry with my AS but then she tends to feel sorry for him. On a recent holiday she did comment that “if he hadn’t chosen the path he went down he would be here too”, I accept there is a choice to what he has done but there is also an inevitability about it too. Like your AD my AS is drawn to one chaotic family after another, one of his “friend’s” mums saw more of him than me due to the way they lived, he just loved going there, said he felt comfortable, which says a lot really. Now that he is inside I am the only person going to see him, all his “friends” seem to have disappeared. I’m pleased to say I have been to see him now and feel much better for it. He absolutely hates it in there which I am pleased about, I want him to hate it, I don’t want it to become a normal part of his life, he says he just doesn’t belong and he isn’t like the people in there which I think is also positive. For once he says he hasn’t got any friends just some people that he talks to and he wants to keep it like that – wow progress…. Perhaps? Take care and enjoy your hols, a bit of self-pity is required at times, I’m sure most of us are struck by the “how on earth did we get to this?” thought, it is tough but we have others who love us dearly and that is what we focus on. Take care