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I'm not sure that you could provide training on every possibility. Really that needs to come once you have a good idea of what you're dealing with.I've recently done the NAS Earlybird plus training course as there's a possibility that my youngest two may be on the spectrum. However, their behaviours and needs are quite different and until you know a child's quirks then it can be difficult to figure out how relevant a particular course may be and how you can apply it.I do think what would be helpful is to have a better idea of birth family history - not euphemisms but facts about mental Heath. I do also think that with the benefit of hindsight you can read between the lines of a CPR and interpret some if the things they say.

I do understand that they can't predict everything in a very young child but I do think they could have a more thorough assessment of children before they are adopted. Saying LO is a "very busy child" would probably indicate that a child is likely to be hyperactive or have ADHD in the future, but to newly approved prospective adopters desperate to become parents, they will not read it as such, which is a bit of a SS coverup. Lets face it if everyone knew the whole truth upfront, how many of us would go ahead.A bit more honesty and realism is needed not coverups and cute write up's to sell the child.

We have got a referral for a community paediatrician, and my worry is that the word ADOPTED will flash up and disproportionately influence how Kipper is assessed.I dont know if thats what you mean Choti? I don't want an assumption to be made that stuff is attachment/adoption related in case it is something else, but I also feel its essential for his background to be taken into account. So it feels like a catch 22.

sorry i think i was a bit unclear on what i meant, maybe i'm struggling to work out how i want other people to understand adoption in the way they relate to my children.thanks for asking garden, nothing has just cropped up for us as a family, i realise it must look a bit like this with no posts for ages and then a flurry, i had a large amount of time on my hands yesterday with the best nap time ever and didn't quite know what to do with myself, so wrote all my questions down at once!!i think i have been wondering in general how useful the term is in general when the children are so hugely different, with such different needs and stories, I was also talking to a group of (v articulate) adopted teens who said they didn't liked the feeling of being 'branded' by the word adoption, because the label is a v misunderstood one by wider society, and it was the lack of understanding by their peers of what adoption really was (a lot of people who wanted to 'help' them reunite with their 'real' families in order to be involved in an exciting soap opera style real life story)maybe its a reclaiming of the word thats needed and a better educating of the general publichow that is done effectively is truly the million dollar question

The thing is cm The adopted part is the GOOD PARTThe trauma and awful stuff before is the terribly damaging stuff

I'm a little confused now as to what you're asking.I don't go round describing my children as my adopted children. They're my children, that's their status - not my adopted children.I'm not secretive about it, a lot of people know but I do make it a point of telling any professionals involved with them that they are adopted because it is relevant, and it does go some way towards explaining their behaviours. Two of mine are currently being assessed for ASD. No history of this in my family, possibility in birth family so it's relevant. Their start to life will have an impact on them in many ways - school baby pictures, family trees, birthdays, birth families - but it's certainly not west defines them. A part of them, but so many other sorts to them as well.

Sorry I'm also confused. I see it more as a fact than a label although I know how quick we are as a society to label. I don't think of my son in that way, I'm pretty sure the school don't either. We all know how affected some children can be as a result of many different factors. When I am speaking to others about him its more about his individual needs, I don't presume saying he is adopted will help them understand him.My son has started attending trampolining class, for the first time ever he is super excited about going to a group activity, there are only about 6 kids, 2 trampolines and 1 coach. So he has a bit of waiting around in between getting to use the trampoline, the coach leaves them to entertain themselves in the big hall. Anyway as much as he is loving the class he presents as a bit hyper. Last week he found it very difficult to listen to the teacher and take instructions, he was dsyregulated in the class, I had nipped out to fill the car with petrol, I misjudged that he would cope. At the end of the class the coach very nicely told him and me that he needs to be better at listening as he hadn't listened to her and was a bit inappropriate on the trampoline. Last night I stayed at the class (as I normally always do) and was able to catch his eyes many times to tell him to support him to calm down, he was still quite wired running up and down the hall, but looked very happy. Whilst watching I was pleased to see him loving the class, but concerned about the dsyregulation and suspected this would be an ongoing issue that would my help and the coaches help. At the end of the class the coach approached me to say she wanted to let me know he had managed much better. Last week I could tell she thought is was "bad" behaviour and I didn't share anything with her because I thought I'd wait and see how he got on this week. Telling her about adoption wouldn't have helped, but last night I did tell her he has additional support needs and gets hyper very easily and finds it difficult to calm himself down. She looked like she understood and related this to how he had behaved last night. So the adoption label wouldn't have helped at all, she needed to know about his individual issues. I've shared this experience to emphasis my point, that I don't think many of us use the phrase/label expecting others to understand or interpret needs. I used language and explanations I thought she would understand, she's quite young and funky, so I used the word hyper instead of dsyregulated as I'm more certain the average Joe Bloggs knows what hyper means, especially when they have seen it in action like she did last the last two weeks

Similar to shortbread, my two have recently started trampolining class and I know that both of them can have difficulties - middly with his impulsivity and littly because of her communication problems. And so that's what I told the instructors. Nothing about adoption because it simply wasnt relevant or something that they needed to know. They did though, need to know that they may struggle to listen, hear and understand complex instructions.

