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About 8 is when mental health professionals will often start the process of assessment for any conditions. If it's only you and your wife, it may be more adoption related than ODD. I went through a range of diagnosis/reading material and my son seemed to fit loads of them. Try and get a professional clinical psychologist with experience of LAC/adoption/fostering and an open mind. It's hard, but my son is now 19, has several diagnosis and though no rocket scientist, is generally holding it together.

I think it's very unlikely to be ODD. ODD often accompanies ADHD. My adopted daughter was diagnosed with both conditions. Her ODD was very apparent in other settings too, not just at home. She would get into trouble at school and she was regularly fired from factory work on account of her defiant attitude. I would suggest that you take your AS to see the GP and ask for a referral to CAMHS. Despite him being so young, do not hesitate to call the police if he shows extreme and violent behaviour. Many of us have found them to be most helpful and they will put pressure on other agencies to act. Lily x

Hi, it's more likely to be attachment based if he just does it with you, but my daughter has something called PDA (google it - Pathalogical Demand Avoidance Syndrome). One of the symptoms is 'tantrums' when asked to do something but it's actually a panic attack. My daughter was very well behaved at school and with others - this is a coping strategy which some PDA Kids use (most don't, but a small subset do this as a way of avoiding demands i.e. keeping head down). I personally wouldn't go looking for an ODD diagnosis. It is behaviour based but there are no services for it. If you live in England, I would suggest that you apply to your local authority for funding from the adoption support fund to get some therapy. But also, do check out PDA as you might find this an interesting fit. If so, check out the parenting strategies for PDA.

I'm not a great fan of trying to get specific diagnoses for kids who have suffered early trauma. I think that there are potentially a huge range of reasons why they may have issues and their many issues may well overlap. For instance, their early parenting and moves within the care system are likely to produce attachment problems. Their birth mum may have used drink and/or drugs in pregnancy. They could have learning difficulites, some of which have a genetic component which goes some way to explaining why their parents couldn't give good-enough parenting. They could also have other conditions with genetic components, such as autistic spectrum disorders. Any or all of those can result in a child who is violent towards their parents. Meanwhile, according to Holly van Gulden, around 8 children go through a change where their thinking becomes more "concrete". This the stories about their past can stop being just stories and become real to the kids. This can lead to them almost re-experiencing their trauma and, given that this is an age when they're "dysregulated" that can also be pretty explosive. (Two of mine expressed suicidal ideation about this age, for example, and quite a few other posters have mentioned the same). That could also lead to them being violent towards their parents. So, to me, violence can come from a lot of different roots. In some ways a diagnosis can help - it can, in some cases, open the door to understanding and/or services. In other ways it can mask the fact that the problems are much more complex than just what's on the label.