Hello!!
My partner and I have our end of stage 1 meeting the first week of December.
When did you decide to tell people you were adopting? So far only close friends and family know!
We have found as we told a few people that we have heard more and more stories of people who have had or know people that have had experience of adopting.
We told people even before we started. But we are not very private and we are good at standing out ground when challenged.
Our feedback ranged from celebrating us as the new Good Samaritan to asking my parents to stop us. Interestingly, the less close the relationship was, the more positive people were. It was mostly close friends and family who said nasty stuff. I assume out of concern for us. They all came round in the end though and love our kids very much now.
We told a few close friends. Sorry I don't know the current stages as adopted a while ago. We had to tell employers and others who were giving references, but kept it quite limited. At times this was difficult because we waited a while, but it avoided people keep asking when we had a match. The downside of limiting who you tell is once matched there is very little time for preparation. We were told mid December we would meet our child beginning of January and he would move in a week later. It was hectic buying things for a child under one, at weekends in the run up to Christmas.
The important thing is that you tell those who can encourage and support you.
We remember asking this very question ourselves. We have recently been recommended for approval by adoption panel and although most people we know are aware we are going through the adoption process to some degree or other, we've deliberately not told everyone and we're two years in now! Although from the people we have told, they have all been genuinely fascinated about the adoption process. In some cases constantly asking if we have any updates or what happens next etc. We even had a chat with our local police officer who it turns out was herself adopted long ago. It made us realise that more people are adopted than we realise or know somebody that was previously adopted or is going through the process now.
We guess it just depends on who you feel comfortable telling. It boils down to your individual situation. It's both your adoption journey and your adoption story.
We are lucky that we haven't really had any negativity as such which has been great, but even if one or two people are negative it's only out of ignorance - and there's a whole raft of information out there to help them with that. (various books, Youtube, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, etc. etc.)
The stages of adoption (as we understand it) are:
Pre-Stage 1 - Information about adoption
Stage 1 - References, checks and introduction courses
Stage 2 - Numerous home visits or online sessions with social worker plus more courses
* Adoption Panel *
Stage 3 - Matching with the right child
* Matching Panel *
Stage 4 - Moving In!
A tip for Stage 2 - always be totally honest with yourself, each other and your social worker. The more you put into this stage the more you'll get from it. We have learnt a LOT about each other during Stage 2 - right back to each others childhoods and early adulthood - and now feel more connected and ready to adopt than ever before!
Good luck!
"If you imagine it, you can achieve it. If you dream it you can become it." - Quote by William Arthur Ward
I decided not to tell anyone except for a small select number of people initially and by that I mean about 4, including my mum. I felt there was not much to tell at the early stages and as it is quite a process both in time and emotions I didn't really want to be overly sharing that info. I was approved in July this year and felt that was the right time to share my news. I felt at this stage I actually had something to tell and I could openly be excited and talk freely about it. Although still a way to go I hoped that timing wise it could be similar to a pregnancy so could allow friends and family to get on board and be involved from the matching process - this may have been a bit ambitious I am now learning.
Having appreciated all my friends excitement at announcing their pregnancies over the years, mostly from messaging scan photos and then everyone sending well wishes I felt I wanted to do something similar and also selfishly experience that elation that they had all felt. It had been a long road to get to this stage as I am sure many of you will relate. I designed a card, got it printed and posted it to everyone that I wanted to finally share my exciting news with, thanks to Royal Mail they all found out on the same day, if maybe at different times of the day. Within my inner circle of friends there are 9 of us so once the news was out I arranged a zoom catch up for a full Q&A so I didn't need to keep repeating myself. My mum also got to share in the joy of announcing she was to become a gran - she got to explain things to some of the family and her friends, who she also chose to send my card onto.
I have been quite surprised by the reactions of some. Many of my friends have been delighted and want only the best for me and are a support now that I am in the matching process, which is not easy. Although sometimes it can be hard to manage their expectations along with your own. Others haven't really mentioned it again at all? I'm not sure if they are offended that I didn't tell them earlier or if they don't see it as the same thing. I have heard similar stories from others adopters about friends reactions so will take it as it comes.
You will know what feels right for your journey.
Good luck!
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