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I think I would stay calm (hard I know) - take him on your knee and explain why you can’t do as he wants - that will calm him and make it easier for him to listen. If you are attending to one of the others I would just say calmly and clearly - I am doin X right now (or whatever you need to explain) then take him on your knee and talk it through again as soon as you can. I wouldn’t ignore it but if it’s impossible to do any more (with the demands of 3 young toddlers) just repeat why you can’t respond and when you will be able to in a clear calm voice. It must be really hard to manage 3 young children - hard enough if not adopted - I take my hat off to you! Also please remember good self care (when you can fit it in!)

It's very hard, if not impossible, to talk to a tantruming child. A tantrum is due to emotional immaturity, so might just be developmental and not be anything you need to worry about, although there's things you can do to try to reduce their frequency (make sure they're not hungry, thirsty or tired for example).

The therapeutic work can be done when they're calm. I can't see you getting anywhere by talking to them whilst they're screaming, sorry. The two best pieces of advice I received are 'ignore the behaviour, not the child', and 'your only job is to not lose your temper'. And, I found this out the hard way, don't pick them up! You will get kicked, scratched, bitten, kicked, which will just lead to toxic shame and more tantrums. They are not in the mood to be held!

Three is a tricky number. I’m thankful that my three arrived separately so at least each had some 1-1 with me though at 5, 2 and 1 not easy. I don’t envy you!

One thing I can remember from when middly was in therapy when he was little was being gently told that I was feeding his attention neediness by dealing with him first when he’d hurt, upset, lashed out etc at one of the others. By attending to him first, I was allowing him to control the situation. And leaving the other two feeling slightly abandoned. They’d done nothing wrong but I didn’t go straight to them. Obvious really but not to me at that time.

Can you identify the triggers - tiredness, hunger etc and anticipate and mitigate or avoid?

Can he be given a safe space to have his meltdown without impacting too much on the other two. Somewhere you can see him but not try to hold etc. Under the dining room table worked well here for some time.

Anyone around who you can ask to support to enable you to give some 1-1 time with each of them?

I took it to mean screaming - as you would scream if scared or something - more deliberately - rather than tantrums which is more of an explosive outburst - so the advice I would give for tantrums would be different - and would be to ignore them / not give any attention during the tantrum but stay reasonably close and calm - but not talk about what has brought it on till later when he is calm. So I understood it as more anxiety than frustration

We have had similar experience but I can't really share details in public.

Have a look at the work of Brian Post and also read the "Explosive Child"

For us medical diagnoses helped but the child needs to be older.....

Thank you for your replies, they have been helpful. He has always been a ‘screamer’ to some degree so it’s not a new thing, it just seemed to be getting a lot better until last couple of weeks. It’s easier to deal with if he is frustrated, eg not being able to get his shoes on or falling over, it’s when he can literally scream because he can’t do something he wants (climbing a high fence or not have a biscuit 10 minutes before tea) I find these harder and more frustrating to deal with. Trying to explain why to him while screaming only makes him worse! I think me staying calm and ignoring is my best option for now and trying to talk with him once he has calmed down. No screaming today though!! I’m hoping it is a phase and if we handle them correctly they happen less?? I also think more 1 on 1 time will help and we do have family support so need to make sure we fit this in

Thanks