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I can only see problems if the foster carers have gone outside their role as fc by letting the child call them mum and dad, having a parenting style what might be suitable for birth parents not foster carers as taking children in bed, going in the bath with the child etc. Other than that I think it's very nice for the child, as long as the foster carers can let go of their role as parents who know best. And promote the attachment with the new parents.

I shouldn't think there are enough cases of this happening for there to be any research. We have maintained contact with our son's fc who continued to foster for a while and he was ok with this, but not in such regular contact as would happen for what you describe. His fc had always been very clear with him on what her role was and that it was not permanent.

Everybody understanding their new roles would be the important factor - you might need help / support with this - but the positive would be having a close relationship with grandparents and someone there who understood the children and their background / experience well who could support the parents

How come I can post on this thread but not the G thread - I’ve tried 3 times and keep being told essential maintenance is being carrried out - this never happened on the old boards or the old old boards

I posted this morning on the G thread. I think that the site must have been having a moment. Perhaps you should try again. I'll also give it another try and see what happens.

I know someone who did this. I will ask them to message you x

Many thanks for the comments! Loops78, that would be brilliant - thank you.

That’s an amazing situation. Did the prospective adopter and the child live in the same family home at the same time and if so did the relationship develop over a long time period? I think there is a lot of advantages to this. I expect the child had a relationship with the adopter over a period of time, that sounds like a solid foundation to me.

Hi Ford Prefect, no, the situation is grown-up child (and husband) whose parents are foster carers. So adoptee and adopters have not lived in the same home but know each other well - especially as adopters have been support carers for adoptee while she has been in foster care.

Still sounds like a better situation than adopting blind like most of us do

Nobody adopts 'blind' in tthe uk, after the child is placed you have plenty of time to change your mind, introductions than being an unpaid foster carer. Look at it how you want, 'blind' adoptions are most intercountry adoptions where you meet the child ones if lucky and after that pick it up adopted and all. So I say in the uk there is plenty of time to change your mind, carefully planned introduction, than a 'cool off' period long enough to bring up a nest with kittens. If placements break before the adoption order it has no legal implications.

I think by 'blind' ford prefect possibly meant adopting from information rather than from relationship with the child. eg I adopted my son after fostering him so knew him and went into it knowing I already loved him and knew him inside out (literally in his case given his medical conditions! but I met him 'blind' so to speak knowing very little about him except his name, age and diagnosises so took a leap of faith. I know someone who adopted a child from the same children's home having been a regular visitor so she knew the child before knowng the wider information about that child. adopting from paper based information is considered a little adopting 'blind' becoz all you know is the information and not the child. like standing at the alter and marrying someone your parents chose for you so you know about them but don't know them as such. and possibly the comment referred to initial placement rather than the adoption order.

That’s the way I understood it too

Not many adopters would consider the period of introductions as a test period, it just doesn’t work that way and the disruptive nature of the change of carer makes it difficult to see how the child will be when it has settled. The children I know and love now are nothing like the ones we met in introductions and nothing like they were at the point of the AO. They are certainly nothing like the picture painted by the SWs. We didn’t see our real children until about 18 months after adoption so we did go into it blind as do many adopters. It would have been fantastic to have been part of the children’s lives for an extended period of time beforehand.

Part of the prep of children for adoption is the idea that we are their forever family. And that is what we want or we would have chosen to foster. By the time intros happen you are committed because otherwise the kid gets let down yet again, and especially if they have moved in. Yes, you can refuse to adopt, and have them removed from your home but few people do that because of the effect on the child. It does help if you like the child that you meet, but even foster parents don't always see the real child who is in survival mode. Once settled enough in an adoptive home it can take a long time for their real personality to come through, its often way past the point of no return. We fostered a child at seven till he was freed for adoption. adoption order granted at nine, but I don't think he fully relaxed, and we saw his full personality, till he was about twelve, when he had been with us longer than anywhere else I think his brain finally "got it" that he was here for good. I think the support of grandparents who understand adoption ( as opposed to fostering) will be crucial. If the child acts up testing and re testing the parents comitment, but was fine in foster care it could be hard for the ex foster carers not to feel it's the parents that are doing it wrong. We all know that this can go on till the kid is well into adult years !

Interesting debate, here! Thank you so much for all the thoughts on foster carers becoming grandparents of a child they've fostered. And for the discussion on contact (or lack of it) prior to adoption. All really interesting food for thought!

My in laws were foster careers, DH and I did support for them having the small people over so they could have evenings out and weekends away. We discussed with their SW the possibility of adopting one of their foster children and were told the plan was to return child to extended family, so we decided that if th3 next child they had felt right for us we would do it. Alas my in laws didn’t foster again due to my father in law becoming very ill with cancer and the pressure this put on the family. I still think if we had managed to do it this way it would have been a more stable way to adopt, the child would of known us all the way through they’re placement and we would of had a prolonged period of time to get to know them.