Had an absolutely horrible day, turns out when the college reported me to social services they also reported me to the police (only found out today that they had reported me to the police) !! Had a visit from the police today because the college falsely told them that I was "seriously harming" my daughter!! I've never harmed my daughter and would never harm her!
Oh Rosie,
Make sure that the police who visited today logged the incident - I am sure they will have - and then inform your solicitor. These allegations are really vindictive and malicious and your solicitor will need to get evidence of it to use in your civil action. Did you manage to get in touch with your MP? I really think you should as I think that formal complaints and discipline proceedings need to be started with respect of the staff at the college - their behaviour is unbelievable. Your MP should be able to help in respect of this.
Lets hope that the police will inform the college staff that making false allegations and wasting police time is a criminal offence and can land them in court. - in fact insist that they do and ask for a copy of any report that they put together.
Try and stay strong - remember the college will pay for this - you have nothing to fear from them, social services or the police. Also remember to add all of this to your diary - what happened and the effect that this added stress and worry is having on you and your family.
wish I could do more xxx
Rosie, I am so very sorry! This must all be so scary for your daughter and very unnerving for you. It is the last thing you need at Christmas (or any time), particularly after the terrible time you have had. I am glad windfalls is so knowledgeable. I hope your MP will support you and that the police will have a serious talk with the college. These people really must loose their jobs over this!
Rosie it might be worth contacting your local emergency duty team to find out what social services are doing. If there are concerns raised by someone (maliciously or not) the police do have a statutory duty to investigate. It may be that there is a consideration of a Child Protection Plan being imposed although as your DD's parent you should be fully informed of any such action. Not really sure why from what you have written this should be the case but social services should at the very least be communicating with you.
Hi Rosie, How are you? I hope things are moving in the right direction. x
Hello,
I'm really sorry for not coming back sooner. We've moved house and sold the old one. Our solicitor is proceeding with the civil action against the college, the college are now trying to lie they're way out of the situation by saying that I faked them disclosing the information to birth family and faked the emails from the college!! Social services assessed us and decided she was not at risk! People investigated the claims of me abusing my daughter and then spoke to the college about the false claims.
My daughter is now struggling to settle in our new home, I completely understand as it's different and not the same.
My daughter finishes her princess trust course in 2 weeks and the Local Authority are still trying to get her into a special needs college as she has autism and ADHD. As I said previously, she is volunteering at her old primary school when they are back open fully.
Is there anything I need to do which I've forgot?
We've changed phone numbers and everything.
Her (adoptive) dad (my husband) spilt up with me years ago but he's now accusing me of doing everything wrong and saying I should be "blaming and severely disciplining" our daughter for the incidents that happened at the college!
Thanks for all the help x
Wow, you are amazing! You got so much done in such a short time and during lockdown!
The college told the police what they disclosed to birth family, so are they saying the police made that up too? Those people should not work in education, not only because they don't know how to safeguard children or because they are callous and dishonest, but because they are obviously not very bright...
I am sorry your daughter is struggling with the move. I hope she will settle soon. Can you make her room special? Could you get her lots of fairy lights and a soft blanket, so her room looks extra cosy?
Needless to say that I think her dad is wrong. How can it be her fault when the support the college promised was not in place? They had to revoke the exclusion, so they have admitted they made a mistake. It sounds as if he might be overwhelmed. Maybe he feels powerless and wants to regain some control and the only people he can try to control in this situation are you and your daughter?
Did your MP get back to you?
Hi Rosie,
I agree with Chestnut, you are truly amazing and to have done all of this on your own as well - didn't realise that you and your husband had split up. I would ignore what he says - this is not your or your daughter's fault at all. The college are unbelievable - you cannot fake emails from them and to suggest that you have made up the disclosure is laughable. The fact that they are making such outrageous allegations illustrates how you have them on the ropes - and hopefully all this added distress will increase your damages. I am glad that the LA have realised that your daughter needs to be in a specialist college - one that can meet her needs. Are you a member of the National Autistic Society? It is free to join and they have local branches which you can sign up to and they have a list of local colleges and so may help with your college search. They also have an email forum which you can sign up to as well - you will get lots of suggestions as to how best to help your daughter settle in to your new home. I have recently joined my local branch and the wealth of knowledge is amazing.
