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HiDidn't want to read and run, as a couple Dh and I are one quarter black and our LO is all black, so we aren't an identical match but DH does present as black more than mixed race (we had several comments during the process from LOs different SWs that he is dark for someone who is mixed race).To be honest with you DH felt as if we were treated as if we were a white couple during HS and were asked some questions over and over again, like they didn't like our answers, and stopped asking once we had given them the answer they wanted!If I can help you in anyway as the white mother of a Caribbean child please feel free to pm me. We wrote a document to explain how we would raise our child that was possibly a different ethnicity to us, I'm happy to send you a copy if you pm me your email address.We read I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla which is a great book for this situation and is not only aimed at adoptive/foster parents but teachers aswell.Good luckSelg

Hi Apples and Selg,We are currently also in the process of being a assessed to adopt a mixed race sibling group - one white and the other one black.We would also like to know about support groups of transracial adopters and would appreciate any help we can get to prepare for our assessment and all the questions we might get.We look forward to hearing from you and thank you for reading.

Hi thereI'm white single, matched to Simba, dual heritage white British/African, intros end of MarchA few of here on the boards are going to the PAC course on 24 March ( there is a post and link a bit further down from this from me) could be a good start for a support group. I'm in the West Midlands and happy to make contact with anyone, particularly if you are localSerrakunda

Hi,We are in South West London, but still good to know that there are people in the same situation. We are also coming to the PAC course 24th March.Will be great to meet you.Best wishesOnika

Hello,I am also coming to the course on the 24th.Maybe we should have a code so we know how to identify each other!!It will be good to meet up with others who are in the same position as us.Looking forward to meeting lots of you there.xxx

shall we all carry a red rose and have a copy of the metro tucked under our arms failing that I will just say I am XXXX aka Serrakunda when we do the introductions.Still hoping to be there though intros due to start on 26the

Lucky you and I hope all will go well.See you all 24th March

I'm not going but have a great time, hope you all find each other, any amazing nuggets of info you pick up would be appreciated!

Hi,Will certainly let you know if there are any gems of info.Hope all good with you.xxx

Hi guysIm only just starting out but have to say its so refreshing to see alot of mixed race adopters! All ive been hearing in newspapers is they are calling out for more mixed race/black adopters. I am single mixed race white/black carribean, my bc is half black African/quater black carribean and quater white, but he is raised more carribean although we do discuss his zimbabwean roots ive noticed theres alot of children of nearly the same mix as my bc and am hoping to adopt a child near enough the same!!!,

Hi angel,I agree that it is great when we hear about more BME adopters.However, we are actually a white couple who have adopted a black child- our LO is exactly the same racial mix as your BC. I know that the SWS did try and find a black family first but this was unsuccessful so they widened the net so to speak.Anyway- good luck on your journey. There is a LO out there for you!

Hi AngelI am also single but I am white British. I am matched with Simba who should be coming home in April. He is White British/ZimbabweanI'm not sure if his SWs tried to find a mixed heritage family for him but as he is older and has SEN then he was particulalry hard to place.I'm sure you will be very popular as I'm afraid BME children do tend to hang around the system a lot longer than white childrenSerrakunda

sorry not in the same boat as you white couple with child from different background BUT its nice to read these posts. we are adopting for the second time, and have always said we adopt a child of any ethnicity. My husbands parents are originally from India and I am Scottish, and it goes on ... we are very multi cultural. but our experience in 2010 our fist adoption was this made no difference unless you looked like the child! we hope things are changing now.Children waiting from birth to three because there is not the exact match. What do children want but to feel loved, have fun with safe boundaries and security. second time round it will be interested, very excited going to panel in April.x

Good luck for Panel.The placing LA for our LO certainly tried to find a black family for our child but for various reasons this did not happen.With him getting older I think they decided to widen the net and we were the lucky ones chosen to be mummy and daddy. I think the thing that I have been surprised by is the amount of intrusive questions. I thought there would be some questions and perhaps some stares but the volume of nosiness has been quite staggering. I am now very good at handling this although it has taken a few attempts to get my responses right! Common ones seem to be where is LO from? Is my husband black? Where is his 'real' mother?Sometimes there is a definite racist undertone and we have had to wise up very quickly. When we have the other children with us it is sometimes presumed that I have had 2 different relationships resulting in children of different skin tones. My all time favourite was when I saw someone who I used to know from the school playground and before we had LO who said that she didn't know me and my husband had split up and I had another partner and child. I told her that we were actually still very much together and off I went. To say she looked shocked was an understatement. I think she thought that I had got pregnant by another man and my DH had just accepted this and got on with it.The serious side of all this is that it is incredibly intrusive and really no one else's business. Also, these people do it when I have our LO with me so he is listening to my responses. I am very consciuos of getting it right for him. My DH does not get this at all. He seems to be able to go about his time with LO unhindered. Maybe women just feel more able to talk to other women. I think it is sometimes people just being clumsy with their words and not realising the impact of what they are saying. I am sure most people don't mean any malice but it can become a bit wearing having to deflect the spotlight from your precious family. Anyway, waffling but I suppose what I am trying to say is that although we have an extremely diverse friendship and family group this does not stop the fact that we are a visible family outside of our home and social circle especially when we are all together and I think that our LO will get pretty cheesed off with this at times. Not everyone is cut out for a transracial placement. While I agree that love and security and just being there are the most important things I would be wary to say that consideration of ethnicity should not be important. It might not matter to us as parents but I am quite sure that there will be some difficult times ahead for our LO and we will have to find a way to help them navigate all this.In all other ways apart from the different ethnicities we are a lovely match for each other and we are so, so lucky to have LO.We have said that we will do all we can for him and our best is all we can do.I do hope that you manage to get matched quickly and there are not too many hurdles to jump.Best of luck. Exciting times ahead for you all!

