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We don't do anything. We'd have to do it three times a year on top of birthdays and Xmas and all the other stuff. None of mine are interested and they're all more interested in birthdays and presents.

I don't know what a Celebration Hearing is but if its when you go to court for the adoption order....we have never celebrated it as our daughter has been our daughter since she was 3 days old even though the adoption order was granted 2 years later. This year she asked if we could celebrate her 10 year adoption so we went to Mcdonalds! It was not what we did but the fact that we acknowledged it that pleased her.

Bit confused by what you mean by celebration hearing and it being annual?Things that jump out for me from your post;"reminding them they are different each year, digging up the past" - does this mean adoption and their life story is not speaker about for the rest of the year?"Celebrate a new beginning" - depends on definition of beginning for mine their beginning was when they were born and birth family are part of their whole story which has involved the beginnings of new family units initially with Foster family and then with us.Your final sentence is interesting and wonder if you and your children have same view on this. For mine Birth family did not want to give up and would argue had no choice - my view on the neglect, abuse, and inappropriate choices differs. Gosh I would never celebrate a single thing my girls do if I followed that line of thought of not celebrating because birth family had no choice in it.I'm honestly not trying to offend just questioning your comments and fully appreciate in black and white print comments are not fully explained

As a family we are not 'anniversary' people, so we tend not to do anything, tbh, but I use the day to reflect on how far we have come - on the day itself, we went to court, then had coffee and cake in Costa with the SWs and my parents, then a family day out to a local country park for playground and more cake. That's as fancy as it got!

Thanks for your replies. Conna no offence taken. Things always look odd when in black and white don't they. I am just flumuxed (is that how you spell it). Is it good if a child has had a known trauma to keep digging up the past each year to celebrate the day they left the traumatic time of their life or indeed the adoption itself could be part of the ongoing trauma. I can only liken it to post traumatic stress syndrome. Does that make sense in my question.On the other hand it is great if the child is old enough and wants to do something each year, but in our case our child has felt like ours from day one then you wait for the adoption order (another day and everyone is happy - more cards). We got cards etc when our child moved in. Now on to a celebration hearing more cards etc. My simplistic explanation. No offence meant, just confused as to why some people do things one way and some another. What I don't want to do is to do it wrong (either way and have stuff come back in my face later when a distraught child tells me they would rather have not been reminded each year when it was in my best endeavours to do something nice or on the other hand be told why did we do nothing).I guess it is all part of the planet of adoption and there are no real answers. Some children prefer for people to not know they are adopted and others do and I am not really sure as to which way I should be taking this celebration anniversary stuff.Hmm more confused than ever.

Forgot to say our child is fully aware of a tummy mummy, foster carer etc we openly talk about things.

to be honest I cant even remember the date that my AS had his celebration hearing (it was 16 years ago though)! we did celebrate it at the time and had a big meal out with family and friends but for us it was more that no one had celebrated his birth (he was given up at birth) and this was his substitute for that and we also had him dedicated on the same day. I know its in march but cant remember the date without looking up the paperwork!. certainly don't think about it annually, its just a part of who he is (adoption) and neither a cause for celebration or sadness. I do spare a thought for his BM on his birthday but still celebrate that with him.

Maybe you are overthinking it a bit? I think you shouldnt worry about what other people do or don't do and do what is right for your family. What you do can be influenced by lots of things, the age of the child, whether you are 'party' people, time of year etc etc I can't think any BP wants to give their up child, whatever their actions may have been, But this isnt about birth parents, its about you and your family. I dont understand why you see the celebration hearing at the day they leave their traumatic life and by implication their trauma behind. I dont think anyone ever leaves a truama totally behind isnt it more about how you live with it and move forward?Simba loves a party (already plotting his birthday party in July),is desparate for his day in court, which is finally approaching and is quite keen on anniveraries. I think on the day I will take him and whoever comes to court with us out for a pizza and have a cake because I know he wants to feel special. I am going to have a personalised locket made for me and something for Simba (still looking) with the date on it. In future years I think I'll be more inclined to just take him out for pizza rather than make a huge fuss.If you arent sure what to do maybe the best thing is to do nothing until your child is old enough to say what they want

