Edited 17/02/2021
Separation at school
gerbilgirl15607
March 1, 2019 09:12
Our youngest AD (4yo) has always had a little bit of anxiety going into class since she started reception in September, however this appears to be escalating and is even worse on a day when I am going to work. This morning we had refusal to go in the gate, I ended up taking her in to class, trying to settle her and after about 15/20 minutes of her not wanting me to leave her we (TA and myself) decided that I would go and leave her with the TA. She has already calmed and settled down and is enjoying her morning. I know that once she is in class she is really happy and joins in with everything (her teacher was the school SENCO last year and knows a lot about her past), so once she makes it across that threshold she is thriving and doing really well. It's just getting her across that gate threshold. Her older sister (8yo) loves school and has none of these issues when we drop her off in the morning, although this difference may in part be due to her age! Any ideas on different ways we can try and lessen this to make it easier for her?
chestnuttree
March 1, 2019 09:39
One of my daughters struggled with the separation for a while. We made a key ring with a Christmas photo of the four of us. So if she felt worried, she could look at that. You could also give her something that smells of you, like a handkerchief. My daughter also took a small soft toy in for a while. It was easier for my daughter if we separated at home and my husband took her in. Her teacher helped by always immediately telling her something fun they were going to do. I always told my children that I had very boring days and made everything sound like a routine, so they could picture me easily during the day. Maybe you could show her your workplace, so she knows where you go (if she hasn't seen it already)?
Edited 17/02/2021
clr1
March 1, 2019 10:56
I would do some research into resources for 'attachment aware' schools (eg Louise Bomber books). Some of the basic recommendations are for such children to have a key adult at school - who ideally doesn't change throughout your child's education at that school - and who is probably not a teacher. You'd want that person to do some training in attachment disorder (a good use for the pupil premium) and become a secondary attachment figure for your child, providing attachment-based support during the school day. At a minimum, you should expect this person to meet your child at the beginning of day, ideally with you present so that there is an 'attachment handover', and then touch base with her during the school day so that your AD knows that there is a trusted adult close by who is keeping her in mind.
Edited 17/02/2021
safia
March 1, 2019 12:18
One of mine had trouble separating in the morning and one of the TAs (an adoptive parent herself - though I didn't know at the time) came to the playground and gently took her by the hand and walked with her into her classroom. She was actually from another class and did this without prompting - her teacher was very much of the attitude that at 6 all children should be independent enough to wait in the queue. Your daughter is very young and its not unusual at that age. My other child was also very happy to just walk off into school in the way school required - it is a difference in attachment style as a result of their very different early experiences (in my case)
Edited 17/02/2021
Callie
March 1, 2019 15:07
Taking her directly into class might help? It worked with us and teacher or TA gave our AS special tasks to do. It took a whole term for AS to settle down again. We also addressed specific issues that were upsetting him - difficult work and lack of structured play at breaks We also gave him a keyring and picture of DH & I this happened to us in Y2, after no issues in YR or Y1!
Edited 17/02/2021
belle de fontenay
March 1, 2019 22:51
As2 was like this in reception. TA was always stood by door to greet children and when we got there she immediately took him into class with tales of all the exciting things they would do. If I went in it would end in disaster. BdF
Edited 17/02/2021
Rosie100
March 1, 2019 23:47
Have you asked if you could bring her into school a little earlier than the other children when it is less busy and usually quite calm.. This has worked well with quite a few children at the school where I teach. The parents bring them in before the main crowd with a special activity waiting for them. One child at the moment in reception loves junk modelling, so the teacher makes sure there are a few boxes waiting for him when he comes in early. He is coming in happier now, whereas before it took him on a bad day an hour to settle. If they are very upset it is horrible for parent and child to have all the other parents and children witnessing it too. As others have said a photo or item from home to remind her you are thinking of her often helps too.
Edited 17/02/2021
gerbilgirl15607
March 22, 2019 16:13
Thanks for all your suggestions, just thought I would update as its been a few weeks since her last episode! For now we appear to have made it easier just by her having something to take in for the teacher each day and carrying a toy to school which I then look after and bring back at pick up time. The teacher was great about being given something (we've given her spellings that we have done at home and letter formation practice and bottle tops which they are collecting for a project after Easter) and this morning her teacher commented that it did seem to be working :) She has got a special key ring which is on her bag and sort of resembles a cuddly toy we have at home as well. We have also stopped mentioning too much about what I am doing each day until tea time when we are all sat down together so as to not really remind her of the extra separation on those days - even her sister is managing to not ask loudly whether its a kids club day! I will definately keep in mind some of other suggestions for any future flare ups :)
Edited 17/02/2021
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