Interesting. I told the continence nurse that DS was adopted, partly in response to her questions about family history, but also because I wanted her to understand that there may be more going on than maybe appeared at first glance. My concern now is that she has pigeon-hold ME as an over-protective adoptive mum, who can't let go of her 'baby' and let him take responsibility for himself. As far as she is concerned, he is just an average clever little boy who is being mollycoddled.

I think both Shortbread and Donatella have got the balance right. They are not hiding their childrens status of being adopted, but only tell others if it is relevant. I am adopted and don't care who knows, but my DD's HATE people knowing that they are adopted, so I don't tell people unless it is relevant to their situation and most of the time it isn't. My YDD is about to start counselling this week to help her deal with her anger and feelings about her Dad leaving. Prior to him leaving, she was an incredibly easy child with no issues at all. Since he has left she is completely different and is so angry that I am struggling to handle her. I will be mentioning to her counsellor that she is adopted because I think it might be relevant, as she is now dealing with yet another loss and the counsellor needs to know this in order to get the whole picture.I never told school she was adopted because she never had any issues, loves school, has loads of friends, so there was no need for them to know.It's all about relevance I think, but I do think there are some adopters who put absolutely everything down to them being adopted and some use it as an explanation for bad behaviour so others don't judge them as bad parents.

Bovary. Littly is being assessed at the moment and a psych whom she'd never met before and who spent a max of 20 minutes doing ADOS with her, pulled me to one side when he'd finished and made it clear that in his view she was adopted therefore that meant her problems were attachment related. Now, as far as I was concerned he was diagnosing her status, not her behaviour and that made me very cross. And he got the message very quickly. So it can and does work the other way if you come across a lazy professional.

This is a very interesting discussion. So what do I do regarding our referral? We are being referred regarding some anxiety related behaviour that the GP had flagged as possible autism but has acknowledged could equally be attachment related. One is definitely adoption related, the could be completely independent of adoption.So....presumably a lot will be down to pot luck as to the type of person our professional is...whether they want to see adoption issues, or whether they are sceptical or uninformed about attachment. I'm guessing they will be moRe used to seeing autism, so that is more likely what they will look for.If we had gone down the SS route for advice they probably would automatically assume attachment.Its a minefield! As choti has said I don't want adoption to be a label, but I do want the best for Kipper...determining how and when to use the "label" for the best is a real tightrope.Sorry if I have digressed too much.

sorry i don't think i was very clear, maybe i posted this too early as i haven't quite crystalised my ideas in my own head yet. but pear tree, if it sounded like i don't think adoption is a wonderful thing, then that wasn't my intention, i'm insanely proud of our dd and so grateful that we have found each other, i also agree that someone isn't just adopted and that's all there is to them, they are all of and more than the sum of their parts! its a part of some people's story and whether you are ac, ap, bf, sw etc its going to be a significant part of identity and i see its use within part of a person's personal storymaybe its more that as a label within i don't see where it fits...its not a diagnosis so it doesn't help specifically with getting helpits current meaning isn't clear within societyexperiences are so varied that its not possible to come up with a blanket definition of an adopted child even on sites like this where people are essentially supposed to be in the same boat, experiences ar so different and opinions vehemently so, that it is often not a uniting forceif thats any clearer... i hope...like i said, i'm still trying to crystalise what exactly it is that feels not quite right about the way the term is used generally (not personally, i feel very comfortable using it with dds in the context of their life stories)sorry if this still sounds muddledcm x

oh and also re donatella's post about lazy professionals, i have worked in various therapeutic settings where there is huge disagreement about the significance of adoption and how best to work with it this also worried me about using the 'label' of adoption as for some it will obscure how they view the child and they approach the child with their minds made up on treatment plans before even having met the child...we definitely need to 'shop around' when it comes to therapist they are defnintely not all created equal!!

I tend to give examples of where they struggle with clubs etc (along the lines of Donatella and Bovary).Recently, my ED saw a pysch for some sessions re medical phobias - and I did tell him that she didn't come to us til she was 4 as some of her phobias may be related to early hospitalisation. Also, I assumed he'd understand the effects of developmental (he did).I have always assumed that the medical prof generally would have more understanding than they actually seem to (certainly the people that I've met)