I think it is down to personal choice and the type of people you are. My ad was 8 when she moved in so easier for her to discuss what she felt like and wanted to celebrate. Tbh she wanted to mark 6 months moving in so we had a cake and candles, 12 months again cake and think we went for meal. Court day and we celebrated i asked her what she wanted so our key friends and family came and we went out for a meal that lasted for ages and also had champagne. Marking move in date and anniversary of celebration is clearly what my ad wants to do, she sees it as a positive despite missing bf and siblings. We had a meal out to celebrate celebration 1 year with family and had a low key cake for 2 yr move in (as we were on holiday). I will be led by her until it is less important to her, as well as celebrating we also reflect on things and this is good to do also. (we do this anyway)I have a feeling it may be less important for her to celebrate anniversaries this year and we may do something low key, whichever i will discuss with her what she wants.Maybe if your lo is younger it not easy to gage how they feel. Again thougj tbh i think celebrating adoption can give a positive message of new life, new experiences, a happy occcasion, yes all our children had trauma and adoption can be seen as painful and not what bf wanted, but this is your family, your child and could give acknowledgement of this. It is how you handle it that matters, not whether you celebrate or not too.Just my personal opinion and tbh both me and my daughter are well matched we would celebrate the cat not having fleas if we could.

Interesting.We thought we would celebrate moving in day but realised that at the time this wasn't seen as much of a good thing (for eldest especially!) so hubby and I just have a nice glass of something and toast it ourselves.We do celebrate the day we went to court, as the girls enjoyed that. We call it something different to a 'celebration' though.Think it is just what is right for you and your family (and I am a right one for remembering dates and would celebrate everything if I could!) xxxx

shadow - you are irrepressable. I raise my mug of tea to you, shadette is blessed to have you

Well, we mark 2 adoption related days each year.On 'moving in day' we give the girls certificates listing all their achievements in the last year.On 'court day' which tends to fall in school holidays we try to have a family day out. The girls don't tie them in with 'losing' birth family as they lost them ages before really when they went in to care.So we do mark the days, but keep them low key and don't 'celebrate', and they are special days for us, not the wider family.Kanga2

Two of mine had birthdays just before or during intros. And thinking about it, it would be around now 8 years ago that we first met our middly. The other two were within days of each other in November but 5 years apart. Tbh other than the first couple of years when I remembered it, it's not really something I think much about - and the kids never think about it.

DD and I like to celebrate our anniversary. It's special to me, because I wasn't there when she was born, but was there for her adoption.Dd likes to feel special, and having an anniversary makes her feel special. It probably helps that I give her a gift (the same thing every year - she's building up quite a collection!). We celebrate on the day we went to court, but count from the day she moved in - as the two dates are very close, but a year apart.

We celebrated the first anniversary but don't anymore.....not because we don't want to remind them of their history, that's talked about as and when. It's just we don't make a big thing of it. I do, however, buy them each a new charm for their charm bracelets every year as a way of marking the occasion but that's all.

Mine were too young to remember their adoption days, though we talk about them sometimes. I thought we would celebrate each year but haven't. They were important to us at the time but don't seem that significant now. To me the day we met them is the most highly charged but only from my point of view, as clearly they don't recall them. Anyway one falls in the week of the child's birthday and the other during the summer when we're often on holiday, so neither is a practical time for an extra celebration. But I don't think there's any right or wrong about it.I don't think it would remind my children they are "different" - they are very concious of their adopted status anyway and often talk about it. But I think the various dates have no significance for children adopted very young. Personally I think the year is full of plenty of "celebration days" as it is! (Younger dd plans her birthday party for about five months, so wouldn't be keen to give her another excuse)