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Hi. I have three but thankfully all adopted separate. Firstly, I sincerely hope that they’ll be offering a substantial adoption allowance in order for you to take these children? If not, demand it. And that it’s not means tested and will continue until at least 18. Secondly, there will need to be a robust support plan in place with support guaranteed? Do they have ehcps? In all likelihood they’ll need them.

Will you need to take adoption leave? Without a doubt. And given that they already have additional needs identified it may well be that a no return to work will need to be considered. Two of mine have additional needs, not known at placement as they were babies. I’ve spent the last 10 or so years fighting to get them assessed, diagnosed, statemented and into the right education. Doing it x 3 will be stressful, time consuming, exhausting ...

3 are expensive. We had to change to a 7 seater car when they were younger as they couldn’t sit next to each other. Food, holidays etc become very expensive. Childcare? Not an option here as they could never cope with it but prohibitively expensive x 3. School holidays care?

Trauma bonds? Have they always been together? Do the sws understand trauma bonds? I wouldn’t assume ... what’s the rationale for keeping them together? Well thought out or just a nice thing to do?

i appreciate that thus might sound a little negative but I would be very hesitant to take three at once. You’re outnumbered suddenly. Three kicking off at the same time? Three sets of the same diagnosis? What’s underlying - did bm drink, do drugs. Genetic history?

Dont rush into it and don’t allow yourself to be pressured. You - and they - will need huge amounts of ongoing, robust support to make this work.

good luck

I just lost a long post - but basically second what Donatella said

*deleted* - my advice - don't. Can you still search on the old forums - there were lots of threads on this and the pros and cons.

*content deleted*

I would post more but this is a public forum and since I can't PM I'm stuck....I even feel uncomfortable sharing the above....I may delete shortly

Hi,

Thank you so much for your responses. I wish I could explain more but it is hard with this as a public forum. EHCPs are all in place already along with huge amounts of support for each of them which will continue post adoption. SW's and FC's really seem to have been very proactive with the group and haven't delayed in getting them what they need both in education and with additional support out with school.

Adoption leave isn't a problem and is already sorted whether or not it leads to being unable to return to work.

But....I am very aware that I am in danger of having my head in the clouds so I am really appreciative of the honest responses. Although if anybody has any positives that would be good as well.

Although I won't reply to each of the points raised they have given me a lot to think about and help me focus my thinking ready for the next SW meeting.

Thanks so much, I'm off to see if I can find the old threads.

I adopted a threesome aged 5 to 10. This is some years ago now and the risks were less well known so, as a first time adopter, I really had no idea of the possible complications. I'm one of 5 children myself so three seemed quite sensible (at the time!). We have had some wonderful times and some extremely difficult times too. The trauma-related stuff can capsize your family several times over and drag you all through re-traumatising experiences. Adopting brings those risks, whatever your family size, but it's a little less risky with only one or two.

I don't think being a first time adopter is an issue at all. You just learn very rapidly!

Did you originally want three children, or is it just because these three were suggested to you?

Someone has just drawn my attention to this. Posting here as I think it’s very relevant to your situation. Doesn’t make for an easy read ....

https://fabparents.co.uk/2017/10/18/sibling-group-together/