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I think it is very likely that continued contact will be good in the long run - but how you get to the long run may need rethinking! If this is an unusual response then LO is telling you that they are distressed. Why not keep contact adult to adult for now - that can include DVDs, letters/ cards, phone/Skype. Then when LO has spent longer with you and is more settled they can join in gradually.

How old is LO? If quite a littly I'm not sure I would plan on keeping up face-face contact for the long-term to be honest. My experience of contact is that however much goodwill and effort there is between all concerned, there is always some 'payback' to deal with, it get's harder with time to even fit it in and the difficulties of actually doing it can often outweigh the longer-term benefits. I should say that nearly 4 years post-placement we have limited contact with DS's excellent foster carer - she sends a card for his bday and I send a quick update with our Xmas card, so the channel is still open if he ever did want more contact but it doesn't impinge on his daily life otherwise. DS was also 6 at placement & has very clear memories of her and where she fits in his life. For a littly, it may just be too confusing and I'd agree with Tokoloshe and stick to letters, telephone calls. BB

I can only sympathise and share our experiences, if it helps. We had a meeting/playdate with FC about 9 months after placement. They were very keen to see LO and she enjoyed seeing them too. It all went really well until, like you, she had disrupted sleep that night. She subsequently slept badly for about a week, waking on and off during the night, crying, and at times just clinging to me and unable to explain why (she was 2 at the time). The positive side was it gradually reduced over the week, until she was back to normal sleep patterns. I think it was stimulus overload for her - the sight, smells, sound of the FC was all too much for her little brain to process! We had always talked about FC and looked at pictures, but meeting her was very different. So, we decided not to meet again for another, longer period, and we met up again about 8 months after that first meeting. Again, everyone was delighted to see each other. They have a really lovely relationship and we believe we did the right thing in continuing the contact. This time round we invited them to our house so LO could be in her own surroundings (first time was neutral location). No sleep problems after that meeting, so we scheduled another one a couple of months later, and so on. We're happy we persevered with the contact because, difficult as it was for her little self to process it all, we felt she was gaining more by keeping in contact. They are all very fond of each other, and of course FC showers her with presents, which is a great hit too! Good luck with your decision, but go with what feels right for your child and your family :)

These children have a history well done to you all a very experienced teenage Fc xxxxxxxxx

Hi Vilnius. Thanks for posting this. We've just had a very similar experience with our 22mth LO still quite clingy and sleep disruted 10 days later. We intend to stay in touch but not to have direct contact too often as distance is a factor. FM had him from birth to 13mths so it would have been a miracle if there had been no reaction at all.