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Adoption Process Experience

May 29, 2019 10:43

Hi all, my partner and I were accepted into stage 1 in February and nothing has happened since. We are now almost in June. Our training has been arranged and cancelled twice already and then we were told "maybe July". We gave our reference contact details back in March and these still haven't been done. We were given our workbook and have been sending our SW things and not getting any feedback. When our SW cancelled our training again a couple of weeks ago, I expressed my frustrations and asked if our October panel date was unlikely now. And asked when the references were going to be done etc (to give her a nudge). All she said was "October is still fine. It's not your fault. I will get you sorted one way or another" and we've heard nothing since.

She seems incredibly laid back and the experience is really draining.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? We just keep getting told there's either no room for us in the training or that people have cancelled and now there's not enough people.

My partner hasn't finished his workbook yet because he doesn't have the incentive to rush because everything else is going so slow. Again, I've asked her when she needs his workbook back by (because it would be good for him to have a deadline to meet) and again, no answer.

I do not know what to do any more. The whole experience is really off putting and I am dreading what lies ahead.

Feeling very deflated! :-(

Edited 17/02/2021
mrstownend May 29, 2019 12:34

Hi, we found the process very draining (which I think is totally normal), it seems to take forever to get the ball rolling. I think in general SW's are laid back, I guess they have to be to do this kind of job.

We are now approved adopters, and the process took apx 8 months to complete, with many cancellations and poor training (as they condensed it due to lack of attendees).

We are now in the even more time consuming process of trying to get further information on a potential match. It is beyond frustrating, but I know they are so many people involved, we just have to wait.

Don't give up and keep strong, sending positive vibes xx

Edited 17/02/2021
Jingle bells May 30, 2019 09:10

I too am waiting & waiting & waiting!

This is something you will have to get used to , I'm afraid!

its out with your control which is the most frustrating part.

but while we are waiting...

- we are getting everything in order so doing home improvents

- Making sure the garden is safe & secure, more child friendly, easier future maintenance for when time will be more limited, fixing fencing And painting.

- The room for potential child has been freshly painted in neutral colours

- We are getting our finances in order

-continual researching and reading

- I'm also having a fabulous holiday with my partner as it will be the last one with just the two of us so going to enjoy that!

- using this time to get fitter and healthier in preparation for a little one

Turn this time into a positive, I'm sure there are things that need doing, so go get them done and suggest to your partner that xyz need doing and that includes his workbook, because when SW are ready to proceed don't give them another reason for things to be held up.

finally, I don't know if you have had your medical yet, I am possibly older than you but my husband and I have addressed any outstanding medical issues we have so that when we need to get our medical, there will be nothing that can delay this. So , for example, if your due a smear test or any other examination,, get that seen to now too! ( sorry, I am assuming you are female)

good luck

Edited 17/02/2021
Bluemetro May 30, 2019 10:39

Hi. Just wanted to agree with Mojo to use the time to do things that will be harder with a child. Including the waiting for placement we had about a 3 year wait, but looking back it was meant to be, to have the right child placed with us. It is so frustrating, but prepared us well for waits and frustrations with professionals since.

Edited 17/02/2021
GK1309 May 30, 2019 12:48


Yay on being excepted onto stage one, it is super frustrating about your training being cancelled. Do you know what this is due to? I know we had lots of paper work to fill in and many things to get back to the council but we were not assigned our SW until we got to stage two. We did also have quite a long wait between stage one and two, we had to wait for everything to be completed DBS, friends and family checks, our doc appointments with blood and urine tests also. There is A LOT to do. I wouldn't be too concerned about your panel date think of it as a guide and try not to stress yourself out, these panel dates can easily be moved and as I have been told many times your SW should NEVER take you to panel unless they (and yourselves) feel ready. In my opinion I would be asking my partner to have the work book completed, if you complete everything they ask of you, they have no reason to delay anything ( I know it is happening already but looks better on your part). It at least shows that you are both up for this long journey and willing to do what ever it takes, no matter the frustraion you both are feeling.

I do agree with mojo, do all the things that may help you in the long run, we had to complete our new heating system before we could even be excepted onto stage one. Then after our social worker visits we had to change a couple of things around the house which was fine and totally worth it knowing we were given the ok from changing these things. Also we have our childs room bare and ready to paint in a theme or colours that will suit them. Also get in lots of child minding etc we had our friends little children a lot and took them out had them stay over, plus volunteering at a toddler group every week. Keep a diary of all this as you will need to write reports up at the end of all of this and things you learnt etc, plus good idea to start reading some of the books if you have been recommend any. I am not sure if you are able to see children on here yet (it seems like some people are) we were not allowed access to link maker until we had our ratification in after being approved.

This whole process is LONG and I've felt stress and frustration in myself that I have never felt before, I have also learnt so much about myself and can see why they do things the way they do (with our council at least). We "offically started" March last year and were approved in November as our October date was put back due to someone else needing an urgent panel date. We pretty much took December off to rest and enjoy christmas, we had a child we were not matched with after showing interest and that took weeks literally weeks. But from being in the right place at the right time we were shown a little girl and are now at the stage of waiting to have our first meeting with our babies FC after the family finder and SW visited our house and agreed the match, if you think SW take a while to respond and get back to you, you wait till you meet a family finder. Took 6 weeks to get one answer a few month back. Some cases are shorter and some are longer but it takes as long as it takes and I can't wait to become a mother, just focus on each mile stone and be proud when you complete one. It doesn't say no celebrating with bubbles after every milestone and victory, like being approved at panel was a massive relief for us.

Anyway sorry to waffle I really do wish you the best and chin up. If its something you really really want, its worth the fight. xx

Edited 17/02/2021
Safia May 30, 2019 14:31

I’ve never seen a workbook as they didn’t have them when we adopted but I think it’s probably a good idea to work on it now when there’s time to really think through the answers and research anything you need to rather than having to rush because the SW suddenly asks for it. As people have said SWs have a lot on their plate and are trying to balance different demands - once you get going it’ll be a roller coaster - so do lots of reading and research now and preparation in other ways as mentioned above

Edited 17/02/2021


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