Edited 17/02/2021
My own Parents not accepting we are adopting
mattio78
January 28, 2012 12:11
Hi...Myself and my partner have started the process, with the very first visit from the social worker coming soon.We thought it was best to tell my parents about it so we can tell the SW how the family have responded. The major thing is my parents are not as accepting as i thought they would be.When i told them they were just silent, and i asked them for their opinion but they just stayed silent, then my dad said he was trying to find something to say.I knew my moms instant reaction is the child will be sexual abused, beaten, mentally tortured but told her this is not always the case and the child could end up fine and even not as naughty as the niece that i have already... but she just told me dont talk about blah that way.Then nothing was said and the subject changed.I then spoke to other brother the day after and basically its the whole not really agreeing with gay adoption, which is odd due to the fact my partner already has a birth 8 year old girl from a previous relationship 9 years ago.. (thats a long story....)I am so upset and frustrated because i have always had a fantastic relationship with them.Has anybody else had this????? What do i do??Leave it for a bit, but what do i say to the SW????Sorry for such a long topic!!!Matt
Lonsdale
January 28, 2012 12:45
HiYou're not the first to have posted this type of post, so you can be assured the sw team, if not the actual sw, will have come across thisMy mil told us she thought adoption was totally wrong just as dh and I had come to tell her that we were going to adopt - so its not just an LGB thingActually for us she's come round, but I know other adopters where relatives have not come roundMain issue is to be honest with sw and show you have alternative support, as not everyone has living parents, having grandparents for children is not essentialAuk also recommend a book for grandparents but I can't remember the name and some las do a prep type course for grandparents and other familyHope that helpsl
Edited 17/02/2021
mattio78
January 28, 2012 12:49
Thanks....Believe me they wouldnt do the reading idea.. Im lucky to have another brother fighting my corner so maybe one day.. but as to whether the child will be fully supported is another issue..I feel like i cant bring the adoption up again as they wont be willing to talk about it and support.. I have loads of friends near by.. will that be ok for support network?So sad...Matt
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Lonsdale
January 28, 2012 12:59
I think it spends on what your friends are able to support you inQuite a few prospective adopters have used these. Oates as part of their network and there are local auk groups and some LGB adoption groups that might be helpful - having a range is as important as having a good number in your support networkMaybe giving your supportive brother the book might help him understand things. As opposed to you having to explain everything to your parentsl
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JAKESTER
January 29, 2012 09:54
Hi - i would continue to drip feed the information on how your adoption process is progressing and although it's hard when met with a blank silence just brazen it out. We were met with similar responses including 'you've already got one (BD) so what do you want to do THAT for'.It's hurtfull but when your family realise that you are serious then they may start to come round to the idea - ours did. And sometimes time is all they need - my parents were of the generation that didn't discuss anything so asking for feedback always made them feel 'put on the spot', if you see what i mean.I used to say something like, could you have the dog on tuesday as the SW is calling to do another visit and by the time i'd called back to collect the dog my mothers nose would be itching so much for information and i always knew that she'd then go and tell my dad as he'd mention something at a later point.And well if sadly they don't support you then it will show to social workers that you can face and overcome challenges - good job you can choose your friends thenGood Luck on your journey!
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mattio78
January 29, 2012 13:50
Hi...Yes, i will just have to start drip feeding the info, maybe it was a bombshell. I feel my mom will be the hardest hurdle, but who knows in time, she loves her family kids, but cant stand other peoples!! lol (im the same sometimes... lol)Well, its a long process so ive got a bit of time to sort them out... cant wait to tell the rest of the family lol.. (not)Thanks AgainMatt
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Pear Tree
January 29, 2012 14:00
Hi yaI think it can be a shock for people and can bring all their fears to the foreThey are going to need time space and gentle direction through this time too. You might find that when the time comes they will be right behind you but just a bit scared about the whole thing right now.Pear tree
Edited 17/02/2021
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