Edited 17/02/2021
Spiteful...
sapphirezodiac
May 26, 2013 22:57
In many ways BS 7 & AD 4 are like any siblings, they get on, they fall out, they play, they ignore each other. But on balance AD is mostly not very nice to BS. He is a hugely gentle, considerate, caring thing who endlessly loves her regardless but gets really upset by her rejection. I do worry that his patience will eventually wear out and any hope of them being close will be gone. He so badly wanted this sibling, its not (yet) what he was hoping for.Today she hit a new low and I hit a new high.I go though times of babysitting their play closely and at a distance, a mix of teaching them both how to play with each other and allowing them space to find their way. Generally the minute I am out of reach AD gets mean. I spy on them lots as I dont want to automatically jump to a wrong opinion about who said what.Today AS was trying to play her game (so at a younger level, not that much fun for him but he does it for her), she was being controlling and difficult. She deliborately lost something previous to him then refused to find it, he was explainig how it made him feel when she was so mean, she said "good well that makes me happy", then skipped downstairs sxxxxxxing and laughing. I blew my top. I simply cannot sit back and watch BS be treated this way. My devoted defence of his lovely nature is acute when she is so horrid. I do explain to him that she is still learning and that she doesnt mean it and he still believes this too, but thing is I really dont..... I do feel that sometimes she is just plain spiteful.Today was not our finest hour
spring chick
June 1, 2013 07:35
I am so sorry I don't have anything to add, but I can feel your pain. Hope someone with experience can give you some words of advice.
Edited 17/02/2021
Milly
June 1, 2013 09:25
Mine can both be downright mean to each other but it is more often unprovoked with one than the other, who does it more out of retaliation. I think it is about the need to control and be in charge - being mean gives them power. I have worked and worked on this and I think my dd has improved a lot but she is still inclined to be spiteful under stress. I think it is very hard wired unfortunately.
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sooz
June 1, 2013 10:56
I've only the one child, so no direct experience but something someone at CAMHS said may be applicable here, and I see it in ds sometimes when he's playing with friends.On an unconscious level child is feeling insecure or anxious so will deliberately do something that will bring attention to them because that's what they need but are not yet able to recognise the feeling.If your dd plays ok while you are close, but not while you are at a distance it could be what's going on.
Edited 17/02/2021
Littlemisscheerful
June 5, 2013 16:12
My girls are both like this together, and worse if they are anxious about something.The therapist has said that she thinks it's because they didn't have enough of anything when they were little. So they are in competition with each other. They are much better now, but horrendous when they were younger. Could not play together at all.I think if I were you, I would assume that she will take any opportunity to hurt him, and stay close to prevent this.Thinking about my girls, as they both assume that there wasn't enough for them, I think there could be a deep rooted jealousy if I had a BC that they (BC) did have enough (food, love etc).It also helps me to think when my girls are being horrid that I think they feel how they make me feel ie projecting. That helps me be more empathetic.Must be very hard for you to watch.
Edited 17/02/2021
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