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You need to lock knifes and other weapons away! You need to put an alarm on his bedroom door and give your daughter a lock (just little hook and eye on the inside) so she feels safe in her room. I can tell you now, just don't ever trust him ot play trust games, this child can not be tusted and will fail time after time if you try to trust him. He needs to be kept very close at all times, this is a very typical adopted child and really a full time job to get it right. Do not compaire him with a mainstream child, he's not, he needs superrvision all the time in order to feel safe. You really need to be very pro active in dealing with him in order for your daughter to feel safe. You need to show her you make home safe by locks and taking away weapons. Get ss to assess him, has he asd? fas? dhd? learning disabilities? etc. If you know what's wrong you can start to get support from groups who have children with for example asd, than you can use different ways to parent him, etc. First of all prevention, prevention, prevention. If you can accept that it will never be as how you imagened it to be there can be hope. Especially as ss is willing to pay for interventions, but press for assessments first!

Well personally i would also want him removed. For everyones sake. What if he did injure your daughter or even worse ! His life would be ruined as well as yours. He needs specialist treatment in a residential environment in my opinion. I wouldnt take the risk and at the very least your dd is going to be emotionally damaged by all of this. In the meantime fit locks etc to deter him. It is v sad a little boy has been so badly damaged . Heartbreaking all round but i would not sacrifice my whole families safety and wellbeing as even that may not be enough to help him. Has the adoption order been granted ? PS i do not agree this is typical adopted child behaviour, threats to life are at the extreme end surely

It may not be typical, but it's common and under reported in my opinion. Not always to such a high level though. My two were similar ages. We had knive problems with youngest one when he was younger, but his aggression was only when upset/ dysregulated not constant. Also, elder one was a streetwise physically capable boy who knew how to disarm the younger one. Eventually youngest felt safe and could relax but it took several years. You, on the other hand have a girl who is probably not used to handling aggression. As long as AS stays with you, you definitely need to take steps like Pluto says to minimise risk, but a determined child can find ways round so he does need urgent assessment and treatment. Also, find out about NVR as a way of handling him and supporting your efforts. If you do need to put him back into care get legal advice first if SW are opposed. Best Wishes

I think if you haven't had any therapeutic help and have been parenting him in a conventional way, then it could be worth seeing what they can offer. It's probably likely to be parental support to parent him differently. If you're lucky he might get direct therapy too. While it does sound awful, there are elements that are normalish in the world of adoption. Difficulties dealing with emotions and lashing out as a result are not uncommon. But there are ways of reacting / planning life to ease these. It's hard to tell how bad things are from one post. You are finding it very bad undoubtedly. But if you are say, not recognising triggers, getting angry, expecting remorse and change etc, then you could be helped to overcome this to an extent. Obviously I don't know you and I don't mean to cause offence. I would not describe my children as violent but they have had their moments. We have had threats of violence and I can't say I've never been slapped but it's manageable and most of the time it doesn't happen. The threats have never been put into practice and I have no concerns that they ever will be at this stage (both in their teens). I know they're a way of letting off steam and we have strategies for supporting our children to re-regulate. This could be an opportunity to insist on a comprehensive therapeutic package (including a proper assessment of his needs) plus respite for you and your daughter. I doubt ss will simply take away a 6 year old at this stage.

We have been therapeutic parenting him but it just doesn't work. Even had a theraplay specialist in. And yes BD is very emotional and scared, doesn't want to be left alone with him

It sounds difficult but not unusual. What sort of assessments did he have pre placement? If he was around 4 when he came to you then I can only imagine he must have experienced some trauma and tough times? You say theraplay hasn’t worked - it certainly helped us with our son when he was younger however attachment wasn’t his primary issue. There were other things in the mix which were later diagnosed. Are you assuming all his issues are trauma and attachment related or could there be other stuff in the mix? If, for instance, he has adhd, asd, fasd then therapeutic parenting alone isn’t going to fix things. In reality there will be no quick fix anyway. I understand that you’re upset about your daughter but wondered whether it would help to see this little lad as a terrified child who’s doing his utmost to control everything in an attempt to keep himself safe - it’s highly likely he doesn’t yet trust that you will keep him safe. We didn’t get there for years. Do you know what stuff is in his background? Might help to go back and read his papers in case there’s something that strikes you now which might not have at the time. Referral to a paed/Camhs. If you’re in England then social services can apply to the ASF for support. You have absolutely to keep everyone safe but I’m not sure that SS will simply remove him. Many adopters have had lengthy battles trying to get the right support for their kids - sometimes it has to be a return to care but that will always be a last resort. In the meantime ... try and identify triggers, remove knives etc, put contact alarms in doors and a lock on your daughter’s door.

Well therapeutic parenting does not mean a thing, it matters how you parent and how you look at the child. You tried to reconnect but you do not trust him and you're fed up with his behaviours, well you should have never trusted him to start of with, his behaviours are a reflection of the situation he's in. What when disruption is no option? How can you continue? I guess by not having any expectations, by treating him half his age, including levels of supervision, by making the surroundings safe, by keeping the two children apart as much as possible. You should not expect the child to change, the situation can improve however by you changing. Do not think I have no idea how you feel, I was in a burning house in the night with two children, and yes the fire was not an electic fault, but set by my than six year old. Ofcourse I was done with him, but disruption was no option, so I made the situation safe, he slept in a locked bedroom for nearly two years afterwards, (on advise from a psych, I could no longer sleep myself, he has attachment disorder among other diagnosis). You need to find ways to make it work, start with being in controle and make decisions for him, like you would for a three year old. Stop thinking about disruption, instead find a child minder to take him sometimes. How's school going? Get assessments for him, get someone to talk to yourself, nobody said it would be easy. Maybe you pulled the short string but so have many others. Believe me ones you know for example he has asd or learning disabilities or whatever, parenting him will be so much easier. Not because he has changed but because you see him with different eyes.

How stressful for you all! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can see there are opposing views about what to do about your AS, and I suspect that's exactly how you feel - sometimes you just want out of the situation and at other times you feel you can cope a bit better and want to give him all the love and therapeutic support you can. I had something similar in a more minor way when my AS was very little and it was absolutely exhausting. I agree that it's probably a lot more common that is acknowledged. There were times I felt like I was being abused. It's very hard to get that balance between really good boundaries and therapeutic parenting. I think I both did well and made lots of mistakes, as we probably all do! My boy is doing much better now, and I can see how much anxiety was at the root of his issues, but I think we have turbulent teens ahead of us! Whatever happens in terms of disruption or otherwise, I think the most important thing to do for you all in the short term is get your boy assessed and see if there is more than attachment issues in the mix. If there is anything like ADHD, ASD or FASD that has been so far undiagnosed, it may help you all to get a handle on it and make informed decisions about the future. Hopefully you have a sympathetic GP. I also wondered about how he is at school - there should be help available through that route too. Both my kids have have had different forms of therapy and they were both very useful, but I would really advise investigating what would be considered 'medical' issues too Make sure you and your BD get time together, and although you may not feel very much like it, some time with you and AS. But most of all, some time for you. Good luck xx

Brilliant advice above - two things I would add - has your son ever experienced or witnessed anyone attacking or threatening someone with a knife in that way? My daughter sometimes used to grab a knife (carving knife) at that sort of age but she never went for anyone with it - she just held it in a threatening stance - if he has had direct experience I think he needs specific therapeutic input to address that Secondly I think your daughter needs to talk to a professional too - to help her deal with these terrible feelings and her (very real) fears