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Should be just about to enter Y8!

take a look at the book 'inside i'm hurting' by louise bomber - there are lots of practical ideas in that book - though it may be geared more towards more overtly troubled pupils than your dd

I have a copy of the kate Cairns learn stuff which is so helpful.Will pm about it.there are a couple of resources in AUK library- Nancy Thomas- Captive in the classroom, family futures- cant do, wont do etcUsing my teaching brain!there are things that have helped my 2 negotiate life in a small supportive secondary school. I think one thing is to accept that they will always find school tricky- no matter how supportive it is.so here are some practical things1) Give her some structure in unstructured times. For my dd and ds, this means doing helpful jobs for people, showing people round etc. There is a group of vulnerable children in the school who have been learning to lay a table and do silver service and menu plans etc. 2) Organisation is a BIG problem and causes total meltdowns often for my most effected daughter. So-Get lots of copies of timetables and laminate them- some for home and LOTS for school.- do the same for a map of where she needs to be, with room numbers and teachers names where possible.- lay out what she needs for each session on a table and take a photo of it, stick it to the front of her book for the subject and sticky back plastic over the top.- get lots of pens/ pencils etc and NAME it all. set for home and set for school and set for spare. (same with uniform) This will save some tears from you when she looses it, swapped it and doesn't care much!- set aside time to write a timetable for school nights so she has PLENTY of opportunity to do it. Offer to check it through and to help her but make it clear that you wont be doing it for her and any nasty behaviour will make you unwilling to help!- Reserve the right to raid. (bags, coats and other kit in case notes are being screened or there is contraband or things that you need to know about going on) This is so the child feels safer and contained.- DO buy a cuddly fiddly key ring and give it to her. hold it in front of her and tell her you are thinking of all the love, belief in her, happiness you have when you think of her and everytime she feels upset/ worried/ frightened/ unconfident she can touch it and feel you close.WHAT SCHOOL CAN AND IMO SHOULD DO1) regular updates with home- email/ txt/ communication meetings if easier but please include a positive and something to work on, weekly or even fortnightly is fine. We might not be able to do anything about it but we need to know as it will have a bearing on behaviours at home!2) Use the teaching and behavioural management appropriate to a child who has special emotional needs- sanctions 4 days later will have no impact on behavioural change and will only shame the child confirming her inner belief that she is ALL BAD.3) CHECK that homework is written in or type it and stick it in their book. We will support her in her homework (by all means write what you actually do) but will not do it for her, if she faces a Detention for uncompleted work please let us know and we can try and get her to add up that this is the effect of her non action. She is a child who needs a lot of early life experiences and we are mostly working on getting her to buy some milk for me and cross the road safely at the moment so homework, although important is just part of her home education opportunities. (I have been known to take in playdough and cutters to show just what we are doing!!!)4) Technology and highly charged exciting lessons are VERY hard for dd, please send her out of the lessons (with support) to work quietly. If you need her to be active- fine, she will need really tight boundaries and stating the obvious about not opening the fire exit etc. She will also take about double the amount of time to calm down and might need to take the work home to do when she is calmer. Please let us know.5) sit her at the front of the room, back to the window or even better the wall rather than back to the class who are engaged in being kids, as she is wired to think danger comes from behind but also will be most focussed on you and less distracted.6) Worksheets/ book work is hard as they are set up for people who focus most straight ahead and concentrate best this way. This is opposite for dd, putting a worksheet to one side of her will help, making it plain and simple with large, clear letters and simple steps to follow.7) Yes, she can hear the bell but not the maths sheet instructions. This is because her mind is wired for emergency noises and she will blot out long periods of talking- perhaps a 3 or 5 point check list of what she is listening for would help. Please help her with her organisation- it is no good putting her in detention for forgetting her french text book or setting her lines etc- she needs to LEARN how to do this and have someone take her and remind her.9) Try NOT giving her a locker- it is more stress as it is another step on the way to a lesson, more places for things to get lost. IF she must have one please get someone to help her manage it- stick on timetables and this list of what she needs for each lesson.10) She needs help with friends- she doesn't really understand how it all works and thinks any attention is good. Please be brave and dont think that "you cant choose a childs friends" when in this case you can and you need to otherwise she can get herself into an awful mess as she is so vulnerable.11) Yes, she is quite chatty and has the gift of the gab. Do not think this means she has understood, remembered or processed what you have said fully. Get her to repeat WILF and TIBs(What I am Learning this For and This Is Because) and check she is clear what she needs to have on her desk before she starts and exactly what is expected at the end of the lesson for her to produce.12) Support and assessment. Please start from the position of believing us. We do not make this stuff up- we are not looking for excuses. There is no excuse for Blossom smearing lipstick all over the ladies staff loos but you need to understand the reason that she did this (poor inhibition and no understanding of peers and how to think through things for herself) and you need to then think to sanction it differently so not immediate expulsion but perhaps cleaning it off and making sure she isnt with X Y and Z in an unmonitored way.I would say that while she is at school she is THEIR responsibility- not yours. I have never quite managed the desired stance of letting school look after school and you looking after home but I have yet to master it. Your goals for your child will be at a different level and I am minded of what a different world the one I inhabit is to other families.One further thing- SEN, I know your DD is bright but there are things to help children who are not as academic which often go under the radar but can be addressed. Reading buddies and mentors are one way forward. Also there are some excellent practices of self esteem building groups.Ruby and the Rubbish bin and the accompanying book by Margot Sunderland is very helpful indeed for self esteem building for an adoptive/ looked after or birth child whose self esteem has taken some knocks.HTHPear Tree

Teenagers and Attachment: Helping Adolescents Engage with Life and Learning by Margot Sunderland, Daniel A Hughes, Karl Heinz Brisch, and Louise Bomber (Paperback - 29 Mar 2009)As well as Louise Bomber's original book, you may want to check out the book above too (it's the 3rd book in the 'Worth Publishing' series on attachment and learning, alongside Heather Geddes's book and Louise Bomber's book). The chapter in here by Louise Bomber, is particularly geared for secondary (as is the whole book), for ideas to share with school (though you have some excellent thoughts already from others!).

Thanks everyoneBBK - I have ordered the book you have mentioned - thanks. PT thanks for your input too. Many of your ideas do apply to dd. I'm beginning to realize that her self confidence has hit rock bottom. When we were on holiday, dd got really good at the dance machine in the arcade. As she has diagnosed problems with visual perception (result of in utero drug dependency)I decided to buy her a dance mat for the wii as it appears to be a great way of helping her with this. We set it up and because she wasn't as good as she expected, she couldn't cope and has thrown the mat across the room ( looks like it will beme using it from now on). I suddenly realized how fragile she really is - if she can't do something first time - she just gives up.she wasn't like this at primary school. High school is really taking it's toll.

bumping up for some parents I know!