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Feeling Disappointed

Becky-Boo April 27, 2021 14:58

I have had a phone call today saying that I cannot move to stage one as my mobility isn’t good enough. I use a walking stick when out of the house and lead a full life. My mobility is not a major issue for me and I spoke to my doctor before I began the application process, who were very supportive of my plan to adopt.

i was very upfront about my mobility with my social worker in our initial chat on the phone but when I told her I felt her whole attitude towards me change. It felt like I was instantly written off, but she thought she better come to my house and see how I walked around. I showed her around my home without use of a stick as I use it more outdoors. But I really felt she’d made up her mind before she even arrived for the visit. That was all she talked about and she was very negative about me.

I received a telephone call from the social worker today saying she wasn’t putting me forward onto stage one (I’d guessed that much already) but if I had physio then I could think about reapplying in a few years when I could walk better !!!

I’m beyond shocked by her attitude and I actually feel quite offended. My doctor does not feel I need physio. I think it would have been easier if my dr who knew me had highlighted an issue in my medical. I know LA’s and VA’s say they welcome applications from adopters with disabilities but it just sounds like an empty attempt to be seen as inclusive.

sorry to vent but I’m angry, hurt and offended.

Serrakunda27 April 28, 2021 07:53

vent away, some SWs are just plain daft

this is not the only agency, I’d try somewhere else

good luck

ournames April 28, 2021 17:49

I had exactly the same experience. It’s totally inappropriate for a social worker to make a medical judgement when that really isn’t their job. And it’s so shocking and upsetting. I thought that everyone in the social worker role would be pretty open-minded. This was not in any way correct.

I went through two agencies who wouldn’t let us onto stage 1. Thankfully we found a third agency who were absolutely wonderful! So as the previous poster says, try some other agencies if you can. The one you’ve tried doesn’t deserve you.

Adopting when you’re disabled is always going to be a battle, and yes they have to test your ‘resilience’. But look for people who are going to test you and support you.

Safia April 28, 2021 18:07

Definitely worth trying different agencies - but also think through scenarios where it might be a problem and how you would cope - eg child running into the road. Instead of physio maybe try and get some practical experience with children in so you’ve got that to refer to. Remember your strengths and the positives you have to offer and to emphasise these so you don’t come across as apologetic - good luck - you will get there I’m sure.

Honeybee September 24, 2021 13:26

Hi there. Just reading through this chat from earlier in the year. Can I ask if any of you with a health issue or a disability have been successful in being matched? We've been waiting for 7 months with very little progress. We've been turned down 3 times now for consideration and I am convinced it's because of health-related reasons in regard to my husband despite being approved for the 0-4 age group, and being in our 40s which seems to be 'too old' in the minds of some SWs I feel.

Serrakunda27 September 24, 2021 18:56

Not me, but yes I do know adopters with disabilities and long term conditions who have adopted. But then lots of SWs weren't interested in me because I'm single. And I was pushing 47 when my son came home.

looking for a child is really tough. It's very hard to say why SWs choose not to proceed. I was given some really daft reasons, which I was pretty sure were because I was single,or so I thought at the time. Maybe it was, maybe it wasnt.

In the end it didnt matter, because the right child came along. I think that's how you have to look at it. Those children were not your child - your child is still out there, maybe the legal stuff hasn't been completed yet. But they are out there and you will get there.


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