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can''t make my mind up
aquarius
May 26, 2011 08:38
I''m not looking for replies just wanting to write it down really... my littly has the most amazing support package in place at school and out despite in our previous area being told she could cope without it. She could but they have taken the tack they don''t want her to just cope but to achieve and reach her potential which is rather remarkable in itself!!My dilemma is they have now also offered respite for her. She is a very attention needing child and she does need constant supervision. I can''t even look at a magazine while she plays as she then plays up. My Mum looks after her while I''m at work and in the holidays and finds her hard work. She would be deemed a looked after child for that period even though it would be daycare through the holidays so my big girl gets some one to one without littly monopolising everything. I feel awful about her status going back to looked after for those hours, it isn''t what I want for her.She will cope with the respite as she is well attached and able to cope with daycare etc.I''m not sure if I am blowing it out of proportion or if others have felt like this too.It is the looked after status that is really the problem for me, the repite would be welcome for everyone and would be a continuation of her learning plan that she has at her spilt placement between mainstream and ASN dept. It will be done in a very co-ordinated way so I have no concerns there. It won''t be done by foster parents but rather by staff at a children''s respite centre that also has overnight accomodation. It has sensory rooms, masses of toys and play space and quite a rich programme of enrichment type of activities so she will be well catered for. I don''t know though, the thought of social workers involvement again fills me with dread too at my big girls response...
Pear Tree
May 26, 2011 08:53
I ummed and ahhh'd as its a horrible feeling but, NO-ONE thinks of the children who need respite the same as the other children who are LAC. Shes a child with a disability who requires respite- its just its a BESD disability thats all.Plus (this bit is ever so important for me) you hold FULL PR at S20.FULL PR. She is not "shared" between you and and anyone else. She is yours. For me, in the end I realised that Blossom NOT being a S20 was holding her back and stopping her protection for her needs.The protection she has is a SW and an IRO. That IRO has a lot of power, including the power to circumvent SS if they think that budgetry concerns are trumping the needs of the child. my blossoms SW is experienced and well versed in LAC, and learning fast about AC! Under S20, in theory, if you decided to- you could go and get her AT ANY TIME. Its just like asking a friend to have her but a slightly more formal arrangement because of the protection required for her needs.With total respect to you Aquarius, respite is something your child needs too. Living in a family with a mother relationship around her is the hardest thing she has to manage in her life.Respite is something that needs to be worked on, to start with there will be fall out until dd gets used to the routine of it and you do too. But once established it can be such a saving grace long before there are serious enough issues. Before Blossom moved she had a few hours respite a wk and we ALL looked forward to it and developed a very positive relationship with her very experienced and LOVELY support worker.I am still in touch with her, over a yr after Blossom moved to the TC.Hope this helpful to you.Pear tree
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Pear Tree
May 26, 2011 08:56
PS. She is only LAC for the time she is within respite. After that she is totally yours.
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Pear Tree
May 26, 2011 08:57
not that when she is in respite she isnt totally yours. umm! i dont think I worded that well... sorry! Hope you understand what I mean
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Queenie 27
May 26, 2011 09:41
My Big Girl ( now 25) had respite long before the days when this silly business of being looked after came into being. I was FURIOUS when we had to accept this situation, but looking back it was a fuss over nothing, as it really doesn't have any effect on the nature of a good respite placement.Although the break was good for us, the biggest plus was that it helped our daughter to be used to other people looking after her, and to be independent of us in a good way. Because she was very small when she started , it never became a big issue and I am sure it is part of her confidence now. Go for it!Queenie
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aquarius
May 26, 2011 14:47
Thank you for your replies.PT it is for my littly who is only 4yrs with physical disabilities rather than behavioural etc. I agree though, she is still mine despite the repite but I can't quite manage to make the call yet!
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Pear Tree
May 26, 2011 17:05
Sorry aquarius- my misunderstanding, hope no offence taken.You are doing so very well.Keep going and take all help going with both hands.
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loadsofbubs
May 26, 2011 17:18
i agonised over respite for my AS too but after offering respite for a child with far fewer needs than my AS, i realised the potential benefits for him. but more than that the benefits for my other two children. he had respite with teh same lady and her family for around 6 years and it was a real blessing for me and my other kids, but also for him. he was able to experience being an oldest child in a fmaily. he was able to do things i wasn't able to do with him, like visit the beach. all in all it was a great experience for all concerned. the LAC status did bother me but it was only a minor inconvenience really.
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aquarius
May 27, 2011 10:31
Thank you again and it certainly sounds like those of you who have used respite have found it a positive thing to do.Shadow, no, things are not extreme with littly which also adds to my guilt over it. Without disclosing where I live...it is a very resource rich area with less pressures on services so children with additional needs are well taken care of and they offer this to all families with complex children. I didn't have to put up much of a fight to get the present level of support and the respite service offers playschemes in the summer holidays as they recognise children need the continued structure and routine of these things. They will also organise birthday parties and will do the respite at home even!When children are older they will take and support at activities like brownies etc too. We are extremely lucky so I should be grasping it with both hands as I know only so well from my friends on here just how hard this sort of support is to come by.I am also aware that this service is exceptional and with budget cuts etc it may not always be the case...think I have talked myself in to it!!!
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aquarius
March 13, 2013 10:34
bump for petuniae
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Dusty
March 13, 2013 21:47
I know only too well how hard that decision is. In my case it was more me coming to terms that things really meant respite was required. The decision is never easy. Good luck with whatever you decide and do not beat yourself up over what you do decide.
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