I think this is the one downside of white people adopting a black/mixed child - The child is never allowed to forget he/she is adopted as they are so obviously visible every time they go out as a family.I am adopted, and I had 3 adopted non related siblings. Myself and my two brothers all resembled each other, we all have dark brown hair and eyes and so we looked alike, but my sister was blonde and blue eyed and looked nothing like the rest of us. She always looked different and people used to think she was the adopted one - despite all four of us being adopted. In fact myself and my eldest brother looked so alike people wouldn't believe we were adopted!. Everyone is different and some people don't mind the world knowing they are adopted, but most people like a degree of privacy and only tell others on a need to know basis.Interracial take away that privacy for the child, as everyone automatically knows they are adopted and they may resent always being reffered to as "the adopted kids" in the road, school, etc. They will also need to learn how to handle unwanted comments/questions from nosey strangers, as Apple mentioned. It is hard enough fending off these comments as an adult, but when you are a child and are constantly reminded, by others, that your parents are not your real parents than that is hard.

jmk I agreed with your post on the other thread but cant agree that interracial adoption automatically exposes a child as adopted. I see no reason to tell anyone at his new school, other than his teachers. Given the number of mixed families where I live no one will give us a second glance. As I said on the other thread, there are numerous children at our local playground who are obviously mixed heritage, I make no assumptions about whether they are adopted and I expect they wont either when I turn up with him I suppose some people may guess when I sprout a 7 year old overnight !

Sorry Serrakunda I can't remember if you're a single adopter or not.If you are then yes, people would automatically assume your childs father was black. I meant white couples adopting a black/mixed child - when out together as a family - people will and do look and say "oh, he/she must be adopted.If you're a single adopter then you are less likely to get this.

Just to put another perspective in the mix, my DH is to quote LO's independent assessor 'very black for someone who is mixed race', he is a dark as our son who is all black, but his parents split when he was 2 and his mother went on to remarry a white man and have a son with him too. People assumed correctly that DH was from a previous relationship and that his step-dad was just that. So adoption is not always the first assumption that people make.As an aside DH's younger brother assumed everybody who had an older brother had a 'brown' one, was quite suprised at 7 years old when he went to a friends house and met their older brother.Multicoloured families are common these days but in some areas more than others, we live in a rural area similar to the one in which DH grew up, so some people's experiences will be different to others.

Hi,This is an interesting topic.I find that when we are at our house in London then no one bats an eyelid about us and our LO. We also have birth children who are white and still nothing.When we are at our house which is rural we get a lot more stares and questions. I am comfortable with the fact that a lot was done to find our LO a black family. I am also comfortable with the fact that we were a good option available in the absence of a family that looked like our LO. However, we have already started to prepare our LO to answer intrusive questions - if he wants to. We have also worked on how to get those who are intrusive to move on quickly. For me, if I say 'Why are you asking?' then this usually sorts out the nosey people from those that are genuine ( we have had a few people who have been adopted who have tried to strke up a conversation). It is completely OK not to want to talk or share. He is not a poster boy for transracial adoption and we don't feel the need to enter into discussions with complete strangers about their take on government policy regarding ethnic matching. We are a family and we are just trying to help our LO to heal in the best way that we can. It is difficult to say how he will come to feel about being adopted into a white family when he is older. Only time will tell.We did have something this week when a play leader assumed that I was the childminder. When LO said no she's my mummy she then assumed my husband was black to which LO said no- he's got white skin. Then we were onto Oh- he's adopted. Following a lot of wittering on about whay didn't we try IVF I called a halt to it and had a quiet word with her at the end of the session. Completely maddening but alas not that unusual.What do others say to get the nosey people to shut up and move on!!x