Also it is good to hear that social services have finished their investigation - another worry off your shoulders. I hope that your civil claim is concluded soon - make sure that you also get a full apology from the college acknowledging their actions - fully admitting liability for what they did and what they have continued to put your family through. Let's hope that certain people lose their jobs over this - they shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children let alone vulnerable ones.
best wishes xx
I just wanted to add to what the others have said - I didn’t know it was possible to achieve so much in such a short time - amazing indeed! Take time with your daughter to settle into your new home - lots of nurturing and making it special to both of you. You have both been through so much but are nearly there and can begin to relax. As others have said - ignore Dad’s comments (as long as he’s not telling your daughter this) - maybe he feels guilty for not being there and for not being able to do what you have done. No rush with the college - hopefully you will find a good specialist one that truly meets your daughters needs and can finally work with you - take care
Hi,
chestnuttree-yep the college are saying the police made that up as well as a "plot to conspire against us", "us" being the college. Completely agree that they shouldn't work in education, all they do is just try to lie their way out of everything and accept responsibility for nothing, also I'm pretty sure they make up policies/rules as they go along because in one of the meetings I asked why only 2 of their polices we're available on the website to view and their response was "we would be unable to publish current versions on the site as we constantly amend them to suit the needs of our establishment", in another meeting I pointed out how they had not followed their SEN policy and their response was "polices can be changed if necessary". Fairy lights for her room is a good idea, I will get some of them. In terms of her dad, she sees him once every other weekend, this was his choice not mine. I wouldn't say the college accepted being in the wrong when they revoked the exclusion as they we're still insisting they we're right but revoked the exclusion as a "gesture of good will". My mp did get back to me but basically just said there is nothing more he can do.
windfalls- I am a member of the national autistic society. I hope the people involved in this do lose their jobs but I doubt they will as the college seems badly managed all the way from the bottom to the governors at the top.
Safia- I am on annual leave for the next two weeks so I am and will spend time helping my daughter settle into our new home. I can't ignore her dad as he messages her asking her is she going to apologise for "putting me (me means him as this is what he says to my daughter) through hell", I don't know what hell as he hasn't helped me deal with any of this. I know you say don't rush with the college but her dad is pressuring me too, for the main reason being that he will lose the benefits he gets for her if she's not in full time education. Yes I know I should have stopped him claiming benefits when we broke up as my daughter lives with me but at the time I gave in to him as he was threatening me etc., and he is refusing to pay me child maintenance until she is back in a college. Luckily I don't need the child maintenance too much as my partner lives with me, at least he helped me through all this unlike her dad!!
When we had the exclusion meeting's with the college, her dad was agreeing with the college, when I raised the issue in the meeting that the college had not followed their displince procedure, her dad said to the college "well I can understand why you haven't followed it as this situation is challenging and serious and should be dealt with as such"! When they said they we're excluding her, her dad said "completely understand why as her behaviour was extremely serious and she's a danger to other students"!!! I'm not saying it wasn't serious but it wouldn't have happened if the college had supported her how they said they would!
I am pleased you have now moved. We moved just over a year ago. My DS who has ASD and ADHD found it hard to get used to. Although he knew the positives of the move he took a long while to settle and that was without all the challenges your daughter has had.
Hope you both benefit from your time at home and your daughter is able to start relaxing in her new room.
Hi Bluemetro,
It's so hard isn't it! If you don't mind me asking how long did it take your son to settle fully?
Thanks in advance x
We had a fairly good night last night, the Local Education Authority are calling me again today to discuss getting a new college place for her.
Brilliant!
There supposed to be ringing me at half 1.
Glad you had a better night Rosie. Good luck with your telephone call.xx
So the local authority have rang me back, to cut it short they have basically given us 2 options, 1. Let her go to this special needs college nearby but they only do GCSE English and Maths but my daughter passed both English and Maths in high school, or 2. As the exclusion was revoked then reapply for a place in the same college for her to start again this September!
They have said if we come up with anything else then they will "try to assist" but won't be a priority like we are at the moment!
I just don't know what to do! And her dad isn't helping because he's pressuring me to get her back in college ASAP "by any means possible"!
She cannot go back to the college that has failed her so spectacularly and if the other college isn't appropriate then look outside of your LA - to the neighbouring ones. Find the one that you want her to go to and tell them they have to fund it. Also have a look at the independent special needs schools , - lots of them have post 16 provision - either in your area or neighbouring LA's. As for her dad tell him she will go to the college that is right for her and if he is not happy then perhaps a phonecall to the benefits office may help? Xx
The LA suggests you send her to a college which failed to safeguard her and which passed on her data to her birth family? The college's actions have major ongoing consequences and the conflict is not resolved. The LA must be kidding. The other option is not an option either, so they need to come up with better ideas. Like windfall says, research your options and ask the LA to fund them. Could you ask to speak to the LA person's manager and send them an email to document everything yet again. I am really sorry this is such an uphill battle!
Your daughter is not responsible for her father's financial situation. That is his problem.
xx
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